Cannibal Chameleons: Ch-5

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

Spiral into madness...

~Cannibal Chameleons~

-Ch-5: Insanity of the Mind-

I sat there for a long time, eternity hanging over my head by a thread waiting to crash down. I had that unbearable feeling of pointlessness, what was the point of anything.

Cat and Don sat on either side of Vel. Cat was smiling with wide eyes just happy to exist, she looked around excitedly.

It was never about me, I existed for all my creations, I gave them life, in a way they were my demons. I didn't need to be a part of any of it if I so choose...

I place my forehead on the table thinking about endless solitude, the weight of it is maddening.

Then I hear Vel's voice, “You okay?”

Cat chimes in, “We're here for you as much as you're here for us, if you ever need to talk.”

I raise my head from the table and stare at them blankly, my vision slowly turns to pixels and begins to blur, “I think I'm going blind...”

Vel's eyes widen, “What the fuck are you planning?!”

Cat laughs, “Here we go again...”

Don crosses his arms, “You're such an asshole...”

~Thee Eccentric Schizophrenic~

I bite into an apple, my swollen gums bleed onto the meat of the fruit.
With my back against the wall I watch the world rotate.
The blood streaked apple rolls from my hand and gently bumps into the baseboard that runs along the wall.
(How long have I been on the floor?)
My butt cheeks feel strangely numb.
A young girl dressed like a panda rounds the couch and stands by watching, she says, “My name is Chidexiao.”
A bit startled I say, “How long were you behind that couch?”
She puts a paw to her lips as if thinking, “I have always been here, I'm like the Father that only appears at night.”
A twisted smile appears on my face, “That is strange thing to say Chidexiao... can I call you Chi?”
She replies, “If its easier for you, then yes.”
“Why the name Chidexiao?”
“Well, Chidexiao is the name of the one that must endure.”
Voices whisper across the room, “Brains are the only things worth having in this world, no matter whether one is a crow or a man.”
I look about, “Who said that?”
Chidexiao says, “I believe a crow said that.”
I scratch my head and notice my feet are rapidly swelling, “Why would a crow say that?”
The young Panda girl grabs my feet, “Its not a good feeling to know you have bad traits and do not know how to better yourself.”
“In my case isn't it easier to live blindly ignorant of my shortcomings.”
Chidexiao rubs my toes as the disembodied voice flows through the room, “Its never ending again, I'm so close to you, but for us there is no meaning, so close to you, my heart, my heart...”

I lean forward and look into Chidexiao's face with twisted eyes, “Who said that?”
She places a paw to her lips, “I believe a crow said that.”
I look about madly, my neck craning about in strange directions as I look out the corners of my eyes at the ceiling. My hands claw at the arm of the couch, I use all my strength to pull the weight of my dead legs. “Where is the Crow, does it hide in the window?”
The Panda Girl wanders away, “You're so boring you'll end up in the hospital.”
Stricken with an uncomfortable anxiety I begin to peel my shirt off, “Don't leave, this saddens me, we have just met and yet we will hardly know each other!”
The crow slants his head and peers at me through a shiny black eye, “We don't like your kind...”
I let out a scream of agony as the room melts across my face.

