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That was a good start and a good ending. It keeps the reader, excited to read the next chapter. Good job. Oh and that comment you left on my profile, you said you were going to help me on something? I don't really need help, just reading my storied would be fine. And read my bio, I don't use this account much anymore.

Submitted on Tue, December 22nd, 2009 9:27am

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OOOH pretty scary. It's good. Like meh stories, not to be a ass but could u check out my "Grim With Blood" series? Btw, if you do i will read all of ur stories and become a fan.

Submitted on Thu, December 10th, 2009 3:58pm

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Very good. Its just an intro so it doesn't have to be long. A good way to hook the reader quickly.

Submitted on Wed, December 9th, 2009 10:39pm

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