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Awesome idea! Your writing style is great, the concept is creative. I'm quite excited to see where this is going. And I absolutely love the last line, so cynical and almost humorous, yet it packs a thought provoking punch. Great job, please let me know when you post more >;)

Submitted on Wed, June 8th, 2011 1:41am

Interesting, reminds me of song lyrics. In fact, it seems similar to 'Down with the sickness by disturbed'. My brain generally associates anything with the use of sickness to this song though. Its sort of creepy, but catchy at the same time. Probably the most interesting piece I've read on here in a long time. >;)

Submitted on Wed, June 8th, 2011 1:18am

This idea is decent, but the lines seem extremely choppy. Almost as though you had intended to write a narrative, but then cut it up into sentence fragments and call it a poem. I also figured I'd point out that the font changes towards the end, sometimes Booksie does that and I didn't know if it was intentional or not. The message behind it is g... Read More

Submitted on Wed, June 8th, 2011 1:13am

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