Chapter 1: Welcome to supernatural high - animefreak77L

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 607
Comments: 20


Copyright 2012 Inksplodges, xxdevilsidelinesxx, animefreak77L



Like a feather in the breeze; my sister danced. Graceful and beautiful, her laughter ringing out like silver bells.She had no shoes on her feet and her long silken dress swept across the palace floor as she spun.
“Saffron,” I smiled, standing from the high backed dark wood carved seat, “may I dance with you, princess?”
Her face lit up, a smile which could light the whole kingdom shone out.
“Well, your highness,” she said, her pretty little voice teasing “you have two left feet, but as you are our future king, yes- you may dance with me.”
We both laughed, it echoed off the high domed ceilings of the palace.
She climbed onto my feet, just tall enough to wrap her arms around my chest, and we danced. There was no music, there was never music when we danced- we made our own music.
Saffron, with a voice like an angel; so much like our mothers, sang the song of our nation.
Egypt! O mother of all lands, thou are my hope and my ambition, And above all people. Your Nile has countless grace.
I didn’t join in singing- my voice would corrupt her own, too deep and crackly to sing with. My voice had broken now and I was becoming a man, a king.
Through the high crystal windows of our home, the palace of Luxor, I could see the flood of sunlight darkening slowly- night was falling over Egypt.
I heard footsteps down the staircase and turned to see my mother walking down the steps.
“Leonardo, Saffron- come to mama,” she opened her arms wide as Saffron broke our dance and ran over. She landed in my mother’s arms and held her close. I saw my mother smile for her young daughter, a careless and affectionate smile.
“You too Leonardo,” mother said to me, beckoning “you are not too old to give your mama a cuddle!”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around my mother and sister- they each had their own smell. Saffron smelt of pressed flowers and of soap and mother smelt of spices and sunlight.
As I held onto the two most important ladies in my life, the doors flew open with a startling bang.
I turned my head to see two of my father’s men rush forward in blind panic.
“Your majesty,” one of the men shouted “there are intruders, they are descending on the palace- I tried to stop them, we all did. Your husband… he’s...”
The man never finished his sentence as a woman wrapped around his torso, like a spider monkey, and sunk her teeth into his throat. He let out a gasp of shock and fell to the floor like a ton of bricks.
“Take your sister and RUN!” My mother shouted, pushing Saffron, who had frozen in shock, into my arms and turning back to the door, pulling a long thin blade out of her side bag.
I grabbed Saffron into my arms and ran up the steps with her in my arms.
I heard the screaming in the palace below us as a pack of these creatures flooded in.
“Go into mamma’s room and hide, don’t come out no matter what!”
Saffron’s eyes filled with tears but she nodded and headed across the hallway.
I turned back- to run and help my father’s men and my mother below, fighting against the masses- when one of them was on me- sending me crashing down the steps.

The rest was history- like ancient  history.


  My biggest fear is losing my friends, they are my life, I don’t know what I’d do without them. I can’t even imagine being alone. I’m a friendly person, very loyal, very happy and always surrounded.  Being alone is something I’ve never experienced, that’s why even the thought of it frightens me. I love my family and all those around me. Sometimes people tell me that I’m way too trustworthy, but the world is such a great place and people are good. Life is always bright on my end, but that just scares me more, the brighter it gets the bigger the shadow.

  What freaks me out the most is being around people. They just scare me.  Sometimes I’m afraid of getting to comfortable with my surroundings, making me put my guard down. I have trust issues I know but I can’t help it. I mean who doesn’t in this corrupt world we live in? The way people stare at me, it gives me goosebumps. It’s like I’m an alien or something, I will never understand why they do this. It probably just to get a good laugh out of it. No –one ever gives me a break that’s why I can’t trust anyone. I’m always the odd one out.  Human beings are cruel vicious beasts, and I learned that the hard way.

