Teen Creatures

Reads: 607  | Likes: 6  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 10

Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: The Horror House

It’s Halloween, and Lori and Mimi are going to a secret ritual, but there is one thing Lori must do to be a part of the ritual.

Everything was ready for the ritual. Except for one thing.


"Come on, let me shave it!" Mimi begged.

"No!" Lori said, clutching her head.

"It will grow back."

"No! You aren't shaving my head!"

"Alright, but everybody's going to think you're lame."

“I don't care.”

"Suit yourself." Mimi shrugged and passed the razor over her head.

"The only reason I'm going is that Jessica will be there.”

"She will be bald.”

"I don't care.”

"Party pooper." Mimi stuck her tongue out at her.

"I can't believe you're shaving your head," Lori said, grabbing her blond hair.

Mimi shrugged. "It's just hair." She shaved the last patch and shut the machine off. "How do I look?"


The next day, Lori walked into the hall. She saw Mimi pulling her notebook out. "Hey! Nice wig."

"Thank you." Mimi pulled the brown hair behind her ear.

"Why did you shave it last night since the party is tonight?"

"You know me. I like to be prepared."


"Come on, let's go."

The two carried their books to the end of the hall, and into class.

"Hey, Mimi! Are you ready for tonight?" Bethany asked.

"Hell yeah!" She smiled and walked to her seat.

"Is that a wig?" asked a boy with creamy blue eyes.

"How did you know?"

"The line is showing. What did you do to your real hair? Shave it?"

“Maybe." Mimi smiled.

Ms. Brooks walked in, wearing an orange and black sweater. "Morning, everyone. I have a special treat for all of you." She came to the front. "Today, we'll read Edgar Allen Poe."

Soft grunts erupted behind Lori.

Lori turned to see Mimi contorting her face. "You OK?"

"Yeah, it's this damn wig!" Mimi scratched her head.

"So, take it off."

"No way!"

"Half the class is gonna see it tonight anyway.”

“I’m not taking it off! Buzz off!" Mimi snapped.

"Sorry!" Lori turned around.

“…Abandoned the family in 1810 and his mother died the following year, Poe was adopted."


"Bless you,” Ms. Brooks said.

"Thanks," Mimi said and sneezed again.

"Bless you."

Mimi sneezed.

"Are you OK?"

She moaned.


"I don't feel good!" she whined and ran out of the room.

She rushed down the hall and into the bathroom and locked the door. She hurried to the mirror. Blue wings popped out her back. Her skin turned blue. Control it! Control it! The wings slithered back in and her skin reverted to its natural human color. She sighed and took her ripped shirt off. "Dammit! I didn't bring a spare!"


"I didn't mean to snap at you in class. I'm sorry," Mimi said, wearing a large black turtleneck she borrowed from the Lost and Found.

"I was trying to help."

"I know. Look, I didn't feel good. I'm sorry."

"Next time, I'll leave you alone."



"I'll buy you new shoes."

"Deal." Lori hugged Mimi. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel fine. So, are you still coming to the party?"


Mimi rang the bell.

 The door opened.

"OOGA-OOGA BOOGA!" a green creature shouted with ugly yellow teeth.

"Nice try." Mimi rolled her eyes.

"Man! I thought I got you!" a muffled voice said and took the mask off, revealing a shiny brown scalp.

"Nice, Heather," Mimi said and took her wig off.

"Lookin good!"

"Thanks, mind if I take my pants off?"

"What?" Lori blurted out.

“Go ahead," Heather said.

Mimi grabbed her pants and ripped them off.

"What are you doing?" Lori asked.

"Getting comfy." Mimi patted her purple panties.


'"Don't worry. Her parents won't be back till tomorrow.”

"Why did you take them off?"

"You gotta have excitement in your life, right?"

"This isn't you!"


"I have to return to my friends. I'll check you guys later!" Heather walked away.

"Of course it is!" Mimi argued with Lori.

“Lori! You came!" A chubby girl walked to her. She wore a sparkling blue dress with matching high heels.

"Told you I won't miss this, Amber.”

“Nice dress, by the way! Who are you supposed to be?" Mimi asked, pulling her panties down a little.

“Mimi, what are you doing?” Lori whispered.

Mimi shrugged.

"Oh, no one in particular. I just thought it looks nice,” said Amber.

"Well, you look gorgeous.”

