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Oh, how I wanted to see you fall apart like pieces of a mirror reflecting images of your love. I like the potential here. Why the rhyming couplets in the second stanza? Do you need the word "just"? Why not "A smile sent my way"? Show me your love don't tell me. For example, consider the possibility created by simply separating lines 3 and... Read More

Submitted on Fri, May 21st, 2010 6:57am

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The rictameter poem is an interesting challenge. To start, please correct "simles". Avoid the passive voice: "Smiles are . . .". Show me don't tell me. Show me how a smile makes a day brighter. Who is "them? Be specific. Your poem has so much potential. The rictameter form suggests a mirror and it's reflection. Hmmm . . . "So I... Read More

Submitted on Wed, July 30th, 2008 1:03am

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You have a good rough sketch which could be expanded and refined into a short story or condensed into a poem. More specificity is needed whatever option you chose.

Submitted on Tue, June 24th, 2008 12:57pm

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