Cupid Is A Grifter

Reads: 455  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 1

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

We all know that Valentine's Day is a manufactured holiday, but we still have fun with it. It's kind of nice (sometimes) to get your special someone a nice card, flowers, chocolates, other goodies or whatever...but what if we decided we'd had enough of Hallmark making money off of our willingness to play along? Maybe it's time to pay that little con artist Cupid back, eh? Here's what I would do.


Well on this 14th of February
I’ve consulted and derided
Even sort of confided
In that diaper wearing fairy
Just wondering where he
Gets the bloody nerve
To think he deserves
Such pomp and praise
Just because this day's
Named after him?
Well I’ve said it before
That found in his lore
Is the secret rarity
That his pseudo popularity
Is associated with a store
What store? Any store
That sells those written
Platitudes of love for the smitten
And the desperate to please
With their wine and cheese
But more likely chocolates - Jeez!
Are waiting in line to buy
Those vacuous lines
Of love and devotion
Not me!
But out of curiosity
I went to the store to see
The lovestruck indeed
Still apparently in need
Of the tutu’d grifter
I was disappointed sadly
By all the lovesick gladly
Spending cash for their honey
Just making Hallmark money
Hoping to start a fire tonight
Well I found that Valentine
In the back watching the line
Laughing and smirking
Just eerily lurking
Like a pedophile in the schoolyard
Cuz he knows all the saps
Are afraid of the flack
They may get from their betrothed
For no card and a rose
And thus willingly pay
On this manufactured holiday
Well I saw him and I saw red
Not in his hands but in my head
This greedy little bastard
With countless hearts plastered
On his foolish diaper outfit
I was having none of it
I grabbed the troll
As we both quickly rolled
Into the candy aisle
His face still a smile
Until swallowed by my fist
He started to scream then
And that was about when
The manager came upon us
What is all this ruckus?
He bellowed like a foghorn
Valentine pulled away and exclaimed
“Tis the fault of this knave
Who’s obviously so sinister
As to joyfully administer
Pain to the CEO of Love"
"I’m simply enjoying my holiday
So please take him away
As he is no fan of mine”
I was firmly asked to leave
And I just could not believe
The manager and customers as well
Judging from their laughs and yells
Sided with Mr V the corporate shill
I was both stunned and amazed
That people were so crazed
To think that this day meant more
Than all the others before
Because they bought a symbol of love
At a grocery store
Suckering the lovesick
Yup that’s Valentine’s schtick
Well I might be sick
But I’m definitely in love
So do as I say
And not as he does
You can show your love every day
Because there’s so many ways
A wink, a hug, a smile
Even washing the dishes while
Your special one relaxes
That’s love for every day
No matter how much time passes
Now I’ve said my piece
And it’s sort of a relief
To know that I am right with this
But of course I would be remiss
Not to have some fun with the day
Since you know what they say
Roses are red, violets are blue
I know you want chocolate cake
Well Hell I do too!
Happy Phony Love Day!

Submitted: February 13, 2023

© Copyright 2023 JL Wolf. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



I wuv it I wuv it. Good humor!

Tue, February 14th, 2023 1:39am


LOL thanks Houdini!

Tue, February 14th, 2023 3:08pm

Facebook Comments

Other Content by JL Wolf

Poem / Humor

Poem / Romance

Essay / Non-Fiction