Drinking your own Poison

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Review Chain

This was just something I wrote the other day. I've been around alcoholics and people with addictions my whole life. I can see how it can take a toll on one's mental health. It has even affect me in some regards, but I sort of show a perspective how we do things to hide our own truths.




 

It’s easier to drink something to escape reality. You sit at the bar, looking at the people around you, as they each pick their own poison to not think about their own dementing realities. It might not be a good thing if the bartender knows your drink from the moment you sit yourself in front of them. However, you don’t give a damn when your favourite drink is reflecting on your tiring reflection. You take one of the most poisonous martini, the sweetest sin of the taste of a shiny red apple. As you drink your pretty martini, you reminisce about your childhood in a foggy haze. You laugh at the irony when you remember how Snow White takes a bite from the shiny red apple from the Evil Queen in disguise. 

 

At first, your younger-self wonders why Snow White bites the apple in the first place? The rule you learn at a young age, don’t take anything from a stranger, especially from a wicked old hag that can give you nightmares in your sleep. Although the apple represents a sinful temptation for the pure princess that younger kids won’t understand. Of course, you’re older now as you understand why Snow White desperately takes the apple from the queen. Your hopes and dreams can be easy prey for you to drink your own poison. You just think one bite or sip in your case, which will bring you a stroke of happiness in your darker times. The darkness you keep inside yourself, no matter how you may act like a Disney Princess when you believe things will be all fine and dandy. 

 

The glass is empty now, but you are a bit woozy to notice. Your lips become red as an apple as you flash a charming smile to the bartender. You ask for another one, thinking the night is still young and one more just won’t hurt you. Once the bartender makes your poison again, you chug it like it’s one of your favorite apple juice boxes. It’s almost as if you're a kid again. No worries, no responsibilities, just an adult who misses being a kid. However, the poison your drinking brings back darker memories of your childhood. You remember your own father sitting at a bar, him drinking his own poisons after another like a glutton pig, and finding his behavior unpredictable like a Mad Hatter. 

 

Here you are now in the present, looking at the empty seat like your father is still sitting next to you. There’s many things you want to say, but you find yourself still afraid of him like the child you are. However, you want to curse him, you want to hurt him like he has hurt you in the past, but all you see is the pathetic and impulsive old man. You tell yourself you love your father, yet you find yourself struggling to love your father. Moreover, you hate your father and you find yourself wicked if you don't mourn for him going back to jail. Of course, it’s the alcohol talking since your father has in his own right is trying his best. Although so many tears keep on falling down on him as your father let’s you down repeatedly. 

 

Suddenly, someone walks by you slyly like a luscious wolf, and you’re trying everything not to roll your eyes. As you look at the person who passes by you, even though their face seems faceless to you. However, you’re not blind to the desire in their eyes, which turns you off immediately. Of course, you might bathe in their wanton looks, since in your own right you can be conceited like the Wicked Queen at times. Despite everything, you don’t trust yourself to give your heart freely to anyone. Sometimes, you drink just to set a misleading expectation for your potential partner. You’re cautious, you don’t trust easily, and it takes a lot for you to become interested in anyone without your setbacks standing in your way. 

 

You relax yourself a bit, looking at this potential partner like a game of some sorts. You know this dance you can tango yourself in, but you always need to be the one to lead and be the one in control. In the corner of your eye, you notice your poison is empty again, and you look at your potential partner. You give a subtle wink to them as you shake your empty glass towards them. A quiet laugh escapes you as you notice them buying you another drink from the bartender. 

 

Of course, you make sure it’s on their tab and not your own since you don’t pay for going over your drink limit. The person sits across from you now, with their own poison in their hand, and they say something typical you find yourself hearing a lot about your appearance. It’s cute that this person thinks they're getting lucky tonight, but you’re the one in control and you’re not the one to indulge passionately with strangers. Dancing with them, kissing them under the neon lights, and then ghosting yourself away to the next person. No promises, no strings attached, and then waking up the next day with a God awful hangover.

 

When you find yourself looking at your usual bar-hopping routine, you might find it a bit sad you only go here to escape from things you don’t want to think about. Old and toxic habits you bring out like it’s your most dirtiest secrets. You can’t be like your father, yet you will be letting down your mother for having a drinking problem now. In their perception of you; you’re their Snow White that they want to protect. However, the person you’re sitting with might think of themselves as Prince Charming, yet you love your independence too much to be a damsel. 

