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hehe. I laughed. And laughed again. And laughed again. Gloom mis hilarious. And then--Gloom and Doom. hehe. rofl Eh, you know I have to nitpick, right? :) Zohar noticed the exchange and a smile briefly tugged the corners of his mouth. This is in Zohar's head. But we're in Max's head. You'll need to adjust the POV.

Submitted on Mon, January 26th, 2009 5:50pm

Luscious Lemur...hehe. Wacky humor. I like it. :) One nitpick this time: He thought back to the battle at Ransome Hall and the brilliant golden light from Zohar’s staff. ?? I don't remember that in the previous chapter. I may have missed it too. Just checking.

Submitted on Mon, January 26th, 2009 5:47pm

*shivers* Yeah, you've got me hooked. Nice, likable characters and now the action. Awesomenss. :) Two quick nitpicks: His voice startled them both and the cook turned to see Max in the doorway, leaning against the door frame and watching the entire scene with amusement. That scrap of paragraph is out of POV. If we're in Max's head, then... Read More

Submitted on Mon, January 26th, 2009 5:44pm

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