Natural Feminine Energy and Grace

A while ago, I was thinking about natural feminine energy and natural grace. It's a quality that I have found many people deeply appreciate, but sadly, it's kind of a lost art in today's world. I do see it coming back, though, and that makes me smile.

Natural feminine energy is a part of every woman, but we are not always encouraged to tap into our femininity. I've really reflected on that a lot as I see the world change, and look into the past to see how women were back then.

Just to make things clear, my idea of femininity and feminine energy is not the same as the construct of "femininity" that many women often feel forced to follow. It's not about having to wear make-up and high heels all the time, or follow certain "rules" all the time. Feminine energy, to me, is a natural element of love, a kind of inner spirit or energy that every woman can tap into.

I'm going to try to describe this, but it's hard to put into words. It's like writing about the impossible, but I will try. :)

For me, feminine energy doesn't have a lot to do with appearance. I've seen naturally feminine women who wear jeans and t-shirts, and they still give off that magnetic, feminine vibe. And I've seen women who wear tons of make-up, high heel shoes, and so on, but they still don't have that aura or energy of a naturally feminine woman.

I think it all comes down to how much you accept yourself as you are. Many women are naturally emotional, empathic, and in tune to nature and the world around them, but many of us have been taught to deny these more emotional, sensitive sides of ourselves. In my own family, I was frequently ridiculed for being sensitive and emotional, and I even thought, "I'm too weak." But now, I realize this deep sensitivity I have is actually a gift, and it has opened many people's hearts.

As we accept ourselves more, our natural feminine energy and grace start to reawaken. When we don't judge ourselves as harshly, and actually just give ourselves the freedom to feel emotions and be however we naturally are, it's amazing how our hearts can open up, and how that naturally attracts people to us.

Many women in the Western world today have been socialized to be tough, dominant, and career-focused. It's often to an extreme, where women are told they should consider their careers as the most important thing in the world. I often heard from my own mom that I should always focus on my career, and that any kind of loving relationship outside of that was "a distraction". And at first, my natural instinct was astonishment, because I didn't think a career was more important than actually experiencing loving relationships in life, including romance (but not limited to that; friendships and other relationships are also important).

Of course, I don't think there's anything wrong with focusing on a career or the kind of passions and missions you want to pursue as a woman. In many African cultures, women had many multi-faceted roles - in fact, the women were often revered by men, and African women succeeded as far as their talent and lineage would take them. Some African cultures were even matriarchal, where women took the roles of leadership.

So I don't agree with the idea that femininity means you have to stay at home and raise kids all the time (although there is nothing wrong with that, if that is what you love to do and that is your purpose). Women don't even have to fit into a certain box to be feminine. I am a multi-talented woman, but I also have a deeply sensitive, loving, and feminine side, so you can have goals and talents, and still be a feminine woman.

I also believe that there is nothing wrong with being assertive and standing up for yourself as a woman. I have had to do this so many times in my own life, where my ability to tell someone off or disagree with someone actually kept me safe. Natural feminine energy can have a stronger and more dominant side when the situation requires it.

But I do feel that in the Western world, there is way too much emphasis on things that ultimately won't bring you fulfillment. Succeeding in your career is really great if it all works out, but it's not the only thing that matters in life. Relationships with other people are so important, because in our hardest times, we will not be turning to our job or career achievements to comfort us. As Patti Labelle once said, what matters the most in those times are people - the ones you love and the ones who love you.

What's more, the most fulfilling things in life, like love and joy and inspiration - all those things are something you really can't buy. Your career, mission, and talents can definitely inspire you in so many ways, and bring you joy, but they are not the only thing that matters. Nothing can take the place of people you love in life and who love you.

I learned this for myself when I went through some life-shattering events in 2020. It's like my whole life was turned upside down in that year. I realized for the first time that I have abusive parents, I started processing all the old trauma, and I was dealing with difficult mental issues during that whole year. It was a lot to handle too, especially with the whole world changing at the same time because of Covid-19.

But after this challenging period, what I realized the most is that my whole priorities have changed. I used to want to be famous and have a career that would lead me to do that (this career was partly forced on me by my abusive parents, but I also did have love for the career itself). I think a part of me felt that fame would bring me happiness, but at the same time I was always a little cynical about it, since I'd read so many stories of famous people who dealt with depression and who didn't live for long.

But after 2020, I really started seeing that what mattered the most to me - MY own real dreams, not the ones I was forced to follow since I was a kid because of my parents - is so much more true to my heart. All I want to do is be truly loved, to love in return, to have someone in my life I can trust, and to share art and writing just for the love of it. I don't even desire fame or lots of money anymore. Fame and money for the sake of it no longer fulfill my heart.