"Thank you. I think the shaved look goes well with the dress. Don't you think so?"

"Um, yeah.”

She laughed and looked at Lori. “You can take your wig off, now.”


"For the arrival!”

"This isn't a wig.”

“Oh." Her smile faded. "It would be best if you shave your head now."


"Before she comes.”

"What are you talking about?"

"You’ll find out," Amber said and murmured under her breath, "I'm so happy she's recruiting someone else!"

"What?" Lori said.

"Nothing. Have fun!" She smiled and walked away.

This is weird. Lori thought and walked to the punch bowl.

"Hey, Lori," Bethany said while scooping spiked punch up in a cup. "Nice costume."


"So, you're wearing a wig? Or you're going to shave it later.”

"No, I didn't shave it and I'm not gonna."

"I bet you look good.”

"No, thanks.”

"Oh, well, I tried."She shrugged.

"Why is everyone trying to make me shave my head?" Lori asked.

"Do you not know?” Bethany replied and sipped from her cup.

"Know what?”

“Never mind. We're glad you came." Bethany patted Lori’s shoulder and walked away.

"Mimi, what the Hell’s going on?”

"Please let me shave your head,” Mimi begged, pulling on her panties.

"Is this a cult?"

"No, better than that! It’s freedom.”

"'I don't know what's going on, but I won't shave my head.”

"She will not be happy.”


"Our leader.”


 "She's coming!” someone called.

Lori looked outside as a green VW Beetle pulled over.

Silence took over as the door opened. Out stepped a purple creature with short, stubby arms. Attached to them were three red nails as long as celery sticks. 

Lori opened her mouth to scream, but Mimi cupped her hand over it. "Shh! It's OK!"

 As it stepped in, Lori saw its square head dripped red goo onto the floor.

"Happy Halloween, my darlings!" the creature almost purred through her smooth, silky voice. She looked around through her purple and green eyes. "And who are you, my dear?"

"This is my friend, Lori. She's new, Madam Polkugi," Mimi replied and pulled the sides of her panties emulating a curtsy. “I thought she would be a good candidate for… you know… your job.”

“I see …" Madam Polkugi said and smirked at Lori. “You still have your hair… " She reached out and grabbed it with her nails. "That won't do.”

"What the Hell are you?"

"I'm just an ordinary creature, darling. I've existed for hundreds of years. Every Halloween, I drive to Mimi’s house to perform my duties.”

"Duties?" Lori repeated then shook her head. "That's nice and all, but I'd better leave. Come on, Mimi."

The creature touched Lori's forehead. Her hand felt clammy on Lori’s skin. “I need all my girls to look the same.”

Lori’s eyes turned light green. "Yes, mistress.”

"You'll do what I say.”

"Yes, mistress.”

“Good, lemme take care of your hair." With one tug, Madam Polkugi pulled Lori's hair off her scalp.

"That's better, right?"

"Yes, mistress.”

"Good! Now, let's give you powers."

Lori followed the creature. Goo spurted out her legs as she trudged along the carpet. They came to the basement, Madam Polkugi opened the door and scooted down the stairs.

Mimi passed the creature and walked to a blue chest. She adjusted her panties and tore the lid open. She reached in and grabbed a green book.

"You ready?"

"Let her read." Madam Polkugi pointed to Lori.

Mimi protested, “But she's new. What if you pronounce the words wrong and summon a tornado that kills us?"

"Have faith in your friend, darling," Madam Polkugi said. Slime oozed out her cheeks.

Mimi sighed and handed her the book. "Read this spell right here." She pointed then pulled her panties up. 

"You will do fine, darling," Madam Polkugi said, patting Lori’s back. "Just read."

Lori looked and cleared her throat. "Shalamamabna ootay. Mooloonn otay. Boo foo jypo noop. Give me strength give me strength give me strength!"

Purple light zoomed out of the book and into Lori's mouth. She gasped.

"How do you feel?” Madam Polkugi asked.

“Powerful!” Lori exclaimed.

"Good! Go into the night and feast upon the world and then I might help bring your true form out! But you will need even more energy for your Transformation!”

"Yes, mistress!" Lori said, walked back up into the living room, and punched through the wall. Dust flew everywhere. She stepped out into the night, while wondering what this Transformation thing was all about.

"May I join her?" Mimi asked.

“Yesss!” Madam Polkugi hissed.

Purple pants appeared on Mimi as she walked out. A cool breeze caressed her body.

