Sunrise

Reads: 98  | Likes: 2  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 4

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Children Stories  |  House: Writers' Tree House

This is how most of the Sri Lankans spend the sunrise..

The sun is peaking

 

Through mountains and fountains

 

Through trees and breeze

 

Through towers and flowers

 

 

 

The sun is peaking

 

While cocks are screaming

 

Kids are sleeping

 

And moms are cooking

 

 

 

Treeeing! Treeeing!

 

It's 6 O'clock

 

Now the kids are

 

Awake (almost)

 

 

 

The sun waves 'Hi!'

 

The moon waves 'Bye!'

 

Now I'm going to

 

Eat my pie


Submitted: November 20, 2021

© Copyright 2022 nikappuhamy. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

DiyaSL

Aw, so sweet!!! Felt like a nursery rhyme =)

Sat, November 20th, 2021 8:35am

Author
Reply

Thank you so much, Diya..

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:46am

Poetshri

I liked this poem. Such sunrise would make anyone energetic to spend the entire day. Btw, you told about kids and moms. What about the dads? Do they sit on a sofa or chair, and read newspaper while enjoying Dilmah Tea?

Sat, November 20th, 2021 11:52am

Author
Reply

Do u know Dilmah tea??
I really didn't think about the dads "/
And if I'm writing another poem about morning or sunrise I'll add dads' part for sure..
Thank you, for your lovely comment Shri..

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:49am

Genzu4750

Finally... Rhyming!
Now that is enough positivity from me.
Consistent and easy to read, but I dislike the line 'through trees and breeze', whilst one could imagine that the sun is shining through the air/wind, one can also just see how the author(looking at you, Nika) just scrambled together words that rhymed without consideration for how they sounded or what meaning was derived. (But it can still work perfectly fine, I'm just doing my sh*tting ritual)
Also, I am unsure of what you mean by 'treeing', as treeing is the act of forcing someone into a difficult situation/corner. It is also a hunting practice where dogs are used to make animals climb into trees where they can then be shot by the hunters. Please clarify your definition of 'treeing'.
I will also say, that the image of the kids sleeping and moms cooking has some intrinsic emotion put into it, as moms are usually the more caring of the two parents, and kids are small and need protecting. This is a very subtle but clever way of manipulating your audience without them noticing. (unless of course it is Poetshri and he starts to ask 'WhAt AbOuT tHe DaDs')
Also, the personification of the sun and moon are a nice touch to the poem, in my, very limited and invalid, opinion bringing some more life into the poem, even if at the end.
(also, you can just say 'its 6 oclock', you dont need the 6.00)

Sat, November 20th, 2021 12:49pm

Author
Reply

At last, YOU LIKED THIS POEM!!
Thank you for your big, long comment Gen..
I really didn't know that there was a word; treeing.. I just used the word for the alarm ringintone.. I'll edit the poem with one more 'e'..
I added trees and breeze bc they sound similar.. I didn't think about the meaning it gives.. Thank you for the corrections..
I'm very happy bc you didn't say 'It'll be good if you add more rhymings. I only see ___'

Sat, November 20th, 2021 5:57am

Thoughts Before Rem

This is cute, I really like this one. It's so heartwarming.

Mon, November 22nd, 2021 10:45am

Author
Reply

Awee... Thank you sooooo much UwU

Mon, November 22nd, 2021 2:46am

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