Reads: 98  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 4

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Children Stories  |  House: Writers' Tree House

This is how most of the Sri Lankans spend the sunrise..

The sun is peaking


Through mountains and fountains


Through trees and breeze


Through towers and flowers




The sun is peaking


While cocks are screaming


Kids are sleeping


And moms are cooking




Treeeing! Treeeing!


It's 6 O'clock


Now the kids are


Awake (almost)




The sun waves 'Hi!'


The moon waves 'Bye!'


Now I'm going to


Eat my pie

Submitted: November 20, 2021

© Copyright 2022 nikappuhamy. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:



Aw, so sweet!!! Felt like a nursery rhyme =)

Sat, November 20th, 2021 8:35am


Thank you so much, Diya..

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:46am


I liked this poem. Such sunrise would make anyone energetic to spend the entire day. Btw, you told about kids and moms. What about the dads? Do they sit on a sofa or chair, and read newspaper while enjoying Dilmah Tea?

Sat, November 20th, 2021 11:52am


Do u know Dilmah tea??
I really didn't think about the dads "/
And if I'm writing another poem about morning or sunrise I'll add dads' part for sure..
Thank you, for your lovely comment Shri..

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:49am


Finally... Rhyming!
Now that is enough positivity from me.
Consistent and easy to read, but I dislike the line 'through trees and breeze', whilst one could imagine that the sun is shining through the air/wind, one can also just see how the author(looking at you, Nika) just scrambled together words that rhymed without consideration for how they sounded or what meaning was derived. (But it can still work perfectly fine, I'm just doing my sh*tting ritual)
Also, I am unsure of what you mean by 'treeing', as treeing is the act of forcing someone into a difficult situation/corner. It is also a hunting practice where dogs are used to make animals climb into trees where they can then be shot by the hunters. Please clarify your definition of 'treeing'.
I will also say, that the image of the kids sleeping and moms cooking has some intrinsic emotion put into it, as moms are usually the more caring of the two parents, and kids are small and need protecting. This is a very subtle but clever way of manipulating your audience without them noticing. (unless of course it is Poetshri and he starts to ask 'WhAt AbOuT tHe DaDs')
Also, the personification of the sun and moon are a nice touch to the poem, in my, very limited and invalid, opinion bringing some more life into the poem, even if at the end.
(also, you can just say 'its 6 oclock', you dont need the 6.00)

Sat, November 20th, 2021 12:49pm


Thank you for your big, long comment Gen..
I really didn't know that there was a word; treeing.. I just used the word for the alarm ringintone.. I'll edit the poem with one more 'e'..
I added trees and breeze bc they sound similar.. I didn't think about the meaning it gives.. Thank you for the corrections..
I'm very happy bc you didn't say 'It'll be good if you add more rhymings. I only see ___'

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:57am

Thoughts Before Rem

This is cute, I really like this one. It's so heartwarming.

Mon, November 22nd, 2021 10:45am


Awee... Thank you sooooo much UwU

Mon, November 22nd, 2021 2:46am

Facebook Comments

More Children Stories Poems

Other Content by nikappuhamy

Poem / Other

Poem / Poetry

Poem / Poetry