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You know at first, I thought maybe the dialogue should be more clear as to who was speaking it during that rapid exchange, but it works so well here. Very captivating story. Keep it up.

Submitted on Tue, December 23rd, 2014 8:57am


Very well done, definitely heartbreaking. Wonderfully descriptive. Been there done that. It sucks. Keep writing the good write!

Submitted on Sat, December 20th, 2014 9:23pm


Be warned young one, first sights, first loves, are not often what you wish them to be. Good structure and rhythm, I enjoyed this piece, good job!

Submitted on Sat, December 20th, 2014 9:22pm

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