BODY TALK ——->

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic


I’ve been used, literally bet on, left stranded in another state, seduced, drugged, and more. All just to get with this body and I don’t understand these certain guys, not to these lengths.  
 
Growing up I was awkward, actually, because I was insanely shy and I was known for being smart, though, I wasn’t exactly a “nerd.” I had really bad teeth, so I was not considered pretty, but I was an adorable child, until I became awkward. This is why having a brain problem now and trouble remembering and learning, and feeling stupid is hard when I used to be KNOWN for my brain.  
 
At 13 I developed a body out of nowhere (neighbors told my mom I’d never have boobs, but here these C cups were on my 98 pound body) and I was no longer just smart, I wasn’t pretty now either, but I was sexy. And now I’ve been known for this, being a sex symbol, and lost this lately, too. Guys to this day don’t understand the difference between pretty or beautiful, how being ALL over and the face being pretty and sexy being more about the body and well, sex. You want to be called both, but pretty and beautiful mean more. 
 
“Baby” had more than just back. I was never toned, but usually thin and curvy, with a great waist line. It was, “36, 24, 36’” (like the song - but I’m not 5’3, I’m 5’4), were my measurements. Even with too much weight on me right now, I have an hourglass figure. And some people still would like to and have used this body for what it’s worth and that really has blown my mind. 
 
I am smartening up, finally. I’ve been abstaining for over three years now, until I don’t know when, I just know I’m tired of these twisted games and the patterns I was usually getting caught up in. 
 
I don’t know if my brain will come back after these last illnesses, I’ve heard mixed answers, so I will found out with my own experience. Sometimes, after what I’ve been through with guys and my body, I don’t know why I want that body back, but it’s how I *know myself.*  That body, that’s who I see when I hear my name, that’s all apart of what makes Jenn. I want it all back, brains and body! I want to be the girl I knew. I want to be Jenn.
 
I am working on her, both by manifesting and taking action. That’s what matters most, my actions, that I’m working on myself. I’m doing anything about something! Do even the little things, because it adds up.
 
As for feeling sexy, easy, now my eyes are just focused on the prize. Someone woke me up inside and I'm not sure how I feel about it, since things can't move faster.


Submitted: October 22, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Jenni Littzi. All rights reserved.

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