Comments: 11
Noosed Heart </3
After 16 years of being overshadowed by her older, yet less successful sister, Chasen is finally ready to emerge from her sister's shadow during her junior year. After years of straight A's and perfect behavior, she finally see's her chance when Gemma's grades and attitude slip below acceptable, only to find herself cast to the background when her sister attempts suicide by car crash.
Submitted: April 10, 2012
© Copyright 2022 Adaza. All rights reserved.
Chapters
Comments
OHH i love this, would you keep me updated for the first chapter plz!? thank! :D
Tue, April 10th, 2012 2:18pmi love the pics:) nice personalities
Tue, April 10th, 2012 5:55pmDude. Da fauq. It deleted my comment.
Wed, April 11th, 2012 12:28amI read chapter 2 before this one so I would like to comment further on the summary or back story. The summary should be used to get us to read your story over the others competing for our limited attention.
When a back story is presented at the beginning, it often will kill off further reading because its boring. It I wanted to be bored I'd read a Chemistry textbook. I want to be entertained. A brilliant way to present the back story is to present a nugget of info here and another there until all of the back story is revealed. This may be contained in your compelling opening, the protagonist is grieving, but in her own lifeless way, as is the family as they bury their oldest daughter. The further despairing and emotionally numbing sense of her draws us into her plight, because you have us caring for her.
Try it out and when you succeed, you will be further along as a commercially successful author.
Hey! Interesting characters! I'm the oldest in my family and I do see where you're coming from! In my family we all strive for amazing top notch grades, but my mom doesn't really recognize it so much. She's just like 'eh, good job' But like, Gemma, if everyone thinks she's perfect, then she must be under pressure to commit suicide! That's crazy! But Awesome job, I really liked how you explained the story and then showed us the character pictures with an explanation of their personalities and lives! Going on to the first chapter!
Mon, April 23rd, 2012 12:11amGosh, your such a r- HOLY CRAP! Umm... right. OK, cool. Bush turkey sitting on fence outside window. Totally normal situation. Well there you go... umm... right. Just because I named a scrub turkey Lennard! He totally suits the name. You just look at him and you're like 'OMG, it must be called Lennard!' OK, so when it was a cute little fluffy ugly baby it adopted our back yard and we can't seem to get rid of it. I think it's trying to replace my dog, who disolved into nothingness... hahaha...
anyway, as I was saying -ebel!
I'm the younger sister, but I don't really get overshadowed. Guess I'm just naturally lucky. Though it usually is "which is the one who went to France" just because she went on exchange, but meh. just, ya know, cash spilling out my life story to randoms on the internet. Cool one Ruby, cool.
Oh, and cello is spelt without and 'h'.
And you want me to tell you what you're doing right and wrong, eh?
*loud shouting voice*
YOU ARE DOING THE WHOLE THING ENTIRELY WRONG! IT'S A CRAPY STORYLINE AND YOU'RE TAKING ENTIRELY THE WRONG APROACH! YOU'RE GOING TO TRY AND I CAN TELL JUST BY READING THIS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO JUST FALL FLAT ON YOUR FACE BY THE 3RD CHAPTER. THE BEST ADVICE I CAN GIVE YOU IS TO GIVE UP NOW!
nah, I'm kidding, sounds good! KMU!
OH right, chapter two... cool one...
Wed, April 25th, 2012 12:36amAnd yeah... I was totally just talking to myself... I'm just too cool like that...
Wed, April 25th, 2012 12:37amHellooooooo Derek Miser! Haha .... I love your character pictures.. they are great! Anyways off to read your story. This has really caught my attention :)
Mon, May 7th, 2012 11:17amThis sounds great its an amazing well thought plot! Onto the next chapter :)
Wed, May 23rd, 2012 9:29amFacebook Comments
More Young Adult Books
Promoted
Boosted Content from Other Authors
Book / Mystery and Crime
Short Story / Romance
Poem / Poetry
Book / Young Adult
Boosted Content from Premium Members
Poem / True Confessions
Short Story / Science Fiction
Article / Non-Fiction
Short Story / Fantasy
Other Content by Adaza
Book / Romance
Book / Fantasy
Book / Fantasy
Charli Elyse
Tue, April 10th, 2012 11:12amAuthor
Reply
haha thanks love!!!! well i would totally **** justin beiber so it's chill :)
Tue, April 10th, 2012 4:31am