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The spelling and grammar need some work. I also assume you are not a native English speaker because some of the phrases are poorly worded. On the whole story needs some more work, though I can see where you are trying to take the story and the development of your main character is fairly solid for just your introduction.

Submitted on Wed, July 20th, 2016 2:58am

First off, I think you have an interesting idea here and I can see that you are trying to build up some interest and some mystery. I would say it's a bit of a near miss. I am curious what happened to the friends, but it felt obvious that you were dragging your feet about what happened. This was apparent when paragraph 5 & 9 end almost the same way.... Read More

Submitted on Wed, July 20th, 2016 2:43am

A good poem with a solid rhyme scheme. Often we know people who change beyond recognition, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. You're poem in some spots make it unclear whether this person's transformation is completely negative or not like "To believe in made up lies, that rose you high above the skies" actually sounds kind of like a goo... Read More

Submitted on Tue, June 28th, 2016 10:47pm

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