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Nice job handling all the characters interacting at once. I think the building tension was brought on nicely. I will say, during your second draft, I would add more details in between the dialogue. There wasn't a lot of scenery details or sensory details that gave the reader a clearer picture of where they were and what they were experiencing. Addi... Read More

Submitted on Mon, November 19th, 2018 4:18pm

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So, I ran through and fixed a lot of the tenses and grammar problems I could find. Overall, the prologue gave a good overview of the story soon to unfold, as a prologue should. I liked the use of foreshadowing and how each character is introduced slowly. However, I think the emotion behind this birth wasn't quite there. I couldn't feel the exciteme... Read More

Submitted on Mon, November 19th, 2018 3:33am

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So, this chapter first off was described brilliantly. I applaud you for your flow and set up. I will say however, that I felt a disconnect between Amare's age to the reaction she seemed to be having. Though she didn't say or do much, her methodical way of running her fingers around the walls until she realized it was a room gave me an impression sh... Read More

Submitted on Mon, November 19th, 2018 2:28am

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