What Are Little Boys Made Of?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic


 

What are little boys made of?

 

The good guide to avoiding bad guys

 

This article contains guidance for women (and men) who want to avoid selfish men and abusive or controlling relationships. This guidance is tried and tested and is from an infallible source of wisdom. If followed, it is guaranteed to spare people from such horrible situations as the ones we so often read about in the news.

 

I offer this guidance, not as a therapist or doctor, or someone with formal qualifications in relationships or Social Services but, as someone who has lost too many beautiful people to monsters who have devoured them. What I have to offer is more real, reliable and helpful than any therapist has to give. This guidance is compiled from three important sources;

 

  • Personal Experience (good and bad)

  • Insight of a man about men

  • A superior source of wisdom

 

First, my own unique life experiences. I have been married to my wife Jill now for many years. We married when she was 18 and I was 19. That was perhaps too young for such a commitment but, we have been fortunate and have had a generally happy, close relationship. Our three grown children are all very close, both to each other and to us.

 

In contrast to our successful marriage and parenthood, (and I do not take pleasure from being fortunate while others have suffered) I have personally observed the relationships of those of my family and friends end in disaster, with severe consequences. I have five sisters. All of them have, at one time in their lives, suffered controlling relationships and abuse by men. My youngest sister was dominated by a man who started out as a likeable bloke but soon deteriorated into a heroin addict and a bully. My sister died young, because of alcohol abuse, caused by her unhappy life. My own daughter suffered Post Traumatic Stress due to an abusive marriage partner. She is still seeing a therapist today and we are her carers while she recovers and tries to regain her self-esteem and courage. I have seen many women - friends, colleagues and family, destroyed by selfish abusive men. The sad thing is that many of these women go on to make the same mistakes in relationships repeatedly throughout their lives.

 

Witnessing all these tragic relationships, I have learned to read the warning signs of doomed relationships and abusive men.

 

A Man's Mind

 

When it comes to advice on relationships for women, they tend to turn to certain selective sources. Generally, women consult other women (friends, siblings, colleagues etc) or professional advisers (agony aunts, self-help books and even horoscopes), and yet, still we find so many women hurt because of controlling relationships, and use and abuse by men. The one source they never seem to consult is men themselves (the decent men, that is). Surely, the person in the best position to recognize the danger signs in men, is another man (preferably one that the woman trusts). As a man, I have insight into the thinking of my fellow men (good and bad). I have had colleagues and associates who have been cruel and insensitive to women and I know the kind of speech pattern and behaviour that shows a man's thinking and attitude towards women. This coupled with many women's trusting nature is a recipe for disaster. Furthermore, many women still subconsciously cling to misguided notions that there is a “Mr right” out there, or that they can change a bad boy into a good one. As a man who understands men, I have warned, among others, my sisters and my daughters of danger signs in men they had met. More often than not, they have ignored my advice and have ended up suffering bad relationships and abuse. It is of no comfort to say to someone you love “I told you so” when they are heartbroken or the victim of abuse. Therefore more is needed, a superior way of identifying potential relationship hazards, a way that is impartial and proven.

 

Superior wisdom

 

In this manic world, glutted with advice columns, shows and books, there is a source of wisdom that is often overlooked. It is a source that is considered by many to be outdated and irrelevant yet, it’s wisdom has stood the test of time and is still improving and transforming the lives of millions today. It is tried and tested by millions of women, from all walks of life, all over the world, all of whom have transformed their lives and have found true, substantial happiness. Thanks to this source of guidance, they have avoided bad relationships and, instead, have found loyal, positive, kind men to love and share their life with. This wisdom applies equally to men who are looking to start a relationship with a woman but the guidance is more beneficial to women because they are usually the victims of selfish, bullying men.

 

I hope that this article can help women to avoid such traumas. I sincerely wish to spare all women the anguish and humiliation that my sisters and my daughter have been subjected to. If you, dear reader, are in, or considering starting a relationship with a man, and particularly if you are considering marrying a man, then this article can be of particular benefit to you and could save you from much misery and pain.

 

So what guidance does this source give for relationships? Assuming that a woman (or a man for that matter) wants to know whether she should date or marry a particular man, what points of wisdom does this source provide? Consider the following;

 

Ask yourself this question;

 

What is the difference between attraction, infatuation and love?

 

Attraction is based on sight andbiological reactions, it requires no knowledge of the person.

 

Infatuation is a fixation or obsession with a person, this can also be without knowledge of the person.

 

However, love is based on experience, knowledge and interaction with the person. It takes time to love someone. There is no such thing as “Love at first sight” no matter how romantic and alluring that idea may be.

 

“Patient and kind. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

 

When a person loves you they make sacrifices, they put your wishes above theirs, they are concerned for your happiness more than their own. The guidance goes on to say;

 

Love does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury.”

 

Ask yourself, “Is that how this man treats me?”

 

Qualities and flaws

 

Ask yourself -

 

What are the most important qualities in a companion?

 

Many people may answer “a good sense of humour.” While humour is desirable in a companion, it is no indicator of kindness or loyalty.The guidance lists the supreme qualities that are universally desired in fellow humans, they are;

 

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control.”

 

In contrast, the guidance lists the negative traits of humans that may dominate some people; they are;

 

Hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy”

 

Which of the above sets of qualities does he show more?