~Thee Eccentric Schizophrenic~
-Part II-

(How long has it been?)
I hear a ruffle of feathers, I can feel the crow watching me with its eye, watching me carefully.
I lift my face slowly, the skin from my cheek sticks to the floor, I slowly turn my head looking all about, I appear to be alone, but I know this is not true, the crow sits in a blind spot where I cannot see it, it is clever like a spider, the master of illusion.
“Chidexiao where are you?” I can hear the fabric from her panda pajama's shuffling against the floor. I drag my body around the couch and peek behind it, I find myself face to face with the large black crow, it jabs its beak into my face as I scream in horror.
With a loud 'Kaw!', it says, “I came to see you, don't come to see me, I'm not ready to see you!”
I cover my head with my arms trying to catch my breath through panic stricken terror.
Suddenly Chidexiao's voice comes from behind, “There you are, what are you doing back here?”
I roll over and sit up delighted, “I thought you had left me Chi...”
She pats the top of my head with a paw, “I can never leave you, so don't you worry.”
“Thank you Chi, I needed that, I don't know how I made it this far without you.”
Chi hands me my shirt then says, “You are aging, you have developed a poor character, you have poor taste, you lack intelligence, you have little to no money, you're dead in the water and I have become your paddle.”
I put my shirt on and hug Chi's little legs, “Thank you so much for your kindness, I don't know what I would do without you.”
She walks from my view then comes around the corner with an old wheelchair, “If you don't mind?”
I grab the arms of the wheelchair and pull with all my might, my dead legs act like two anchors, Chi pushes on my butt with all her strength until I'm finally sitting, she grabs my dead bloated feet and places them on the peddles that hang from the front of the chair.
“Thank you Chi, this is much better than the floor,” the room suddenly waves like water, my right hand appears bloated, “Why do parts of my body appear to swell?”
Chi puts a paw to her lips, “I think that you have a chemical imbalance, your mind must produce a natural hallucinogen.”
I happily smile, “As long as my hands and feet are okay then I'm happy, I feel better when you're around Chi.”
She looks about the room, Chi was barely taller than three-feet, she walks toward the wall and picks up the half rotten apple that has a pink hue from the blood. She hands me the apple, “You should eat this.”
I look at it in disgust, “I can't eat this.”
Chi puts it back on the floor, “Well then what can we do?”
I look toward a window, “Could you go to the store for me Chi?”
She pats my knee, “I can't go for you, but I can go with you.”
Chi rolls the wheelchair toward the door, the frame warps and I panic, “No, I can't go out there Chi.”
A loud 'Kaw!' echoes across the room followed by the crows voice, “They sell morality in a bottle cause your sobriety is belligerent!”
I look about madly, I can't see the raven, but in my minds eye I can see his head cocked to the side watching me with that evil black eye. Chi looks at me thoughtfully, “Do you have medication, something that will allow you to face the world?”
I say, “Lets look in the bathroom”, Chi pushes the chair down the hallway, I feel myself slowly rolling up the wall until I'm riding on the ceiling, then I corkscrew back down the other wall to the floor again, “that hallway was frightening Chi, if you don't mind I'd like to stay in the bathroom for awhile”, Chi pushes the wheelchair into the bathroom and shuts the door, she climbs on the sink and opens the medicine cabinet. I say in a panic, “quickly, you must cover the mirror Chi!”
Chi grabs a towel and drapes it over the mirror, “Hows that?”
I let out a deep sigh of relief, “That's much better, that was a close one.”
Chi grabs at the bottles in the cabinet, they clumsily fall from her fabric paws, pill bottles burst open, some splash to the floor and others in the sink, “I can't seem to find anything that can help our predicament...”
“Don't give up Chi I'm counting on you”, I look at the toilet and it begins to grow very tall, the floor stretches at great length and the toilet seems to be very far away, “if I needed to use the bathroom I don't think I would ever make it.” I see the large lid to the toilet slowly lift, two dark eyes peer out, I slowly roll forward in my wheelchair, it takes me a long time to reach the massive toilet, I stop in front of it and it seems to loom over me, the two eyes look down and a voice that echoes off the porcelain slides between the toilet seat and lid.
“Technological advances lead to psychological issues.”
I think for a moment, “Do they?”
The two dark eyes look slowly from left to right, “Moral and intellectual virtues are lost to admiration, when people look up to others they can lose their own morality.”