  I’m not afraid of anything, I do what I have to do and I have no regrets. Life’s too short for fear. I smile at the world and the world smiles back, and even if it doesn’t well that’s its choice. I am who I am and nothing can change that. Some people like me while others despise me, yet I am still the same me. I don’t change when I’m around different people, I’m not two faced but that’s exactly what some people want. I love adventures and I don’t mind getting into trouble. Life for me is a blast and I intend to live it to its fullest.

  I’m most afraid of losing myself and changing into the thing I hate most. I feel like time is dragging me with it and that one day I’ll wake up as someone else and I’ll never be me again. To lose myself to this world, to be changed it just scares me. To tell you the truth it’s the whole concept of change, why do we have to go through it? Why can’t we just live without having to grow up? Why does our life have to keep altering?


  Your never ganna believe this we are all the same person, living within the same body. Awkward right? Well that’s not even half the story.


“Mom, dad I’m home,” I announced as I walked through the front door. Nothing but silence greeted me back. I walked down the entry hall calling them but no response came. In the living room I heard someone crying. What happened? I ran into the living room to see what happened. It was my sister, Erica’s sobs. She was on the floor sobbing. I threw my book bag down with a loud thud and my smile fell from my face. I looked up and the next thing I saw scarred my life forever. Blood covered the carpet and the bodies of my mother and father. There was a knife in my mother’s bloody hand and our clean family sword in my father’s. Blood spilled from a gaping hole on my mother’s stomach. Lying next to her was my father face down and blood pouring out from the back of his head staining his white shirt blood red. In the pool of blood they laid lifeless. I didn’t even get to hear their last words. The world around me was spinning like a merry-go-round. Falling to my knees next to Erica tears spilled like a waterfall. All I was thinking of back then was why? Why did this happen? Who did this? This can’t be happening!
We were forced to live with our grandparents soon afterwards when we were kicked out of the orphanage. I hated that place, the people there, and the things they said about us.  Even our grandparents they hated us. Hated us because of something our mother did. That’s why we never came in contact with them. That’s why Erica left the house first chance she got. And that’s why I am sent to this special boarding school. I swear I’m going to break out of this school first chance I get.
“Come on sis, can’t you come here and pick me up and get me out of this hell of a place,” I argued. I was trying to get Erica to get me out of this before I can walk into this so called boarding school.
“Zane, I can’t help you here. It’s just one more year before you turn eighteen and leave too,” she said through the phone.
I sighed in frustration knowing that there is going to be no way out of that place once I get in. There’s a way in but no way out just like it always is. I remained silent for her to change her mind and guilt her into it, but all I got was”, Sorry Zane I have go now. Love you, bye.” And just like that the line clicked ending the call. I cursed at the phone wanting to throw it against the wall, and I almost did before I reminded myself that I wasn’t getting a new one anytime soon.
Five years ago my parents were murdered for an unknown reason and I vowed that someday I ,Zane Knight, will find out who killed my parents and get revenge on them. Two years ago Erica left that dreadful place, our awful grandparents’ house and I vowed to leave that place once I turn eighteen. These are the two most important vows I made in my life and are the last to that hasn’t been fulfilled yet. Now I swear to god these two things are going to happen very soon.  


Just two more hours. Come on hurry up. My mind was screaming at the clock practically begging it to turn its seconds to minutes to hours. I stood there at the cash register of our local ice cream shop. Having a part time job wasn’t really my choice but it did make life much better for me and my mother so I chose to do this. As usual I’m waiting to get home and relax like a normal teen on a hot summer day. My shift was from twelve to six which wasn’t really long but it drags.

There was a swarm of teenagers outside the shop that looked around my age. They were passing around money doing something that looked like betting. I could see their laughter through the glass windows. Ding, one of them came through the door. Making his way to the counter he kept his eyes on the menu listed on top. Great it looks like I’m going to have some trouble.

Plastering a smile on my face I asked,” I, may I help you?”

He dropped his gaze and stated, “Yes, I’ll have a double cheese burger.”

