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Sorry it took me such a long time to respond, but I've been busy then I read the first chapter to freshen my memory for the sake of continuity in the story. Now, to my review (which I strive to keep honest): I. The tenses baffle me; some paragraphs are inconsistent with the use of tenses, being a line past then present and so on. II. There are s... Read More

Submitted on Wed, February 8th, 2012 6:27am

Aside from one or two grammatical errors, and several punctuational ones, this chapter (or final third of a chapter, as you've mentioned before) is well written, though I believe your introduction of the "big bad enemy" is too soon; the Giants would've sufficed for the moment, adding the Frostbite into the mix is overdoing it. In a perfect work yo... Read More

Submitted on Tue, November 29th, 2011 7:04pm

So I see you use the "winter is coming" motif, huh? There seem to be too many commas at a few places, but aside from that all is perfect.

Submitted on Sun, November 27th, 2011 2:34pm

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