“Isn't that more common in youth?”
Chi says while dumping all the pill bottles on the sink and floor, “Are you okay over there?”
The two dark eyes look at me piercingly, “She cannot know that we are talking.”
I say loudly to Chi, “I'm fine, keep looking.”
The eyes look around slowly and continue, “Humanities hard work, their logic and reasoning capabilities will create a world with no emotion, the left brain wants a cold mechanical reality. For awhile I have been watching man, he is a being that is made of two entities, his negative left side and his positive right side, the two hemispheres in a tug of war for control, you will find this world creates left brain dominance, it is destroying emotion and creativity, I believe when the split occurs mans soul will be bound to its dominant hemisphere, will the conscious stay in material with the left, or will it ascend with the right?”
“I've never heard of this.”
“Everything in nature duplicates and splits, that's just how it is, man will ascend in two directions, the ethereal or the logical, the good the bad, the blue or the red, when the mirror shatters the mind must make a choice.”
“How can I exist without either, one side pulls my heart while the other pushes it away creating a pulse, if I remove either I can't survive, everything is positive and negative energy swirling endlessly.”
“If you don't think you can survive in the higher or lower realms then you need to find balance.”
“I think I would miss half of myself, I wouldn't be me without both, I would hate to make an enemy of my negative self.”
The eyes shift under the lid, “Earth is the battlefield, a place of decision, there's only two ways to go.”
“Is it not the same somewhere else?”
“Existence varies from here to there, its all preference, in a place like this where the left is dominant it creates an atmosphere where the individual is conformed to be more like the rest creating a hive, the creativity and emotion that humans are capable of lies in the right hemisphere, man has no room to be very creative in a world that wants high production speeds and large distribution, the individual falls prey to large corporations, this forces man to become a parasite to an establishment instead of being self sufficient.”
“So the mind is active after death, forming worlds depending on which hemisphere it relies most on?”
“The mind is always active, it is infinite, it splits and forms endlessly like cells. In this reality man is just a cog in a machine, he is worked until he cannot perform the task and then is replaced. Large business will erase all competition, that's when the few begin to control the many. They will advance technology for their needs and have the man power at their disposal to control indefinitely, this is the creation of the elite capitalist, they are the masters of the left brain. They use schools to teach their curriculum, every new generation has different goals and agendas, schools change with the times. Learning institutions are just a place where humans are developed into products, students performance is cataloged along with grades and statistics, they can hand pick from the human cattle which brilliant youths can be useful to thee agenda and separate the failures to work their lives away with menial labor.”
“How can they do that, those are peoples kids?”
“They are only your children because you birthed them, after that they belong to the capitalist, they provide everything, education food housing, all they ask is that you work for them and they do the rest, so in a sense your children are more theirs than your own. With this type of power you can sway the social collective mind, from schools to entertainment, they write the scripts, they know whats good for business, they make the next big phrases and trends, they choose what behavior patterns and what ways of thinking that should be looked down upon and criticized.”
The crow 'Kaws!' loudly and says, “Schizophrenia is classified as a view that deviates from the social norm!”
The eyes look me top to bottom, “You're an enemy, I would be careful,” the eyes look toward Chi, “I wouldn't take the medication, that's their medication.”
I look about the room for the crow, when I look back to the toilet it seems to be a regular size, the eyes are gone. I hear Chi behind me, “I think I found something that might help.” She jumps down from the sink and hands me a pill bottle that has a mixture of many different pills.
I look at them suspiciously, “I think they might work better if you take them.”
She looks at the bottle, “I think these go by weight, how many should I take?”
I shrug my shoulders, “I don't know, what are the side effects?”
Chi says, “Everything terrible, including death.”
“That sounds terrible, take half.”
Chi dumps the container in her mouth and climbs the sink to get water.

