Boring Old Farts (reprise)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Featured Review on this writing by olive tree

Karen by Neal E. Johnson
Boar-ing Old Fart by Karsten Paulick

Author's Note: I posted the original version of this acidic little protest story here on 7th June 2019. Interested to hear if you think things have since improved in the workplace. Based on a true event which happened at a nightclub (since shut down) in London's West End.

Karen

Karen is a general dogsbody for a firm specializing in recycling crashed cars. Anyways, it’s her mat leave party and her obnoxious male chauvinist pig and general sexist bore has concerns,

‘Now you’re skiving off on maternity leave, you won’t be able to make my coffee anymore.’

‘That’s true, Pig,’ she concedes, ‘But I made sure I sorted out all the serious stuff.’

‘Like what, taking out lawsuits for sexual harassment against male chauvinist hogs like me?’

Karen keeps calm, refusing to be baited. ‘Naturally, and re-hutching Fleury my guinea pig.’

‘That figures, big-bulge, you always were fond of animals.’

‘How dare you talk to me like that, you bastard,’ she smarts. ‘I’ve worked for one long enough!’

The sexist fat pig’s shirt is undone, revealing his gross man boobs and pot belly. He nods his greasy, sweating, smelly bald head, ‘True.’

There is an uneasy impasse as the other male guests: sub-contractors, suppliers, valued service partners, supervisors, middle management, and bored directors are served Sex on the Beach by hostesses dressed in low-cut black boob tubes and tiny bum-hugging mini-skirts. Karen smiles thinly, raking her swollen fingers thru her dyed blonde bob and dusts the fluff off her only party frock: the only female guest present.

The fat cats stuff their faces full of cocktail sausages dipped in seed mustard and honey. Some pat their thighs with downturned palms and make rude gestures, beckoning the scantily clad hostesses to sit on their laps. Red faces all round. One young girl cries openly, hurt, ashamed to be assaulted, put in an appalling predicament by her willing staff agency boss. A thin woman storms out in disgust.

The sexist fat pig waffles on, ever the ignorant, pathetic braggard, ‘Go on, I’m intrigued!’

‘Well, Pig,’ Karen scoffs, ‘Cleaning my teeth regularly will help me to prevent gum disease. Controlling my sexy body’s exposure to UV will mitigate the risk of my milky white skin being invaded by those nasty malignant tumours when I stretch out on the sun lounger…’

The abhorrent bore rubs the purple boil on the side of his nose. ‘I get that, skin cancer, and?’

The room falls silent as the other drunken slobs all down their cocktails and turn to face them.

Karen takes a deep breath, summoning all her woman’s strength, holds up the tape recorder for all to see, and introduces Birgitta who has been posing as a barmaid while she videos the event.

The sexist male chauvinist pig now has serious concerns….

Karen smiles for the camera and shouts for the benefit of the front-page article in the nationals,

‘Gentleman! Avoiding sexist, chauvinist, boring old farts like you filthy pigs will help prevent me from having a miscarriage. See you in court!’

Karen's Boss:


Submitted: November 06, 2021

© Copyright 2021 HJ FURL. All rights reserved.

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Comments

olive tree

A good Karen! Suck shit to the pig. Arrogance was his downfall.

Sun, November 7th, 2021 9:37am

Author
Reply

Thanks Olive Tree, my sentiments entirely, and that's exactly why I wrote it!
Best Wishes
HJx

Mon, November 8th, 2021 4:30am

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