"Let's go have fun!" Lori said and a little growl escaped from her throat. Red flashed in Mimi’s eyes as they walked into the street. "We need to get more energy for later."

 A couple of kids dressed as the Justice League ran, carrying jack-o-lantern pails.

"Who should our first victim be?” Lori asked.

Mimi scanned the street. 

A couple houses over, two teenagers dressed as robbers threw toilet paper over a tree in someone’s dark yard.

“Found them!" Lori said and sauntered over with Mimi.

”Hey, who are you supposed to be? Baldzilla?” the shorter boy scoffed.

“Yeah,” Lori said.

"And I'm Baldra," Mimi added. "We’re looking to have some fun.”

“Yeah? What kind of fun?" the other boy asked.

"Join us and you'll find out,” Mimi said.

"What if we refuse?"

“Then, you're whiny little nerds who haven't had any of this,” Mimi replied and shook her butt.

The boys shrugged and walked to them.

"'I knew you weren't wusses.”

"So, what are we doing?” the shorter boy asked.

"Follow us,” Lori replied.


They trekked along with the girls. They passed a house decorated with jack-o-lantern lights. Orange lights lit up another house. A girl about thirteen was dressed as a green witch. She carried a cauldron full of candy.

"Probably her last year trick-or-treating," Lori said.

"So, where are we going?" asked the shorter boy.

"It's a surprise, but once we get there, we'll have treats."

"What kind of treats?"

"Anything you want!” Mimi rubbed his chest.

"Sounds like we're gonna score!"

The two girls turned into the dark alley.


"Come on, we have a surprise for you,” Mimi said.

"What are you two up to?" the short boy asked.

"Nothing. Don't you want this?" Mimi pulled her pants down.

The boys walked towards them. "What's the surprise?"

"We're having you as a snack!”

"Like sexual?"

 Lori and Mimi smiled as their eyes pulsed a mesmeric red.

"You have the first shot," Mimi said and pulled her underwear up too high.

Lori’s nails grew into razor-sharp daggers.

"What the-"

 She effortlessly slashed his arm off. He screamed as blood spurted out as he collapsed.

Mimi kicked his friend down. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “This will hurt like Hell.” She bit into his stomach. He screamed and he fell to his knees as she ripped off and chewed his flesh. "This is delicious! Let's leave him, screaming to death.”

“OK.” Lori picked his arm up, sucked the blood out, and tossed it. 

"We have to go, now. It's been fun!" Mimi said.

The girls turned around and sauntered off leaving the howls of anguish behind them.

"That was so good!" Lori said and burped.

"You said it!" Mimi hitched her pants up.

"Who's next?" Lori lifted her shirt and rubbed her bloated belly.

Mimi growled and looked around. "She looks good! Her young blood will really transform you!”

A girl in a cat costume texted on her phone.

"Yeah! I bet she is scrumptious!" Lori said as the two sashayed over to her. “But tell me more about the Transformation.”

“It’s indescribable. You just wait and see. The new you will be out of this world. How you turn out has to do with who you feast on. This girl will be a good balance to the last guy.”

"Hey, I like your costume!" Lori said as she turned her thought away from her Transformation.


"Having fun?” asked Mimi.

"Yeah, do I know you?”

"No, I go to Earhart,” said Lori.

"Me too.”

"Cool, what grade?” asked Mimi.

“Eleventh, so who are you supposed to be?” asked the cat girl.

"Crazy bald bitches,” Mimi replied.

"Um, OK?"

"Can we join you?”

"Uh, sure?”

"We know a house that gives out lots of candy,” said Lori.

"Thanks, but I’m not trick-or-treating.”

"Then, what are you doing?” asked Mimi.

"Walking home from a party."

"This early?” asked Mimi.

"I have work in the morning. I'm babysitting.”

Lori's stomach rumbled. "Sorry, I guess I'm hungry.”

"You can have some of my candy,” the girl in the cat costume offered.

"No, thanks, I'm trying to cut back." She patted her round belly.

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's OK.”

"Well, I best be off."

“Wait!" insisted Lori.

“Huh?" the girl in the cat costume said.

Mimi looked around. Nobody was in sight. "You will feed us."


Lori felt her arm. "You seem to have meat on your bone!" She licked her lips.

"This is a joke, right?" Her eyes darted.

“No." said Lori as she stared deeply into her eyes.

