Chapter One - Why Me?
"You know nobody likes you, right?"
"Worthless little freak,"
"Aww, does somebody want attention again?"
"You're so ugly, you need surgery."
"Go kill yourself." The voices echoed in my head. I bit my lips, holding my breath, trying to block out the cruel words. Each insult was a knife to my heart, crushing me. I felt a hot salty tear run down my cheek.
"Baby. She's crying." One girl smirked.
"Lets give her something to cry about!" Laughed another. With that, I was smashed into the wall of the girl's bathroom, and pinned there by two of the bullies. Starting to shake, I watched as the meanest of the 5 girls walked towards me. I could almost taste her perfume as she leant close to my face. Quickly, she stood back and raised her fist. Stars clouded my view as her fist connected with my jaw. The girls let me go, and I fell to the floor sobbing, blood pouring from my mouth. The girls left, leaving me alone. I crawled into one of the stalls and locked the cubicle door, sitting against it. What was it about me? I couldn't understand why everyone seemed to hate me. What was so bad about me?
A loud bell sounded, signaling the end of break. Quickly, I washed my tear-stained face and gathered my books that were scattered over the floor. Outside the crowds were dying down as the last few students strolled to their lessons. Plastering a smile on my face, I slid out of the bathroom door and fell into step with the other kids. Walking through the school, I came to the PE department. I exited onto the playing field and began to run. Running straight to the car park, and out of the school grounds. I continued running until I got home. By now, tears were streaming down my cheeks. My mum was out at work so the house was empty. Letting myself in, I ran up to my room and turned on my laptop. Blinking a few times, I cleared the wall of tears from my eyes, clearing my vision. Loading up my music, I plugged in the speakers and began to play my playlist of my favorite songs. Each one reflected aspects of my life. 'Aiden - We Sleep Forever' was playing loudly, echoing between the walls of my room. I walked into the bathroom shaking, singing along to the depressing song and pulling a razor from the bathroom cabinet.
She cuts the blade although it's much to dull
I say she's all alone
Fighting for redemption
I know little pain, a little lust
I lose myself at night to feel the rush
of tearing my skin apart
Take this sadness and close your eyes love
Hey, call the angels. This razor blade was meant for me
Hey, call the angels. We'll mutilate insanity.
Leaning against the door, I clicked the lock shut. My breathing came in short, shallow gasps and the tears stopped flowing. In 3 steps, I reached my bed and slumped down onto my back. Hastily, I began to dismantle the blade from the razor. By now, my bottom lip was quivering and my body was shaking. Sweat began to drip from my forehead. Finally the blade came free with a subtle clicking sound. I pulled up my left sleeve, revealing an arm patterned in deep, taunting cuts and scars. The letters H, A, T and E were carved deep into the flesh of my left forearm, atop of the angry, bitter scars.
Gritting my chattering teeth, I dug the blade into my skin, below the word 'HATE'. Blood was pouring from the tear in the skin. I began to cut deeper as I spelt out a word in my skin. First I carved a 'w' followed by an 'o', an 'r', a 't' and an 'h', until the word 'Worthless' stared up at me, crimson tears of pity falling from each slice in my skin. Dark red blood ran in a thick treacle down my arm, running along my hands, and twisting around each finger before dripping sullenly onto my dark, wooden floorboards. Drowning in the depths of the blaring music, I drifted away, lost within the lyrics. Soon, I found myself falling into a deep sleep.
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