 

Compatibility

 

So much emphasis these days for relationships is on what the two people have in common, what they do for a living, what their entertainment choices are etc. None of these factors guarantee a good match or a good person. What is the use of being with a man who loves to do the same things as you do, agrees with the same politics as you, and has the same star sign you have, if he treats you disrespectfully or abuses you?

 

Ask yourself,

 

What happens if I disagree with him on something?

Is he reasonable? Does he acknowledge your feelings and opinions?

 

Does he tend to insist on buying and paying for everything? Does he choose where to go and what to do? It could be simple generosity but it is more likely a sign of something more sinister in his personality. This can be a form of early control which, once in a close relationship, can develop into abuse.

 

Does he try to pressure you to do things that you are uncomfortable with?

 

Once, when my wife and I were walking the heights of a large castle, we had to climbs some steep stairs which were very dark and narrow, with a long drop next to them. My wife is nervous of steep areas and she became afraid and anxious. Because I love her, I don't like to see her upset so, I immediately took her hand and led her slowly down to the ground floor. To do anything else would have been selfish and cruel.

 

The guidance urges men to “Love their wives (or girlfriend, or fiancée) as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself, for no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it.”

 

Public displays and exhibitionism

 

Another warning sign for women is the way a man wants her to dress and behave with him in public. Some men like their companion to dress skimpily or provocatively, not for their own benefit, but for other men to see. This is a kind of trophy-wielding mentality and it is often a trait of shallow, controlling men. A man who loves and respects a woman does not want her to be an public exhibit, but he would want to only share intimacy in private, not with the gaze of other men upon her. In poetic language, the guidance encourages;

 

Should your springs be scattered out of doors, your streams of water in the public squares themselves? Let them prove to be for you alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth.”

 

Impressing others should not be a requirement for love and respect. “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.”

 

Interacting with others

 

A good indication of the kind of man you are with is the way he treats others, particularly his family members. According to the guidance, a man should “Show honour to his Father and Mother.” How does he treat his family? Is he close to them? Is he patient and kind with them? Or does he argue regularly and show disrespect to them? If so, then that is a very good indication of how he will treat you.

 

Also, who are his friends and acquaintances? Are they nice, kind people who welcome you and behave decently to you and other women? Or are they crude and aggressive. Do they show a lack of respect? If so, ask yourself, Could the answer be because he is also like them? The guidance warns “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”

 

Inconsistencies

 

Does he behave differently when you are both alone together? Is he one of

Those who hide what they really are?” If so, it could be a real warning of danger in the relationship.

 

Destructive habits

 

Is he dependent on a lot of alcohol, or maybe certain medication or recreational drugs? The guidance warns “Do not let yourself come to be under the control of anything.” Men who depend on alcohol or drugs are lacking in self control and are prone to emotional outburst and bizarre behaviour.

 

It goes on to say;

 

You must understand this: In the last days there will be critical times, hard to deal with. People will be selfish and love money. They will brag, be arrogant, and use abusive language. They will curse their parents, show no gratitude, have no respect for what is holy, and lack normal affection for their families. They will refuse to make peace with anyone. They will be slanderous, lack self-control, be brutal, and have no love for what is good. They will be traitors. They will be reckless and conceited.”

 

Does any of the above description sound familiar in the man you are with?

 

If, upon considering these matters, you realize that you could be developing a potentially abusive relationship with a man, it would be wise to end the relationship as soon as possible. Abusive men become bolder and more domineering the longer a relationship goes on. They start with small levels of control but slowly build up confidence to completely dominate the woman in all aspects of her life, until she becomes almost a prisoner. Abusive men are not just physically destructive but more often are mentally destructive. They wear down a woman's self-respect and confidence with slogans such as “No one else but me would have you” “Your useless” or, My younger sister, who died prematurely after years of an abusive relationship, became convinced that she was a nobody, that she was unattractive to men and that, if she ever tried to leave her partner he would find her and kill her. He later died of a heroin overdose.

 

If you have concerns about a man or a relationship, seek advice from someone you trust. Do not keep it to yourself. Abusive men rely on their victim's warped sense of loyalty, and they believe that their woman would never betray them. But the consequences of remaining in such a relationship are life-changing. Please, do not believe the inner voice or the voice of well-meaning friends who say, Abusers do not change for their victims.

 

Courage is required to break free from a controlling relationship. The guidance urges “If your eye offends you, pluck it out.” This means that you should get rid of anything that corrupts or hurts you, especially bad company.

 

Sadly, there will always be men who are selfish and evil, men who insist on dominating and hurting women. As a man, I am ashamed of my sex when I hear of yet another abuser. We can all help to prevent such tragedies. As women entering relationships, remember the warnings. As friends and family, take note of what you observe in the relationships of your female friends and relatives. And as a society, let us challenge and change such inhuman behaviour.

 

What are little boys made of? Slime and snails and puppy dog tails. That children's rhyme is closer to the truth than we would like to think.

 

The source of guidance I have quoted is the Bible.

 

 


Submitted: November 03, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Moomin. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Jonathan E. Lee

So just out of curiosity, would your advice change at all when it comes to advising men seeking to avoid abusive women?

Statistically, female-perpetrated violence is actually higher than male-perpetrated violence after all.

https://domesticviolenceresearch.org/domestic-violence-facts-and-statistics-at-a-glance/

Thu, November 4th, 2021 2:23pm

Author
Reply

No, the wisdom applies to all people but, men are more genmerally controlling in situations. Yes, I am aware that men are more likely to suffer assault from partners than women, at least in the western world. The principles are universal.

Fri, November 5th, 2021 4:20pm

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