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you should try to make it a bit more unpredictable, the writing itself is pretty alright, but the actual plot isn't doing much for me, its not very original, and due to that some of its slightly corny, the word you created is fascinating, I'd like to read more about that

Submitted on Fri, April 20th, 2012 5:22am

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Well written, the characters are interesting and it comes off as a black comedy

Submitted on Mon, March 12th, 2012 8:12pm

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quite interesting, not usually what I read but its interesting

Submitted on Fri, March 2nd, 2012 5:23pm

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