I stared at him holding back to urge to raise my eyebrows. What does he think this is McDonalds? Out of words and not wanting to apologize for not having such things in the shop I just continued to look into his dark brown eyes.

He smirked amused and laughed, “Just kidding,” and looked at my mini name tag,”Kirstyn?”

I nodded and smiled. And for some reason I felt defensive and some sort of hate for this guy in dark jeans and a t-shirt. He looked around my age. I am not going to lose this job I told myself. “Is there anything else I can get you?”

Keeping his eyes on me he seemed to pick something random. “Okay, I want a medium chocolate milkshake.”

“Okay that’ll be two twenty five,” I waited as he got out his wallet and paid for it. I gave him back the exact change ignoring the fact that he was trying to make some consversation with me. Handing him the milkshake I looked up and saw something flicker in his eyes. Anger? Or did he expect something more than that? But he stalked out the door before I could look again.  Outside his group patted him on the back laughing about something.  What the heck I asked confused about what I just saw.

By the time six o’clock came I was exhausted. I grabbed my bag and head for the door ready for a nice long walk home. When I reached the door of my house there was already someone standing there.

I looked over at the man in a suit wondering what was up. Walking over I said, “Hi, are you looking for someone?”

“Kirstyn Woods,” the man asked.

“Yes, is there something wrong?”

“I came here to offer you a deal. I know your situation that you are in right now. Tight on money. We can help you,” he said handing me a card. I glanced at it and found it blank with only a phone number on it.

“What’s this,” I asked with a serious look.

“We’re a spy agency,” I nodded not really believing it but still letting him continue.

At the end I found out that they were offering me a “special” mission to go to an “special” boarding school to spy on the kids there. And in return I would get a salary, better schooling, and it’ll help me and my mom.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You’ll receive a call at midnight for your answer, and remember no one else is aloud to know about this.” He got into his car and drove away after that.

I thought about it. Really thought about it. Waiting for my mom to get home was another drag especially after what I just heard. When nine thirty came it seemed  like I ran out of time.

“Kirstyn, I’m home,” my mom called from the door.

“Oh hey mom I’ll go get your dinner ready,” I said as I got the chicken out of the fridge and stuck it into the microwave. “Mom what do you think about me going to a boarding school,” I asked as I watched the plate in the microwave go round and round.

“Why,” she asked as she grabbed her utensils and took a seat.

“Well uhmm I was recommended to one with a full scholarship.” Placing the plate down I sat down.

“That’s great.”

“You really think so?”

“As long as it’ll make your future better than mine, honey.”

I nodded and said, “Okay, I’ll think about it. Goodnight mom.”

When I was done with my daily night where-abouts I went to my room and locked my door. Sitting on the bed I stared at the card that was given to me and my cell phone. Midnight I told myself. Midnight.



