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I've read your chapter 1 and it is interesting but also full of 'thing' that need to be ironed out. Check for missing words or words used in the wrong places. Also weigh up your opening line. Is it a good 'hook' or not. You have not used a tool called the suspension of disbelief. Once you use it the reader is forced to turn the page to find out wh... Read More

Submitted on Wed, April 27th, 2016 8:35pm

Hi, overall you have an idea that is interesting and developing. Where I venture to point out things about your story it is only to help you improve. The summary needs to be tighter. Clear out the unwanted details, phrases or cliches that drag a story down. You want to make the reader curious enough to turn the page and start reading. Your first l... Read More

Submitted on Tue, April 26th, 2016 1:20pm

It is never fair to keep the reader in the dark. If all is told and the reader cannot decide then that is another matter. Good luck.

Submitted on Sun, April 24th, 2016 2:02pm

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