Autumn's Leaving

Reads: 29  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 2

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Song Lyrics  |  House: Writers' Tree House

An old poem of personal pain.

Time alone:

a memory,

a fantasy…

…it swirls in darkest night.

Tenacious grasp

on passion’s past…

…the world was daily bright.

What went wrong?

What caused this song?

A maudlin ballad sight.

A clash of wills

and different still

was your unending fight.

I know I failed.

I know I lost.

I know a lot of things,

except the cost.

Does all the time we spent amount to nothing?

I wish it was enough to say “I love you.”

I wish it was enough to know I care.

We could have shared the whole wide world together.

It’s hard to not feel that it’s not fair.

I know this life’s not to last forever,

and I know it’s filled with pain and fear,

but I thought we’d face the trials together…

…I thought that you’d be here.

Remember when we loved each other?

Remember when we were apart?

Remember times I longed to see you?

Remember voices in the dark?

Those days have ended,

and new days come,

but I thought love

would be the sum.

A product of one of one is one,

multiplying unity is more than none.

I hold out hope,

you smash it down.

You call it a cross

but I call it a crown.

I pour out my heart

you turn it upside down.

You try to stop the flow

because you don’t want the crown.

Is my affection so unaffecting?

I wish it was enough to say “I love you.”

I wish it was enough to know I care.

We could have shared the whole wide world together.

It’s hard to not feel that it’s not fair.

I know this life’s not to last forever,

and I know it’s filled with pain and fear,

but I thought we’d face the trials together…

…I thought that you’d be here.


Submitted: November 18, 2021

© Copyright 2021 Jonathan E. Lee. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Genzu4750

Man... You got me in tears.
That poem wasn't only heartfelt, but it had everything that a poem should have: lots of rhyming, poetic melancholy, and some sentences structured slightly backwards for that added tone, hyperbole, metaphors, onomatopoeia(the word 'smash').
I especially loved the part
'You call it a cross
I call it a crown'
That really just spoke volumes.
Obviously cross referring to how they saw hope as a burden, whilst you saw hope as something to be on almost proud display.
Honestly speaking, with the chorus in the middle and at the end, this poem would fit really well as a song.
I literally liked every single line of this damned poem!!! With a few lines as being especially memorable.
Also neat how the poem starts with
'Time alone:'
And then ends with you thinking that your (beloved? Betrothed?) isn't there with you in the end. Poem stars with loneliness and ends in loneliness.
You didn't even stray one bit from the point of the poem, it was concise as can be and with an utterly consistent tone(from what I could tell)
I believe that this may be my first comment where I have nothing even remotely bad to say.
###Do not worry, I will try to thoroughly and constructively sh*t on your next piece, unless it happens to be as good as this###

Thu, November 18th, 2021 2:13am

Author
Reply

I'm humbled by your praise. Thank you.

(I'll look forward to your regularly scheduled shit show in the future, lol)

Thu, November 18th, 2021 7:22am

Ann Sepino

I love the movement of this poem. It starts of small and rhyming, then swells into a free-form full of emotion. And the last stanza tapers of into a forgotten wish. Beautiful!

Sun, November 21st, 2021 1:11pm

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