I wish I could too

She looked up and there he was again. He looked fine. If he was bothered he didn't show it. Why was she the one affected? She believed she truly loved him—she wasn't in love. She didn't know what love is. Not yet. But nevertheless, it hurt like hell. She would never tell him though. He wouldn't care. she remembers when they first started dating, how happy she was with him. How when she was feeling like she wasn't enough, he would tell her that she was enough. But now, it's all different. He barely acknowledges her existence.

"Well," she thought. " I did yell at him." Her mind unwillingly replays the scene. " But he deserved it... right?" she shook her head, her thoughts confused. " First he ignored me, then he tells everybody BUT me that he wanted to end it, THEN, he doesn't even have the guts to do it."

She remembers clearly the words that she had said: "So I heard you were planning on breaking up with me... for a couple of weeks. But you know what? I don't really care anymore. And you wanna what else? SCREW you!" Well, her language was a little more colorful. But she was mad that he lead her on. Everyone was surprised that she had it in her to say those things. She was a fairly quiet, shy, kind girl. She still is. That's why she feels terrible. She wished that she could have kept her cool, but she was so hurt. And so dumb too.

Everybody had told her that he was trouble and he was just going to break her heart. But no, she didn't listen. She saw him differently than everyone else did. She still does. Sure her view has changed a bit but she mostly saw it as immaturity. She believes that once he grows up he will be a good boyfriend. But he can't handle the emotions of girls right now. 

But still, she didn't believe them when they told her breakups were hard. She felt like there was a huge hole in her heart. What she didn't understand is how he could be so okay. He had told one of her best friends that he wasn't fazed when "she blew up on him." Well, then he took a swing at him. It was a surprise because her friend wasn't that kind of guy. But even if he wasn't okay, he did a lot better at hiding than she did. 

Even though she wants to be over him, she can't help but look for him whenever they are in the same room. She doesn't want to but she does. 

He doesn't look over his shoulder to catch one more glance at her. He doesn't think about her all the time. He doesn't keep glancing at her as he plays basketball. He doesn't let his eyes stray to her when sitting near each other. In fact, he appears to be quite over her.

She sighs, " I wish I could too."