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I enjoy the rhyming couplets. You've taken us through your journey of life and love. An opened window to a picture of a thousand words and yet, you've done it in 5 couplets. Nicely done :)

Submitted on Sat, July 3rd, 2010 2:18am


Ah the adolescent love...hurts doesn't it :( I hope you've moved on, because this poem is a definite goodbye. The random form suits the poem well enough and the rhymes are appreciated though forced in my opinion. I'll use the following as an example, "i have people dying for my number, so you wouldn't think i was dying for hunger, and among ... Read More

Submitted on Mon, June 28th, 2010 8:08am


The form suits the poem and I'm sure it was a conscious effort to build it up and have it cascade down again. Be careful of using the word "and" at the start of consecutive lines, as it makes it come across as a list of some sort. I would maybe suggest replacing the "And" in the 5th line with "As I"...just a suggestion. All in all nicely done... Read More

Submitted on Mon, June 28th, 2010 8:00am

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