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This was simply a great chapter. The tension was so strong I had to remember to breathe One or two paragraphs made me think it was Dante instead of Kat who had the POV and I marked some places where the telling dampened the mood. One thing I could have wished for was for more attention/emotions regarding Sebastian's death or emotions leaving... Read More

Submitted on Thu, June 13th, 2019 3:39pm


In the first paragraph you could enhance the flow by varying tge sentence length, instead of having long and longer. I would also recommend less information in many of the sentences I miss a clear POV, but what you do is working well. But it might make the reader feel detatched. A POV targeted towards one person opens a more intimate experience ... Read More

Submitted on Mon, June 10th, 2019 2:10am


I really liked when you went deep POV with Eurie. My biggest advice would be to have Eurie's POV for the whole chapter as the omnipresent POV in the beginning was kinda disorienting I do really like what you did with Eurie here. Best chapter in a while

Submitted on Sun, June 9th, 2019 3:45pm

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Booksie 2019 First Chapter Novel Contest

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