~Thee Eccentric Schizophrenic~
-Part III-

Myself and Chi sat in the bathroom for quite some time before she interrupted the silence, “I think these pills are working, how do you feel?”
“I think they are working, I feel much better.”
“So what should we do now?”
“I think group thinking takes away from the individual, if you don't mind I think I can lead the way.”
Chi nods her head, she climbs up onto my lap and takes a seat, she is lighter than air, its as if she isn't really there.
I open the bathroom door and wheel down the hall to the front door. I stop to take a deep breath and turn the doorknob, I peek out looking down the long hallway.
Chi says, “We shouldn't be cautious when we need action.”
“I know that, its just...”
Chi looks up at me, “Its okay, I understand, you may fall victim to terrifying visions.”
I laugh nervously, “Is that what you call reality?
I wheel down the long hallway toward the double glass doors, light pours through the glass ominously.
Chi pushes the doors open and I wheel outside into a nightmare.
I look about, my vision consumed by the red sky, I seem to be overlooking a battlefield. Men's bodies twisted and mutilated, they are smeared across the earth, the ravens decorate the trees with human entrails and flesh.
I nervously wheel backward as the crow 'Kaws' loudly, “The question arises, who am I?”
Chi tugs at me to get my attention, “All things pass, you just have to get through them.” She climbs down and circles to the back of the chair to push it forward.
I look about madly for the crow, I yell out, “I don't know, you tell me, who are you?”
The crow swoops down with lightning speed and grips painfully onto my shoulder, I let out a sharp scream and turn my head to the opposite side cowering from the bird, it puts its beak into my ear and whispers, “My name is Luna.”
I was on pins and needles, I turned my head and squinted my eyes, the crows presence scared me to death.
Chi spoke quietly while pushing the chair forward, “Anything that you are feeling isn't due to your condition or surroundings, your terror, sadness, even joy, these are all concepts as ancient as time, they echo back to you from time to time from the very edges of the cosmos, these are just things that a soul has to bear.”
I nearly wept wishing it would all go away, “Oh Chi, I can barely handle this...”
I slowly open my eyes, the sky is blue and the wind gently blows through the trees, Luna the crow is no where to be seen. I place my hands over my face and take in a deep breath, I feel a light tug on the cuff of my pants. I look down and its the adorable Chi dressed like a panda, she says, “You will be okay because I love you very much.”
She climbs onto my lap and I give her a big hug, then I say, “Chi, do you think it will be alright if we go back home.”
“If that's what you truly want, I would love to go home.”
I slowly turn my chair around and start wheeling down the sidewalk toward the double glass doors.
The doors open and two people in white uniforms walk out. One is a woman with long beautiful red hair and sparkling green eyes, she says, “There he is, bring him in Don.”
Don is a tall man, a formidable creature, a mass of muscle with a large beard running down his chest. He says, “Come on buddy lets get you inside.”
I look to Chi panicked, “Whats happening, they worry me Chi.”
Chi smiles up at me and gives me a hug, “Their just here to take you home.”
The girl with red hair holds the door open as Don rolls me inside and down the hallway, it seems to stretch farther than my eyes can see.
Don clears his throat, “Erin, where are we taking him?”
Erin glances down at a clipboard, “He has an appointment with the psychologist, take him to room 665 ext: 6.”
I look up at Don nervously, “I was actually on my way home, if you wouldn't mind.”
Don and Erin don't say a word, before I know it we are at the room 665, they open the door and push me into a waiting room, everyone in the room stares at me with blank mentally disturbed faces. Erin opens another door and I'm wheeled into another room. This room is a typical office setting, credentials hanging on the walls, tropical plants in the corners and bookshelves. Sitting in the room is a woman with shiny black hair and beautiful blue eyes, shes dressed in all black and has legs in black stockings protruding from a black skirt, her legs are crossed and she has a clipboard resting on her lap. Don moves the chair from the front of the desk and places it into a corner before wheeling me up. He then says, “Do you need me in here?”
The woman looks to Don, “You can wait outside I'll be fine, thank you.”
Erin opens the door and they both exit.
It's quiet for a moment, then the woman pulls out a pack of cigarettes, she hesitates before offering one to me, “Cigarette?”
I look to Chi and she shakes her head.
I look up, “No thank you, I don't smoke.”
She places one to her lips and lights it, “Don't say I didn't offer, last time you threw a fit.”
I raise an eyebrow, “Last time?”
She blows out a large smoke ring and sighs, “How are you Ken, my name is Vel, I haven't seen you since last week,” I have a look of sincere confusion, she ashes her cigarette before saying, “hows Chidexiao?”
Chi says, “I'm fine.”
Vel just stares at me, “Well?”
I just smile, “You didn't hear her? She says she's fine.”
Chi climbs off my lap and slowly walks past Vel before disappearing behind her desk.
I become distressed, “Chi, where are you going?”
Vel sighs, “Do you know why you're here?”
“Not really, I was just on my way home when those people in white came and brought me to you.”
I look over Vel's shoulder and see a girl with bright red hair laying on her desk, shes like a statue, she stares at me with crystal green eyes she peers at me through two black slits. I see Chi climb the desk and sit down next to her and gently pet her head. I gesture toward the desk, “Who's that?”
