Grandpa and the Gas Man

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

My grandpa, assisting his son on an awning installation, laughed uncontrollably at his son's comment about his client's gastric problem. This funny incident is told in poetic form.

Grandpa and the Gas Man

by Eddie Dee

After Grandpa retired, to have something to do
Besides staying with Grandma, retired person too,
He assisted my uncle, an awning installer,
Re-modeler, roofer, and sometimes dry-waller.

On a day for a job putting up a small awning,
Grandpa knelt on the roof, so bored he was yawning.
He was finishing up by applying some caulking.
Uncle Jim was below, with the homeowners, talking.

From the trailer-home roof Grandpa heard each word spoken.
His joints might be stiff, but his ears were not broken.
Uncle Jim said, “It’s guaranteed never to bend,”
As the man of the house nonchalantly broke wind.

Though the husband’s demeanor was terribly tacit,
When he felt gassy pressure, he’d go on and pass it,
But a home-owing client is not hard to please,
When he seems so preoccupied cutting the cheese.

Uncle Jim said, “Your awning is warranted sturdy,
And besides,” said my uncle, “It makes your home ‘purty’,”
And the lady agreed; she was truly kind-hearted,
But her husband beside her said nothing. He farted.

In the hope of excusing her flatulent spouse,
“My husband has gas,” said the queen of the house.
“Not as much as he did have,” Jim made her aware.
“He’s released quite a bit of it into the air.”

When the man of the house made that buzz in his britches,
Adding Jim’s dead-pan comment put Grandpa in stitches.
Doubled over with laughter and grabbing his belly,
Grandpa rolled off the roof like a great glob of jelly.

“Omigod! Is he hurt?” asked the lady, exclaiming,
But the moans Grandpa made were not symptoms of maiming.
Grandpa’s face was all red; he could not catch his breath
His convulsions were symptoms of laughing to death.

When the medics were summoned, the ambulance came,
But the patient’s condition remained quite the same.
Said one, “Here’s a case we’ll remember hereafter,
If we lose this old fellow to terminal laughter.”

Well, my gramps did survive, only minim’ly hurt,
With collateral damage, a stain on his shirt,
But a stain more embarrassing, found just by chance,
Was the one Grandma saw when she laundered his pants.

Submitted: June 18, 2022

© Copyright 2022 Eddie Dee. All rights reserved.

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