 

You find yourself getting up, the music and lights are putting you in a tizzy, and you use this person to help you balance. As you feel this person wrap their arms around you, feeling your body more hot than before. You imagine the person holding you is someone you love and you won’t find yourself expecting them to leave. Although you’re always the first one to run faster when you find yourself comfortable with someone. 

 

You’re not sure if putting yourself in a distance between someone has to do with your own daddy issues. You expect when the going gets tough, they frequently disappear and appear from your lives. You’re the first one to run and expect disappointment and you drink to it.

 





Submitted: January 14, 2022

© Copyright 2022 FromBlackToViloet. All rights reserved.

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Comments

charliemmurph

Kind of sad for second-person viewpoint, but great story. I could picture the depressing scene vividly.

Fri, January 14th, 2022 8:20pm

l reis

Realistic description of boozy nights in dreary bars. Hemingway once said, "I've had hangovers they could name battleships after."

Fri, January 14th, 2022 9:30pm

llywrch

You've taken a bold risk here. This is a very nakedly honest essay, & it is probably the best use of language I've read of yours. Almost no copy-editing is needed here -- which I believe says something important.

Sun, January 23rd, 2022 7:33pm

Nikita Ahujh

Drinking, it's a dangerous game. You have written a super precise chapter on it. And it's true. Bravo on the imagery. The person in lead in the chapter is someone strong, bold, who has not accepted defeat in life but wants to let go. This is something I have always imagined since I was young. It's beautiful, how you have described it. It's truthful, amazing, and well written.

Addiction is a sore patch that's everywhere and people often have different ways of dealing with it. I would like to read a follow up story too. Maybe you can describe various aspects of life? Chapters like these help us escape the reality only to pose like someone else for 10 minutes.

I would suggest to make your paragraphs a little shorter, if you don't mind. The large paragraphs make it seem like an essay. It's a personal opinion. A spot on description. Kudos and keep writing!
Best Regards,
Nikita Ahujh

Sat, January 29th, 2022 5:03pm

Poetshri

This story depicts how the addiction starts whether it is alcohol or drug. It always starts with one peg, then gets out of control. When depression joins, there is no turning back, most of the time. They try to forget their horrible past with the help of alcohol, but their past haunts them even more. It is like an endless loop. The author has shown these things very well. The only thing the author has to care about is the paragraph length. After reading this story, one won't be in a position to judge the character. Nicely done, Violet. :)

Wed, April 27th, 2022 6:17am

CreativeMarauder

This one really got the juices flowing.

I like the use of second person. It was the perfect choice for this kind of story.

Great use of metaphor throughout. You seem to have thought a lot about the symbolism of the 'Apple,' archetypes in general. The mirroring of your adult distractions with the childhood distractions hit like a gut-punch. We were set up.

Things got very dark in the end. Very few people manage to overcome their biology, especially now-a-days. Behavior is often a symptom of trauma, most trauma goes unaddressed to preserve the vanity of adults neck deep in their own shit, and so behavior like the heroine's is either over-simplified as whoredom or empowerment depending on your bias. Both judgements are wrong in the ways that matter and either way she suffers. You've just also saddled her with your own baggage if she takes your criticism to heart. Got to preserve the ego at all costs. Burning others down is a small price to pay... Right?

Also... Great choice of cover art.

Didn't mean to get preachy at the end... Since most subscribe to one of the two binaries presented to us through social programming... Odds are I might have stepped on a toe. I think this story is definitely important. I can tell you put a lot of thought into it. It makes me excited to see the depths hinted at in Unfortunate Souls with Corrine's mother and father... And the people she must sacrifice to Sin.

Fri, April 29th, 2022 9:44am

Criss Sole

I am very familiar with that need to escape... then feeling even worse the next day.
CreativeMarauder recommended this one to me, and it spoke to me on some level. I have kinda been there.
I am sure many others can relate. As sad as it felt to read, it was also comforting in a way.
Thanks for sharing.

Mon, May 9th, 2022 7:56am

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