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Again, well written. However, I really think you should include more details of her surroundings and what she is experiencing. You are touching base on those two things, but aren't quite there. If you do this I think the story would become more appealing to the reader, and help to lengthen the story as a whole.

Submitted on Sat, December 31st, 2011 1:05am

Although it was fairly short I enjoyed what I read and am looking forward to more. This story has a lot of opportunity to become great, and I hope it becomes just that. Anywhoo, continue writing and I will try to stay around for moral support. G'luck, fellow writer!

Submitted on Sat, December 31st, 2011 12:39am

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