younoticed me at the coffee house. such a silly place to be noticed. what with the earthy smell of ground beans wafting in and out and all around us, the yuppies shifting aimlessly in front of their laptops; it was not a place i figured i'd find you. the you i'd been unknowingly waiting for all these years.
i saw you enter, the way you pushed the door open, never glancing at your own reflection. you already knew your beauty, perhaps you were bored with it. but i wasn't. i stared, jaw slightly ajar like a fool. like some schoolgirl coming face to face with a rock god.
then the smile. you flashed it at me.you flashed me. oh how much more i wanted to see. i was not accustomed to this. this sense of wanting someone like me. i could already tellyou would be the death of me. my death, in a coffee house, with yuppies placed ominously about.
my wedding ring rang out and you glanced at it. then i glanced at it. you ordered your coffee, sat down and drank it with me. we shot the shit, talked of nothing in particular. until it was time to go. get back to the normality of being; the kids, the spouse, the job, the house.
and the next thing i knew, i wanted you. wanted you in a way i was not familiar with. in a way i knew was different. but who the hell was i to say i knew what was coming next? who the hell was i to say i knew that you were coming?
Submitted: February 03, 2009
© Copyright 2023 AllisonHanks. All rights reserved.
Comments
A most intruiging idea allison. Excellent idea. I have never even thought of love and gender in this manner. You make some interesting points in your intro/summary.
As for what you have written, I really enjoyed reading it.It was really well put together, inspired piece of writing and your imagery came out perfectly with your word usage.
A brief encounter in a coffee house, a soul meets another - what will happen - leaves me, as I said, intrigued.
Very good allison - so glad you have become newly inspired! :0)
big hugs
Author
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thanks, i think your energy has definitely sent me on a path i've always wanted to wander. ever since i read "written on the body" by jeanette winterson, it made me realize that gender really doesn't have anything to do with love. it's merely a facet of society telling us who we should or shouldn't love. i read that book in a class in college and everyone in the class was trying to figure out whether the main character was male or female and to me, i coudln't figure out why it mattered. the author purposefully kept the identity androgynous and i think that's because winterson was trying to get to the heart of love. she wanted us to see that it only matters that you're capable of loving someone else for who they are, not WHAT they are.
thanks for the read, vee. i hope you like the next few entries when i get them up!
You know, I don't often read the summaries. And wish I hadn't, but as there's two more pieces in me inbox, I thought I would.
For I read this differently, as a life changing even -sure. But one inwhich the protagonist takes on some attributes of this new character, and changes herself.
Either way, I'm intrigued
you set the stage well
Fri, February 6th, 2009 12:03amha. i really enjoyed this. i work in a coffee shop, and have a habit of people watching, and sometimes make up stories in my head about the people who wander through the doors...
Sun, February 8th, 2009 12:57amas booksie's token homo (haha kidding), I thought it was nice to see you play with perspective here. I find that when I'm trying to write like a straight woman, it can be hard to get out of my own gaaaaay head. so, I just write would I would normally write and then switch around the pronouns.
some of this was really relatable(imaginary romances in coffee shops, yum), however other parts, like her bra holding her too tightly, felt a little forced. I guess tight bras just don't do it for me. sounds uncomfortable. and maybe it's just me, but I find that lesbians are more likely to check out someone's hands, forearms, and face, as opposed to boobies. that's kind of a straight dude thing. but of course, I don't speak for the world, so take that with a grain of salt.
great "experiment", so to speak haha.
Author
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thank you SO much for your input! it's exactly the kind of advice i need. being a straight chick, it's hard for me to figure it out. i guess it's b/c i have huge tits so i notice other girls tits, that's mostly why i put it in there. but after your comment i think you have a very valid point and obviously you would know better than me! would love any other opinions/criticisms you have! thanks so much for the read!
Tue, February 10th, 2009 2:34pmI felt I was with you in the coffee shop. A breath of fresh air, walking in with a caressing breeze. Well captured Allison, some encounters are magical...
Tue, March 3rd, 2009 5:34amFacebook Comments
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guff01
I think this is a really cool and original idea. I know that society is serious about the whole political correctness and that there should only be love/sex between a man and a woman, but it definitely is true that anyone can experience the joy of love as a FEELING and not just through the physical act. It may be frowned upon and judged to be gay, but it is a choice and a lifestyle and a preference for them, and it is a RIGHT, and it should be allowed and not banned, even though to me it's morally wrong but I can accept someone who is gay
Wed, February 4th, 2009 1:31amAuthor
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i totally agree except it's not morally wrong to me. i don't think it matters who you love. all that matters is that it's a real love and you treat it seriously. thanks for the comment.
Wed, February 4th, 2009 8:41am