September 23, 2022

I'm losing control, losing my grip,

I'm losing it all and beginning to slip,

- The sadness is here exposing my brain,

depression, anxiety-- I'm going insane.

- Afraid to write down what I really feel,

to write them, perhaps, is declaring them real.

-I've lost many things, including my choice,

I'm a mother and wife with a Bohemian Voice,

Domesticity rules--consuming my days,

consuming my will, setting choices ablaze.

- The loneliness grows a little each day,

and with it the fear that perhaps it will stay.

- Making a prison of its own design,

and depression is there to keep me in line.

- I'm reminded: the high, sadly won't last,

the antidepressants evaporate fast.

- Leaving me open to the inevitable fate,

that no matter what happens, I cannot escape.


Submitted: September 29, 2022

© Copyright 2023 jaylisbeth. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Mike S.

Seems like I've already commented on this poem, but it's telling me I havent, so sad but excellent, JB

Thu, September 29th, 2022 4:51pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, Mike. I know it seems redundant at this point, but I am letting it all out for now :)

Thu, September 29th, 2022 10:09am

HOUDINI

Seems like variations on a particular theme, Nothing wrong with that. Good rhyming, which is rare sometimes. Well Done! Sometimes all your feelings won't fit in a single poem, or after you think it complete you have more thoughts to add..

Thu, September 29th, 2022 5:55pm

Author
Reply

Absolutely, a recurring theme I am trying to break for the sake of my health. Thank you for reading, friend.

Thu, September 29th, 2022 11:03am

Michael Chad Cleary

I am a huge fan of the rhyming pattern, it makes for a more pleasant read. I understand that trapped feeling you describe in your work. I write about that a lot myself. The emotional extremes seem to be where creativity is born--the super highs and the super lows. I wont pretend to have some profound insight into your struggle but I applaud you for being brave and channeling it through good writing.

Thu, September 29th, 2022 6:36pm

Michael Chad Cleary

I am a huge fan of the rhyming pattern, it makes for a more pleasant read. I understand that trapped feeling you describe in your work. I write about that a lot myself. The emotional extremes seem to be where creativity is born--the super highs and the super lows. I wont pretend to have some profound insight into your struggle but I applaud you for being brave and channeling it through good writing.

Thu, September 29th, 2022 6:36pm

Author
Reply

Why, thank you, friend! It gets a bit redundant, even for me. However, might as well make something positive and creative out of this depression. I appreciate you reading.

Mon, October 3rd, 2022 9:14am

TheUndyingDarkSoul

It's like you are deadlocked forever in the never ending maze of depression. It takes a brave person to express their thoughts, because the true realities of a person are always real life. What you are feeling is a battle that will never be lost or won, but writing about it shows that you are in that battle, and you are still fighting for those rare moments of hope. It's a vicious cycle, and it will feel like a recurring theme, but I do believe that you will break this cycle forever. Your rhyming shows how powerful your thoughts are, and I admire you for writing them. This is raw and powerful. Great writing. Always keep fighting Lisbeth.

Thu, September 29th, 2022 8:59pm

Author
Reply

Thank you, my dear. I am going to try to write a bit more lighthearted pieces from now on. Let's see how that goes because I tend to go for dark lol. You and I prefer dark!

Mon, October 3rd, 2022 9:12am

Jeff Bezaire

A "Bohemian Voice" really struck me. It makes sense of many things, whether correctly or incorrectly, from many of your past and present pieces. It sounds like a restless soul wanting to be free, wanting to feel the wind running through her hair again, but traditional life, the duties of a mother and wife, have that restless soul imprisoned in a setting that saps the life from her.
Adventure is a strong mistress difficult to deny, her chant all the more difficult to ignore when stuck at home all day with an infant. I remember looking after my niece when she was an infant for only a couple of hours, but the time just dragged because there's not much you can do with them as they're still in that delicate phase of infancy. After the first year, when they're not always hungry or sleepy, then come the trips to the park and the longer outings, but that first year is tough.
It's something people don't often talk about, but having a newborn is more strenuous on a person's mind than retirement. I feel that in this piece.

Fri, September 30th, 2022 3:53am

Author
Reply

Oh absolutely, Jeff, the first year is quite exhausting. Fortunately, my daughter is turning one next month, and she's finally sleeping about 11 hours a night uninterruptedly. Thank you for understanding, I feel like I can never settle for the domestic life even though I do it well. At least the child-caring side, I am a terrible cook and terrible housekeeper lol. I hate gender-roles, too. Btw, I love this line "Adventure is a strong mistress difficult to deny".

Mon, October 3rd, 2022 9:10am

Jeff Bezaire

I'm not big on housekeeping myself, but I do like to cook, even if I don't do it often.
Gender roles are overrated and pointless. If we were intended to carry out specific tasks according to our gender, we'd have come with instruction booklets. Our genitals are about the only tools men and women are given in order to complete specific tasks and even then, those tasks are optional, not mandatory.

Wed, October 5th, 2022 4:32am

Author
Reply

I couldn't agree more! Since my husband cannot cook to save his life, he enjoys everything I make lol.

Wed, October 12th, 2022 9:37am

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