Vel looks over her shoulder, “That's Mallory, my pet cat.”
I nearly scoff, “That girl is your pet cat?”
Vel starts calmly writing on her clipboard, “Have you been having any visions lately?”
The room suddenly appears as if water is flowing through it, I look at my arm as it seems to double in size, “What do you mean by visions?”
Vel taps at her clipboard, “Lets say for instance, you see a cat and it appears to be a girl.”
I look at the desk and see Chi petting a large cat with bright red fur, “How did you do that?”
With no expression Vel says, “Do what?”
I look to Chi panicked, “What did she do Chi!?”
Chi looks up, “She didn't do anything, you have visions from time to time, but its normal.”
“Well that's a relief.”
Vel raises an eyebrow, “Whats a relief?”
“I have visions from time to time but they're normal.”
She smothers her cigarette, “I see, can you differentiate the visions from the reality?”
I look at her a bit confused, “What do you mean?”
“Can you tell the difference between whats real and whats illusion?”
I nearly laugh, “Of course,” Vel just shakes her head and writes on the clipboard that's thick with papers. Chi walks over to Vel's cigarettes and lights one before climbing on my lap.
Vel sighs, “I thought you didn't smoke?”
“You don't mind if she smokes do you?”
Vel pulls out a cigarette and lights it before saying, “Who, Chi?”
I smile, “Of course,” Vel just stares at me like she's not impressed. I reply, “What?”
She blows out a cloud of smoke, “What do you mean what?”
I look down at my hand and see a cigarette between my fingers, “Chi, where did you go?” as I speak smoke slowly seeps from my lips.
A loud squawk rips through the room, “Unfortunately its best to better yourself continuously than blindly help others!”
I twist my head around gritting my teeth, I look with crooked eyes about the room, “Where is he?”
Vel says, “Where is who?”
I look at Vel, she seems to wave like a sheet in the wind, “The crow, don't you hear him?”
Behind Vel Mallory slides off her desk and slowly walks toward me with her hands cupped. I roll back a couple feet, “I thought you said she was a cat?” Her hands slowly open and a large black crow shoots out her palms and fly's at my face. I scream in agony flailing my arms, “Waaahhhhhh!!!”
Don bursts through the door, “Is everything okay in here?!”
Vel stands, “Everything is fine, just give me a moment,” Don closes the door and Vel approaches me quickly, she grabs me by the face painfully digging her nails into my cheeks, she violently kisses my lips and slaps me across the face, “you're fucking hopeless.”
I'm shocked, “What the hell was that for?”
She plops down on my lap with all her weight and gently runs her fingers through my hair before blowing a cloud of smoke in my face, she looks at me with genuine care, “Here we are once again, you called on me, so lets skip the theatrics and get to the point, what do you want? Are you lonely, do you need attention?”
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
Vel sighs deeply, “Don't call upon me for no reason... what is it darling? You can talk with me.”
I look about for Chi, “Chi whats happening!?”
Vel gets angry and walks behind me to the door and locks it, she then grabs the wheelchair and proceeds to dump me onto the floor, “Cut the shit, stand up.”
I pull myself toward her desk, “Why are you doing this?”
“Every time I see you its something else, last week you walked in here just fine. Every other week its some bullshit, I don't appreciate you wasting our time like this,” I sit up and lean against the desk, Vel places a knee on either side of me and mounts my lap, she tries to kiss me and I turn my head. She grabs me by the hair and slams my head off the desk and forces a kiss onto my lips, “I really thought this time round you would give me an opportunity to get close to you, but instead you make me a fucking psychologist in a loony bin.”
“Chi help me!”
Vel slams my head into the desk three more times, “Quit fucking with me!”
The handle on the door twitches back and forth violently, Don yells, “Is everything okay in there!?”
Vel stares into my eyes, “Everything is fine!”
I say, “What do you want from me?” I can see shes frustrated.
She places a hand to her forehead brushing her hair back, her eyes reflect a sadness, “Why are you doing this? Why am I the only one conscious of what is happening?”, she lets out a laugh that is borderline hysterical. She lights two cigarettes and puts one to my lips, “I know this life can be hard on you from time to time, but you really went all out this time. I never thought you would go this far to hide from your own truth, hiding behind layer after layer of mental instability...”
I take the cigarette from my lips, “I assure you I'm not mentally ill.”
She blows smoke in my face, “That's funny, look at you Ken, you are fifty different shades of fucked. Did you need me to look after you? Or maybe when you were chiseling away at your fucking Ivory Tower you rushed it instead of taking your time because you wanted to hide and get away from there as soon as possible, so this time round its a real fuckin mess.”
The words fall from my lips, “Ivory Tower...”
Vel stands and pulls me to my feet, she spins me around and sits on the desk and opens her legs, she wraps them around me, she looks up at me with seductive eyes, “Do you want to fuck me?”
I swallow hard, “You're my Psychologist...”
She rests her head on me, “You are such a pathetic loser,” Vel stands and walks into the corner and stares at the book shelf with her arms crossed, “you can leave.”
I stand there staring at her, I don't want to leave but I don't know what to do. I think to myself,

