That Pretty, Pretty Girl (Etsure's Challenge)

Reads: 545  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 14

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic


A tearless face
No emotions present
Might as well be dead
She stood there hardly able to move
Staring into his eyes
This storm had been brewing
Far too long
A hurricane approaching land
The sun plummeted
Bleeding into the sky
Darkness fell
And all they did was stand there
She didn’t know how to say it
Biting her bottom lip
Heart pumping fear
Through her body
All she wanted
Was to let him know
That she never loved him
Never did
Never will
Her heart long gone
Leaving nothing behind
There was no love
Nor was there hate
Just an empty cavity
A tearless face
No emotions present
She might as well be dead
Raindrops plummet
Plopping on her head
An illusion of tears
Gliding down her cheeks
The words I love you
Clinging onto her tongue
Before her stood that girl
That pretty, pretty girl with long crimson hair
No words exchanged
A sudden embrace
Lips lock
I love you, I love you
Was all she could whisper to that girl
That pretty, pretty girl with long crimson hair
The roar of thunder
Silver lightening lacing across the sky
Passion sizzling in the air
Two steps back
Crimson hair like fire
Fingers intertwine
Two become one
For an instant, a second
Heartbeats escalate
Beating in unison
The storm is fading
Beaten down by the sun
Sunrays pour out
Chasing after little raindrops
Projecting a wave of bent light

Submitted: October 09, 2009

© Copyright 2021 Alessandra Fireheart. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Violet Moon

This was really good! I think you will do well in the contest! I loved all the emotion and I could picture everything very well. Great job! I loved it and gave it an "I Like It" vote! :D


Fri, October 9th, 2009 10:30pm


Aaw thanks so much. This poem actually means a lot to me so for you to say that...really means something. Glad you liked it. Looking forward to seeing what poetry you have to write for the contest.

Fri, October 9th, 2009 3:41pm


i liked it too. it was very good. and you were very good at portraying the emotions in the poem. :)

Fri, October 9th, 2009 10:47pm


Aww thanks.

Thanks so much for reading. Good luck with reading everybody else's poetry for the challenge.

Fri, October 9th, 2009 3:52pm

Mistress of Word Play

Lovely in every way.
I think you have a winner.

Sat, October 10th, 2009 12:07am


aaaw thanks so much. You're so kind.

Thanks for reading.

Fri, October 9th, 2009 5:37pm


oh geez. how am i supposed to compete with that. lol no hard feelings tho. good job. i probably wont win cuz that was the first poem i wrote in a long time. like a couple years long time. good luck on the contest. if i dont win i want u to :)

Sat, October 10th, 2009 1:43am


:) Thanks glad that you enjoyed it. It hasn't been that long of a time since I've written poetry, but your poem was good, too. I bet you'll be fine for the contest. And thanks so much for the sweet compliment. Means a lot to me.

Thanks for reading.

Fri, October 9th, 2009 6:49pm


this was really good. i enjoyed reading it. i gave it an "i like" good luck in the contest.

Sat, October 10th, 2009 2:23am



Thanks so much for reading.

Fri, October 9th, 2009 7:27pm

Lydia LaMent

This gave me goosebumps! The imagery delicious, emotion so vivid... thanks!

Sat, October 10th, 2009 3:11am


Thanks for reading.

Sat, October 10th, 2009 2:28pm


Pretty good. Excellent job at all the imagery you used. Bravo. This poem is filled to the brim with so much imagery which is great because I love poems with imagery. Makes it more interesting, you know?

I also liked how you broke your poem up into two sections. One dealing with the love long gone and the second dealing with who the narrator truly loves. Really cool.

Overall, good job. I, myself, rarely write poetry. Gotta be in the mood for it. You seem to have a ton of talent with poetry. Take care!

Sat, October 10th, 2009 9:41pm


Glad you like the poem, I know what you mean about imagery, normally I like to talk about stars. Weird, huh?

Thanks for reading.

Sat, October 10th, 2009 2:49pm

Brian W

A winner here my entry has no chance. You painted a good picture with your words in this. Well done

Mon, October 12th, 2009 12:30am


aaw thanks. I haven't gotten around to reading your poem yet busy with homework but I'll read it soon.

Thanks so much for reading.

Sun, October 11th, 2009 5:38pm


Excellent emotion in this poem. Well described and painful to read. And like the storm it rises to a climax and brings you back to earth slowly. Very nice indeed. Loved it.
God Bless!
Terri (Flash ;)

Thu, October 15th, 2009 3:33pm


I felt as if this poem was easy to put emotion in it becuase it truly came from the heart. Glad that you enjoyed it, I worked real hard on writing it.

Thanks so much for reading.

Thu, October 15th, 2009 10:40am


This was really interesting and I like the style you use.

Tue, November 10th, 2009 1:49am


Thanks for reading.

Mon, November 9th, 2009 5:55pm


That is very good. It's very passionate. Please drop by my page and read the new poem that i just wrote. It's sort of a challenge so please let me know what u think. ^_^

Sun, November 22nd, 2009 12:23am


thanks for reading

Sat, November 21st, 2009 6:29pm


This poem is incredible, very articulate.

Sat, December 26th, 2009 8:45am


Thanks for reading.

Sat, December 26th, 2009 6:46am


That was really good!! U got some talent! hehehehe :)

Sun, December 27th, 2009 10:17pm


Thanks for reading.

Sun, December 27th, 2009 3:26pm

Virtual Writer 2010

I love this! Really beautiful write, as MadaGDarko said! =]

Thu, November 25th, 2010 8:59am

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