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This is very well written. Sometimes rhyming poems seem forced, but all the words fit with the picture you created.

Submitted on Wed, April 25th, 2007 5:53pm

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This was very good! Your descriptions painted a very vivid scene, and the emotions were communicated beautifully.

Submitted on Sun, April 8th, 2007 7:28am

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Great story idea, but as peaclver said, watch your mechanics. There are a whole bunch of ? in the middle of sentences, and there's one point where you had a few verbs in the wrong tenses. Other than that, very good.

Submitted on Sat, April 7th, 2007 7:12am

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