(Is happiness not interesting to me, is this the only way I can exist? No one can force me to do anything and time grows shorter everyday, even if someone like Vel came along and really gave it their all could I even play the part or would I just be a statue looking out these eyes. I'm afraid that I would probably bore someone to death, they wouldn't stay around long.)
“What should I do Vel?”
She stares at the book shelf shifting her weight, “Do whatever you want, no one is stopping you. Just know that regardless of what you personally think you're loved more than you will ever know. Remember, don't ever apologize for who you are. You may be quiet and not really see the need to talk, its just that your interests lie in things that are abstract and strange to others. Regardless you have you and that is all you really need, when you let those thoughts consume you like you're missing out on something you only cause yourself a mental pain, I think you should keep yourself in check and balance your interests.”
I say, “Honestly I wish I could just run and get away... but there's no where to run.”
Vel shrugs, “At least your not like the guy with blood stained fingertips ripping all the pubes out of his scrotum.”
“I wish I was that guy, maybe I would feel alive. It's exhausting sometimes, just sitting here staring off into space with nothing to fill my time, nothing is interesting, I don't care for people places or things, I barely care for myself...”
Vel sighs, “You made it that way, even if you could change you wouldn't, you already made up your mind. Its now a waiting game, what do you think death will bring?”
“Hopefully something other than this. I have nothing left, I have no desire for anything, I have self control but when you conquer self what else is there? Just staying content with nothing?”
“You could travel, see the world.”
“For what, after one day I would rather be back home, seems like a waste of money.”
“I can't really help you, you feel the way you feel and no one can change that but you.”
I think for a moment then say, “I guess I'll watch the days slowly pass, as I age the walls will slowly close, there's no where to run, death will become my friend...”
“When that day comes I'll be here to drag you into hell.”
“Thank you Vel.”
“You're welcome.”

I sigh deeply and the room begins to spin...


 


Submitted: November 23, 2022

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