"Get away from me!"

"But you have the right amount of muscle and bone!" Lori said.

"Yeah. Let us feast! You, don't want us to starve, do you?" Mimi contributed.

The girl turned a corner and zippered past a kid in an Ironman costume and his mom.

“What on Earth?" the mom blurted out.

Lori and Mimi slipped past the mom.

"Might as well give up.” Lori called, her eyes pulsed red.

She continued to run.

A low growl emerged from Lori's throat. "What fun!"

Lori and Mimi dashed after her.

The girl screamed. 

Mimi put her hands in front and a bolder appeared.

Their prey smacked into the bolder and went down like Wile E Cayote.

Deep cackles escaped Lori and Mimi's throats.

"Got you, now!" smirked Mimi.

“Please!" the girl begged.

Snacktime!" Lori sang and pinned her down.

"LET ME GO!" the girl screamed.

"No, I'm too hungry."Lori grabbed her hand and rubbed it. "You moisturize, do you?"

"Please let me go!" she begged.

“It will make you finger-licking good!“ She bit her finger off The girl screamed as blood spurted out. Mimi pulled the girl’s shoes off and opened her mouth. With a chomp, she bit her foot off. Howls of pain filled the air.

"Let's end your suffering." Lori grabbed her head and yanked it off with her super human energy.


Lori’s eyes pulsed red wildly. Energy soared through her body.

Madam Polkugi appeared. "How's my new recruit doing?"

"I feel great!” Lori growled.

"Excellent, darling! Yes, I see from your eyes you are ready,” the creature said. She rubbed Lori’s stomach. "Time for The Transformation!" The creature ripped Lori’s arms off. Out sprouted brown pinchers. "Next, your chest." She tore Lori’s clothes off and dug into her flesh. Rough, brown skin emerged. "Do the rest." 

With a low grunt, her legs cracked and green skin spread down them. Her head fell off and the mantis head popped up. Her feet melted away and seven green claws emerged from her leg. Her body stretched and bent. Her fingers fused together, forming a sharp blade.

"Wonderful, darling!"

Lori blinked her red, bulgy eyes. "This is... AWESOME!I feel invincible!" She stuck her slimy blue tongue out.

"Let's go back and show everybody!” Madam Polkugi exclaimed as goo poured out her arms.

Lori dashed off. She busted through the wall. 

"Doesn't anyone use the door?” Bethany asked

"Wassup, everyone?”

"Ah, Lori!"Jessica said. "I see you transformed."


"Ready to ascend into the Dark Dimension?"


"Oh! Didn’t we tell you?" Madam Polkugi asked.

"Tell me what?"

"I'm trading places with you. Mimi mentioned it. Remember?”


"I'm sick of living there, I work four hundred hours a week at McGrindle's, mopping vomit from the floor.I need a break. And you are worthy to be my successor."

"Why me?"

"Are you questioning her wish?" Mimi hissed. Her wings emerged out her back. Bright red horns grew out of her forehead. She took her shoes off and her feet turned dark red. "Ah! That's better!"

Lori gasped.

"We don't wanna work at McGrindle’s,” Bethany said as her head turned orange. Yellow warts spread all over her scalp as she stuck her long white tongue out.

"No, I’m not questioning her wish, but, I wanna stay.”

"Too bad!” Madame Polkugi said and pushed her in.



Submitted: October 15, 2022

© Copyright 2023 charliemmurph. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:


Raven Akuma

This was another good story! I can honestly say I wasn't expecting any of what happened, especially that ending. You have a good way of surprising your readers, lol. Also, the boys who were dressed as robbers, at first, they reminded me of Beavis and Butt-head, which made me laugh. So did the idea of McGrindle's monster employees. Good work! :)

Sat, October 15th, 2022 4:09pm


Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed! What do you think about the cover?

Sat, October 15th, 2022 9:30am

Raven Akuma

The cover's good! As with most stories, I was a little confused by it at first (especially pantless Mimi lol), then it made sense when I actually read. Do you make these covers yourself?

Sat, October 15th, 2022 5:00pm


Thank you. Yes, I make the covers with my friends' help.

Sat, October 15th, 2022 10:07am

M.S.Wepener 20

This was really interesting. It surprised me quite a few times. Loved the twists.

Sat, October 15th, 2022 7:25pm


Thank you. What did you like about it? What do you think about the cover?