I lived in simple phase of time; at least that’s what they told me. I only have vague memories of my past. They say I lived in 1153 BC but that’s kind of hard to believe, isn’t it?  Now it’s 2011, and I haven’t aged a bit. You see I’m not your normal girl, I don’t even know if I can be considered a girl, monster would be a better word.  You might be freaking out right now; I know I would if I were you. I just want to reassure you, I don’t want to hurt anyone, but that doesn’t mean I won’t.
 My name is Nami, and I live in the body of a 13 year old, and have the soul of one. I’m a nue, you probably won’t know what that is, and you’re better off that way. I have recently been awakened from an ice capsule. People say it’s a miracle that I’m still alive.  Truthfully all this is a little overwhelming.
 All I remember is that I lived in Japan, now I’m in this land that shouldn’t exist, speaking a language I’ve never learnt, how all this happened, I honestly don’t know. One moment I was at home wondering where my mother was, the next I was surrounded by odd looking people calling themselves the military.
 I can strongly recall the fear I felt when I first saw them, but what was even worse was when they took me and stuck needles with unusual liquids in hand. I was in complete shock and the people here didn’t help at all. I was isolated for most of the time. It was clear these people didn’t want to get anywhere near me, and once they had to they wore these extremely large baggy pieces of cloth. It was like they were afraid of something, at that time I didn’t know what, I was in true bliss.
 It’s funny I thought it was horrible then but what I have to live with now is way worse. I wish I could go back to that time where I knew nothing, when I didn’t even know what I was but unfortunately I can’t. Once you know the truth you can’t pretend to be ignorant anymore. Yes I hated it then, I was terrified out of my mind, but fear is nothing compared to what I have to live with now.  The one thing I’m glad of is that I haven’t regained my full memories yet, I will cherish these moments for I am sure they will come to haunt me pretty soon.  And once they do, I don’t know what will become of me.
 These people that call themselves Americans kept me hidden for some time. All that time, I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I was a lab rat to them, experiment after experiment that’s all I really remember. They didn’t even bother to ask me for my name, they would just call me ‘it’ and it hurt. I didn’t know I wasn’t human, nor did I have any suspicions otherwise. It all made no sense to me. No-one would interact with me, when I asked my questions they pretended they didn’t hear although I was using their tongue.
For a 13 year old that was a lot to take in. But as I said earlier I’m not a regular 13 year old anymore, they changed me, woke me up, and made me realize the world as what it really is. They showed me I wasn’t normal, nor will I ever be accepted as myself.  I have no place in this cruel world, yet I keep on living.
I understand that most of you won’t comprehend what I’m saying and that’s okay. You might find that I’m totally weird, join the club most humans, no not just humans, practically every being I’ve met has thought that of me, so you won’t be the only one. But if you’re willing to accept me, well you’ll be the first. I live to see that day, even though I’m quite sure it doesn’t exist. After all that’s happened to me, I still have hope that’s more than most people can say. So yeah in the long run I am sort of proud of myself and no one can take that away from me. It’s the only thing I have left.
I would cry every day, but they just thought my tears were amusing. You don’t know what it’s like to be surrounded by people but none of them acknowledging your existence. I’d see them every day, hear them speak to one another, live their lives happily, but when it came to me, well I was their toy, or at least that’s what it felt like. You don’t know what it’s like to be human but be treated otherwise.
 After about 6 or 7 months of my imprisonment, a guy wearing a military outfit that I had come to know came up to my transparent room.  He unlocked the door and entered just like that. I could have sworn I was dreaming, but unfortunately it was real. He actually came up to me and greeted me, then told me to follow him out. I was shocked out of mind at that point but still got up and did as I was told. I was taught to respect my elders no matter what. In retrospect I was older than him, but I really didn’t think of that then. He took me to this room with large mirrors that displayed their own images, were everywhere. I stared at them stunned; being frozen for a couple centuries does that to you. Anyway he showed me pictures of this hideous beast. It had the head of a monkey, body like a raccoon dog, legs as huge as a tigers, and worst of all a snake for a tail. A creature of such ugliness should have existed; it was a shame to the world. Then he told me that’s what I am.
 I was blown out of my mind. It couldn’t be true, I’m just a normal girl I thought, but for some reason I believed him, deep down I knew he wasn’t lying to me. It all made sense now; I was a monster that’s why they were treating me like one.  I’d said it about myself, how could I expect them to think any differently, so I don’t blame them.  He then told me that I’m the last of my kind, and that I have to stay preserved. No-one was allowed to know about this cause it was too dangerous. He thought I was his prize, from that day nobody has treated me as a human, instead I was materialized.  I instantly hated that man for telling me the truth and even more for him trying to protect me.  He then said that he was going to take me to some place safe. Some place where I could fit in. And I listened, I bought his words again.
 So here I am at this odd school that I barely know anything about. Everyone here still hates me but at least I’m living a normal life, well this is as normal as it gets for me. Every once  in awhile I still have to go for examinations.  I’m not aloud off of school ground, and I’m not even aloud to make real friends. It might be for the better, you see they told me they don’t know how long till I cease to exist.



