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The comma between sincere and puppy dog is optional, it does come down to the author's choice, but as I did mention it back in Feb. I thought, I would explain why it is located in this re-read of the work now. Keep working and here is to everything you hope to achieve.

Submitted on Wed, July 27th, 2011 6:37pm

Suggested start: "Hey, what's that on your hand?" Looking down, I smiled as I remembered how I had written the lyrics to this new song "I'm Yours" there earlier that day in pen. "Oh, it's nothiing. It's just the words to this song I really like." "Sounds beautiful," he added, staring intensely at the spot where the words were starting to... Read More

Submitted on Wed, July 27th, 2011 6:32pm

Not your best work. The over use of the word "And" does your typical style of writing and your normal voice injustice. I believe if you truly wish to express your feelings within a short story, then write it as you would any other piece of literature you write. Short stories are written no different than full length stories or novels, books, etc... Read More

Submitted on Wed, July 27th, 2011 5:51pm

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