Created by Justine Challis & Andre A. Molina
Story by Andre A. Molina
Written by Andre A. Molina
“Oh my god!!!” exclaimed a teenage girl who was drinking the one beverage that gives the stereotype that all teenagers drink coffee from places that no one would go to if it wasn’t for the exaggerated high priced product which comes from an industry trying to steal our ignorant (Is anyone else confused by this informative rant?) teenage minds, “Starbucks has been destroyed by a burst of Douche from a Douche Lazer attack!”
Something was wrong with Douche Dude (well he is a douche). He didn’t seem himself today. He seemed mad, evil, and uglier (and a douche). His (doucheness) was darker. His eyes were red. He seemed like another Douche Dude. And now that he had destroyed Starbucks (Oh no he didn’t!), Douche Dude had gone too far (What a douche!).
“Douche Dude, put your hands behind your back!” the police had the evil douche dude surrounded. Then suddenly a burst of doucheness came crashing into the scene.
“I am Douche Dude! That man is an imposter!” yelled a man who had come from the skies and looked exactly like Douche Dude.
“No I am Douche Dude!” yelled Douche Dude (I think).
“You can’t be Douche Dude,” said the other Douche Dude, “Because I am Douche Dude!”
“If you were Douche Dude,” said the one Douche Dude that said ‘No I am Douche Dude’, “You would be able to do this.” and with those words he used a douche lazer to destroy a bank (too big to fail huh?!). The policemen who had been watching this conversation between Douche Dude and Douche Dude realized that the Douche Dude who had made the attack was not Douche Dude.
“Douche Dude! You are not Douche Dude!” said one officer.
“If you were, you wouldn’t have destroyed Starbucks or a bank!” said the other.
“hahaha! Very well,” said the imposter, “I am not Douche Dude, I am the Incredible Douche!” and with that he used Douche Of Fire (plagiarism!) on the police. However the real Douche Dude saved them by using a Douche Lazer to deflect the attack.
“Who are you?” said Douche Dude in a very Douche tone (because he’s a douche).
“I am you, the better you.” said The Incredible Douche in a very Douche tone (because He’s a douche too), “I know all your douche powers but mine are stronger.”
A very douche-like battle occurred. Douche Dude punched the Incredble Douche with a douche punch, but the Incredible Douche came back with an even stronger Douche Punch. So Douche Dude came again with a douche kick (a lot of douche in this fight!). The Incredible Douche was too strong for Douche Dude. He knew his techniques, his every move, and (his every douche) his every thought. The Incredible Douche was indeed a lot stronger. Where did he come from? How did he learn all these Douche powers (why is he such a douche!?)? Then Douche Dude had an idea. “Incredible Douche…”
“Ready to surrender?” said the Incredible Douche, “or should I use my Douche Of Fire to destroy you!”
“Feel the wrath of the Douche!” and with that a huge pile of douche exploded and turned into little pieces of Douche which fell on top of the Incredible Douche. “What is this madness!!!??!” yelled The Incredible Douche.
“Exactly that,” said Douche Dude “I call it the Super Douche Madness! And now you will be frozen in a pile of Douche!”
“Oh No!” yelled Incredible Douche, “Oh no! Oh No! Oh No!” Suddenly Kool-aid man crashed through a random wall and said “Oh Yeah!”
“I will return!” screamed The Incredible Douche, “I am Incredible!” (yeah an incredible douchebag). The Incredible Douche was frozen in the Super Douche Madness… He was taken to a prison (where all the naughty douche fairies go). There he would stay frozen in Douche.
Thanks Douche Dude! You saved us from the Incredible Douche!
© Copyright 2017 Andre Molina. All rights reserved.
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