Noises and Silence

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic

The noises follows me everywhere. I can never escape it and it will never leave me alone. i just want silence, won't you give me silence?

 

I can never escape the noise; it follows me everywhere. At my supermarket at three in the morning, at my workplace seemingly all the time, even in my own appartement. The noise follows me everywhere I go and it never stops. It’s a constant in the back of my mind, always there, always causing me to get headaches or dizziness or just plain uneasiness. But no one ever believes me, they always say: “it’s not that loud” or “what do you mean? I can’t hear anything but silence.” Maybe they can’t hear anything, but I can. Just because it’s never happened to you doesn’t mean it’s never happened to someone else. That's something that I hope everyone knows. It's kind of important for the survival of humanity. But I'm not going to get into now, otherwise I'll be here awhile and its not the main point of my story. And it’s always happening to me and when no one believes me it makes me want to cry. Because it is happening, even if you don’t realise it. It is causing me pain and just because you can’t see it happening doesn’t mean that I am not suffering because of it. For once I just want someone on my side, believe me and trust me to tell the truth, instead of just assuming that I am exaggerating everything I’m saying or just vying for their attention. That feeling is one of the worst. It makes you feel like nobody trusts you with anything, not even your own health and to know when you are hurting. That feeling of no one trusting you can destroy you from the inside out and again you can tell no one, because they didn’t believe you the first time around. 

If the noise has taught me anything, it’s that you can never run far enough for long enough. Everything always has a way of catching up with you, no matter where you are or what is going on in your life. I guess you could say that is the one thing that has come out of all this nastiness that’s kind of good. I've at least learnt a lesson out of it. A lesson I didn’t want, but we shall ignore that little titbit. But even that isn’t enough for me to try and continue living with this hammering in my skull. It’s nowhere near enough.

When I finally reached my breaking point, it was nothing noteworthy. There was nothing out of the ordinary that could have warned me how my day would continue. I was returning home from work, where I got yelled at by my boss because I wasn’t focusing enough on my work and I tried telling him why, I really did. I tried telling him that I would work more proficiently with my own space where I could block out at least some of the noise that distracts me all the time, but he, like all the rest, thought I was faking it to get my own office away from everyone else and he said that if I ever asked again, I would really regret it. Getting yelled at made my headache and work productivity even worse so I left work early. Sod what my boss then thinks of me. He can fire me for all I care. I’m giving up trying so hard for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. 

 On my way home, I was walking past some old community buildings when I hear it. Some horrible pop music where the people just seem to be repeating every word they say in higher and higher pitches until I think that I can’t be the only one contemplating smashing that speaker. Though I'm not surprised there’s music playing here, since these community buildings are never locked so it’s a popular hangout for the ‘’youths’’ of today, it still annoys me to no end though. I mean this is just what I need, pop music to worsen my already splitting headache.

The longer I walk down this street the worse it seems to get. A mother talking loudly on the phone over the sound of her screaming child walk past me and no matter how far away they seem to get from me the wailing of the child never seems to quiet down. Then there’s a couple of smokers in an alleyway I walk past, screaming at each other over some problem or another (just because I hear them and suffer because of them doesn’t mean I actually pay attention). The noise keeps on building and building until it gets to be too much. I feel like I could rip my ears off, because at least then I wouldn’t have to deal with all this noise and I could finally have silence. All I want is silence. That’s it.

I need to get away from this place before I really do try to rip my ears off or try to kill someone (but I get the feeling that would just make some of the screaming louder). So, to get away from everything I enter one of the community centres and start climbing the staircase, but it’s never enough. The noise seems convinced that I need to hear it wherever I am. 

I finally reach the top of the building and it’s amazing. The silence, it’s everywhere. I feel free and finally able to relax my mind. And there it is, all at once the peace settles over me like a warm blanket, keeping me safe from all the noise of the world around me. But as it always is the peace never lasts. As I’m standing there, I hear a plane pass over my head, the noises of the traffic down in the streets, people screaming at each other, baby’s crying out for who knows what and I realise that no matter what, I will never find the silence and peace I’m looking for. All of a sudden, the wish for silence seems impossible and it’s like a quiet acceptance settles over me where the blanket once was. Though now instead of warmth, all I feel is bitter cold as I step up on the ledge of the roof that I’m stood on and stare down at the bustling streets causing me all this pain. While standing there, I realise that some peoples wishes are just impossible and why should I stay somewhere, where not even the smallest of wishes, just a few seconds of silence, come true. So, why try? Why stay somewhere I hate? The answer? There is none. I don’t have to stay. So, I won’t. Thinking this, I slowly fall forward off the edge down to the bustling streets of the city that ruined me, that will never know what it has done to me.


Submitted: November 01, 2021

© Copyright 2022 F. Carroll. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Q.B. McKinney

Wow! That is an amazing, powerful story. Sometimes we scream out in silence due to the unseen pain around us. We wish for peace by any means, only to get the same confusion. Very well written, I felt the anguish and sadness in every sentence. Thank you for sharing this masterpiece.

Thu, November 4th, 2021 10:54am

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