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Awesome work! mentioned a few things otherwise awesome I feel like I could see the characters and the settings major improvement.

Submitted on Wed, September 27th, 2017 11:31am


I enjoyed this chapter more than the first the scene was very well written out and I could really see what was happening. Good job on that. ;-) did notice a few things but otherwise solid work.

Submitted on Wed, September 27th, 2017 11:20am


It seems a little sloppy. There's no character build or proper setting build. Who's Michael? Why is he there? Where is June's Cafe? Why does the girl think it's like a date? Did he ask her out? Do they do this often? How are they related to the Prologue? What is happening around them? What does the orange juice taste like? Who's perspective is thi... Read More

Submitted on Tue, September 26th, 2017 7:09pm

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