Table of Contents
Chapter 1
chapter 2
Chapter 3
chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Recent Comments
I'm here, finally! ^u^ Thanks for inviting me to read your story. My thoughts so far:
I like the chapter's consistency. It's fast-paced throughout, which means that we get an idea of how the rest of the story will probably be told. The dialogues are cohesive, and they also reflect the ages and personalities of the characters quite well.
And I like that you're getting to the meat of the story as soon as possible, but I also think that you can add to its atmosphere. It's best to follow the rule of "show, don't tell" for the majority of the book, because it will grab the readers' attention.
For instance, you can incorporate the characters' physical features into the scene: "Erin's long, wavy, red hair glistened in the sunlight as she nodded." (Or something to that effect.)
Overall, great job on the first chapter. I'm gonna check out the second one as soon as I'm free. Keep it up!
Great introduction. the chapter was short and to the point, and the dialogues are coherent. certainly worth continuing
Sun, October 16th, 2022 5:47pmLove the introduction! Some great insight into the characters, a hint of backstory, and an eerie endnote. A perfect recipe for an opening chapter, lol.
Thu, October 20th, 2022 3:00pmI like it! You do a great job with detail, and the characters are relatable. As a student myself I can imagine the struggle. I wonder what the noise was. Nice shout out to an retro cartoon network cartoon! Or is it nick, I forget lol
Sat, September 16th, 2023 2:53pmFacebook Comments
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Richard C. Parr
There is a lovely introduction to the character and the atmosphere. There is darkness and a retreat to the past, and you bring in many elements of the past all at once. It is a fast paced read. I can feel the darkness in the story and you have set up a promising mini-cliffhanger into the second chapter.
Sun, June 12th, 2022 3:59amI am sorry to hear you have cerebral palsy. My heart goes out to you. Does it give you a greater ability to focus in your mind?
I suffered from a lack of focus during childhood because of escaping into the imagination to avoid trauma. This seems to have benefited me in ways of creating worlds in the mind, but I have had to balance this with meditation and finding a way to reconnect with my body.
Author
Reply
Thank you for commenting. When I focus on other things like writing, my body relaxes.
Sun, June 12th, 2022 9:23amWill you read more of Dinowar, soon?