It was scary for me to really be honest with myself, because I was letting go of not just the ideas I grew up with, but the ideas that are often drilled into modern women in our society. The idea that your greatest talent is to climb to the top of the corporate world, or have lots of money and fame, or something like that, is such a common idea. But it doesn't actually really fulfill many women in the long run.

I feel that a woman's heart is made to love and connect in relationships, whether they are friendships, romantic relationships, or family relationships. As women, I feel many of us thrive in an atmosphere where love and connection is prioritized, instead of money, fame, and so on. That doesn't mean we have to let go of our careers and purposes - we are on the planet for a reason, and many women have amazing skills and gifts to give to the world. But we don't have to be so laser-focused on that, we completely deny our feminine energy, and our longing to connect in relationships with others.

I think I was blessed in a way, because even though I heard all those messages to deny the more emotional and sensitive side of myself, I always was inspired by feminine women. They were always my role models. I looked up to women like Donna Summer, Selena, Thelma Houston, Lavern Baker, Sarah Vaughan, Chaka Khan, The Pointer Sisters, Sister Sledge, and so many deeply talented women who were also naturally feminine (all these women are musical artists incidentally). These women just amazed me so much, and I was truly inspired by them.

The more I learn about them, even now, the more I realize why I was so inspired by these feminine role models. They all went through their own trials and challenges - for instance, Donna Summer was an abuse survivor like me, and she went through so many difficult life experiences. But they also kept their gentleness, their radiance, and their feminine aura and energy no matter how much hardship they faced.

When I was a kid, Donna Summer was probably my biggest role model. She could sing so beautifully, and she was also an extremely feminine, graceful woman. She had this natural aura that was irresistible to the many men she knew throughout her life, but she herself was very insistent on not being seen as a "sex symbol". She was truly talented - she could paint, write her own songs, and do so many amazing things, and she wanted her talents to be known and respected.

Feminine women like Donna Summer really showed me there can be another way - another way to be as a woman. I didn't have to shut down the natural aura and feminine energy I had - I could embrace it, and still continue my mission and talents in life.

Once I finally accepted the sensitive side of myself, the aura I was born with came into being again. I could radiate love, and that drew many people to me. Sometimes this was good, and other times it was not so good, but I am willing to give and share the radiance that is a natural part of me, and many people are truly touched and healed by it, which touches my own heart, too.

I realize now that having feminine role models is so important, especially in today's day and age. Sadly, we have many women in the media now who either shut down their femininity entirely, or go in the other direction and bring the very distorted "construct of femininity" which is not really what it's all about, in my opinion. Being feminine doesn't mean you have to wear revealing clothing all the time (I won't judge if women do this, since ultimately women can make these choices for themselves, but sometimes people act as if that's the only way to be feminine, which is not really true). It doesn't mean you have to wear a certain kind of fashion, groom a certain way, or have a special make-up to be feminine, either.

To me, natural feminine energy is an aura; it's a radiance that is hard to put into words. But you know it when you see it! Natural feminine energy just draws you into its beautiful world, and it embraces, inspires, nurtures, and magnetizes you.

Women who have this natural radiance can be inspirations for our youth. I hope to see more young girls look up to graceful and naturally feminine women, who embrace themselves as they are. I think being authentic and embracing yourself as you are is a huge part of being a naturally feminine woman, too.

Embracing my own natural feminine energy and grace really helped me become truer to myself. I realized that being vulnerable and sharing my emotions is actually a strength, not a weakness. It is very courageous to be in touch with your emotions, and not deny or repress them all the time. As soon as I opened my heart enough to actually feel and express my emotions, that was another way for me to get in touch with my natural feminine energy again.

I think the best way to increase this kind of natural feminine energy is to practice being open - practice being open to life and to the world around you. Let your emotions come without judging them or trying to control them all the time. Give yourself permission to just be. Don't be afraid to laugh, smile, or have fun. Let yourself open into your vulnerability and the natural spirit that is you.

Natural feminine energy and grace are like ocean waves that have this natural, beautiful rhythm. Natural feminine energy is like flowers that blossom so beautifully, without hiding their brilliance. Natural feminine energy can be both strong and gentle, alluring and classy, deeply pensive and intensely happy. It can be so many things at once, because your natural energy as a woman is amazingly diverse and emotionally complex.

I think every woman has her own feminine aura, so everyone will experience this in a different way, but that's what makes it so unique and beautiful. For instance, my own aura and style of natural feminine energy is a bit like a throwback, since most of my role models are from the past. I have a more "classic" style of grace, whereas maybe a woman who is more inspired by present-day models may have a fresh and more modern aura. Everyone's feminine energy and aura is unique, so yours may be different in other ways. And that's okay!

The natural feminine energy/aura is something you feel and know for yourself. It's not something I can really teach you to do, because it's something you yourself must experience, but I hope my thoughts on my own experiences and on feminine role models helped. :)