The Voice

The Voice

She could feel the world caving in 

As she stood on the edge of the balcony

Waiting, for some outside force to push her 

Help her make the decision that she couldn’t make

Make her take that leap of faith

Help her possibly find an escape 

From this world where she doesn’t belong 

Or at least that’s what she thinks

Wherever she goes

Whatever she does

There’s always self doubt

Whenever she looks in the mirror

There’s a voice that goes 

“Did you gain weight?” 

“You look so fat” 

And then the cycle begins once again

The restricting of food 

Chewing gum becoming her saviour from the starvation 

The weighing scale becoming her reassurance 

As she sees the weight drop

Week by week 

Whenever she gets a bad grade 

The self doubt comes creeping in 

“Am I worthless?” 

“ Will mom and dad be disappointed?”

She knows everyone loves her for the way she is 

But it's the damn voice in her head that she needs the love from 

It's the voice that she needs validation from 

It’s euphoric to hear that voice say 

“You look better now” 

“Yeah, you look like you’ve lost weight” 

Or when after countless all nighters 

And the prominent stains of coffee on her desk 

She finally gets that one 100 

The voice says 

“Mom and Dad are now going to be proud of you” 

“Just do this everyday and that will be success” 

Countless times

She tried to stop that voice 

Countless times 

She tried to shut it down 

But it somehow always finds a way in her life 

So is it so wrong 

That she prays to never see the light of day 

That everyday she holds a knife in one hand and a bleeding bandage in the other 

Is it so wrong 

That she wants it all to end 

Because she knows 

Even after the countless diets 

The numerous all nighters 

That voice isn’t going anywhere 

It will always be there 

Lurking in the dark 

So is it so wrong 

That she does take the leap 

And feel free for once?