Sat, October 15th, 2022 12:41pm

M.S.Wepener 20

The cover is really interesting and I am glad to see it actually links to the story unlike a lot of stories with their covers.

Sun, October 16th, 2022 8:38am


Thank you

Sun, October 16th, 2022 9:40am


Underlying theme:-
The known and understood conflict, of right and wrong / black and white...

The only problem with which is..

Most people ( steeple) live in a flux of different shades of grey;
Therefore vulnerable to polutive forces, outside of their determination. But noticeable, nevertheless!

Character profiles:-
Mimi - doubt / temptation ( though seems, enlighted?! )

Miss mrs p / alien / demonic / a disruptive yet enticing force.

Lori - the gentle innocent ( but negatively influenced one )

The other Characters are irrelevant ( though still significant ) for the purpose of this critique/ endeavour...

A concise critique would take days of absorption and interpretation. So will précis it to a point of some level of reasoning :-

As a work of fiction:-
A cool read.

From a differing perspective/ multidimensional view :-

It's an intriguing glimpse, into the psyche of someone trying to interpret the world and its interactive and surreal nature, of people & their need of approval, from their ^^peers^^

It's also, quite separately:- someones attempt, to understand, their subconscious & need to convey, to a third party.
A predicament they find themselves in. Unable to escape the quagmire, of desperation they feel.


It reflects two individuals within one body unable to live anything, but seperate lives...
...not yet realising, the choice is theirs. To accept both identities.
So live out some subversive semi utopic substructure dream life where both identities are satisfied fulfilling both roles.

Whereas, they could accept both, as aspects of their nature!
Not accepting,consciously, that they're disallowing the real them back out. For fear of rejection from those around them.

It's often the them around them. That is the real issue!
(Please don't ask me to explain this. As there's not enough electronic paper to slay. In the time I've allocated to this and executing and meeting that resolve)

This can only happen one way.
By joining forces with that small little voice inside. That when done. Will dispell the struggle within, of ego and Id.

The many names throughout this work. I found intriguing:-

One or two... in particular on a higher power level. amber and lori. I was waiting for the character Riley to make an appearance...

Alternative title:-
The tormenting of demonic forces over their lives. So forced, to compromise. To survive.


An impenetrable shield. Was all Lori ever needed

Black and white on one face(front, obverse, anterior)
& tricolour on its other face (back, reverse, posterior)

Its edge... ( where you live )
Silver and with the intensity of the stars, in the night sky.
With the words emblazoned around its perimeter - HEAVEN KNOWS, I'M WORKING AT IT. ONE SOUL & SPIRIT AT A TIME.

HOPE you appreciate my take on your work...

Mon, October 17th, 2022 10:58pm


A real horror of a story. Nice use of dialogue to keep the storyline flowing.

Tue, October 18th, 2022 12:53pm


Thank you.

Tue, October 18th, 2022 9:39am


An interesting story with plenty of great descriptive work. I like stories with lots of dialogue. Kind of letting the characters tell the tale instead of a narrator. this YA? In my own stories, I tend to shy away from violence, however for a Halloween tale it's often necessary. You did a good job with the flow and leading up to the end. You kept the twist well-hidden thereby giving the reader a few surprises along the way. Keep it up, you do wonderful work.

Tue, November 8th, 2022 6:32pm


Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed!!

Tue, November 8th, 2022 4:09pm

a. c. sharp

I really liked Teen Creatures and thought it had just the right touch of suspense and gruesomeness, especially at the ending. But some readers might find it a bit confusing when Mimi put her hands in front and a boulder appeared. A few words of explanation could be added to make it clearer that she is casting a spell to conjure up a big rock to stop her intended victim. Still, that's a little thing and doesn't detract from the story's overall impact!

Fri, November 11th, 2022 4:52pm


Thank you. I'll make the boulder part clearer

Fri, November 11th, 2022 10:25am

Vernham Chronicles

What a wonderfully gruesome story, full of macabre imagination.

Thu, December 29th, 2022 6:52am


Thank you

Mon, February 6th, 2023 1:05pm

Michelle Blower

Is the Dark Dimension kind of like working at a fast food restaurant for eternity? I liked the theme of transformation and the horror.

Sun, January 15th, 2023 1:25am


I don't know. I've never thought about it. Thank you for reading. I'm glad you enjoyed.

Sat, January 14th, 2023 6:25pm

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