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That's much much better! The more detail you put in the more the reader can understand what's going on. I could picture those two spirits much easier that time and it was good to hear more about the characters involved here, very very well done! I do have a question as this computer won't load the rest of the story.. Are both spirits kind of evil ... Read More

Submitted on Fri, June 27th, 2014 2:24am

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Ok I can't read any further on this computer but I think this is going really well so far!

Submitted on Thu, June 19th, 2014 3:49am

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Nice start to the story :) All I will say though is in terms of the heart disease you might want to make sure he looks as ill as he is to the others, heart disease really drains a person.. I like how you showed how hard Spirits are to contain, I haven't been able to read any further yet but I'm hoping you show this throughout in terms of the twins,... Read More

Submitted on Mon, June 16th, 2014 7:09am

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