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Intriguing! I think you can cut back your words so the readers don't have to work quite so hard to understand your point. One quick example: He said with a pained expression on his face ... could simple be he winced or he grimaced ... Same goes for she furrowed her eyebrows. Maybe sum it up to: she frowned ... The lines in the opening paragrap... Read More

Submitted on Mon, June 23rd, 2014 1:11am

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