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Hi there. Um you need to work on spacing. I notice you have a lot of .I sentances, should be a space between the . and the I, as for every other letter that is the start of the sentence. Secondly while the information about the bindi was helpful I think you could introduce it in a more fluent way. Maybe do away with the explanation straigh... Read More

Submitted on Thu, February 27th, 2014 8:08pm

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I can not fault your writing at all, its very, very good. I personally didn't connect to the story for some reason, although you have all the elements for this to be amazing. I admire the skill but something didn't grab me... Although now I am petrified my cousin will have a miscarriage or give birth at the damn baby shower tomorrow :/ perhaps ... Read More

Submitted on Sat, February 22nd, 2014 11:32am

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You are incredible for a 13 year old. I have said In previous chapters about desciption and how you could really strengthen the story in my opinion. You've improved a little in this chapter but I still think more would be awesome. Also maybe put thoughts in slant writng (Using baby terms as I am tech challanged and always forget the name) Keep... Read More

Submitted on Wed, February 19th, 2014 3:17pm

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