Submitted: August 05, 2012

© Copyright 2022 animefreak77L. All rights reserved.


Add Your Comments:



THIS IS AWESOME!!!!!!! I Can't wait for the next chapters!! KMU please, :DD

Sun, August 5th, 2012 9:13pm


Actually, i was really glad i decided to read this when you asked me. :DD I love this type of story so, can't wait for thenext chapter :"""">

Sun, August 5th, 2012 9:21pm


Thaks a whole lot actually I'm not the only one that wrote it. It's a group project and hopefully the next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading and commenting.

Sun, August 5th, 2012 3:26pm

Secret World of Reality

This is so freakin AMAZING XD KMU please !!!

Sun, August 5th, 2012 11:49pm


Ok yay can't believe you guys like it so much. :)

Mon, August 6th, 2012 12:32am


This is really good and I look forward to reading more :) im curious to see where this story will go and by any chance does the lab stuff have anything to do with Maximum Ride??

Mon, August 6th, 2012 2:02am


Not really. It seems you love all the same books I do I want never more to come out even though I know I'm note gana be able to get it right away.

Mon, August 6th, 2012 12:34am


Ahaha, this is a very creative and unique idea. I love how you were able to give each character their own voice, really, this is great. *applause*

Tue, August 7th, 2012 1:34am


*bows* thanks a lot but again I'm not the only one who wrote it, it's a group thing. I'm glad you think it's unique and am really happy you like it :D

Tue, August 7th, 2012 1:22am


Wow, this is great. This is very, very well done. I really enjoyed reading it. KMU. XX Sigridlein

Tue, August 7th, 2012 6:09pm


Thanks lol I'm really really glad u liked it . :)

Tue, August 7th, 2012 11:42am

Silver May

Hi~ Anime!>,< I'm glad that I finally got around to your new project, and that you let me know about it. I do have a few concerns though. One: the thing is really long. That's understandable since your project seems to be like the POV we're doing together, but it's still really long. Two: it dosn't give your reader a foothole into the actual story. I get that all these people are having different experiences that will eventually get to the plot but still... I like having an idea about what's going on in the first chapter. But I guess we all have to try different introductions to get readers and I'm being too old fashioned. (On a more personal not: Vampires?! REALLY?) Otherwie this is a good intro and you seem to have an interesting multi-plane perspective thing goning. I wish u luck, and tell me when the next chapter comes out. (I might not like vampires but I do love reading my freind's work -.*)

Wed, August 8th, 2012 3:50am


Thanks a lot for reading this silver and to tell you the truth I thought it was really long long as well . Secondly this is a prologue that's why you don't really know anything about the story yet, spry if I forgot to write that at the beginning :P you are totally not old fashion lol I love vampires but unfortunately that's not my POV we are doing it differently then the peace war here each of us has 2 main characters so ya lol . And sure I'll keep you informed and again thanks for reading hopefully it'll grow into your taste the next couple of chapters. :)

Wed, August 8th, 2012 1:41am


Group Project Huh, You are really full of surprises, Impressed as always, oh I can predict the reply, it's like " no need to be surprised you should be the other way around :P " hmpf

Sun, August 12th, 2012 3:54pm


Lol not really what I was gana say but that would work too. Glad you like it I have another group project on yuyusuf's page but they are very different.

Sun, August 12th, 2012 10:56am


I like your writing style. Good luck!

Tue, August 14th, 2012 11:35am


Thanks lol sorry I didn't read a nothing of yours yet I've been kinda busy.

Tue, August 14th, 2012 4:55am


Will be glad if you do :).

Tue, August 14th, 2012 12:05pm


Oh my God.. this is amazing.. my writing seems to be a crap in front of what i have just read.. this is amazing.. really very amazing.. standing ovation for the writer...

Tue, August 14th, 2012 12:33pm


Wow thanks and it's not just me that's might be y its so awesome we have different writing styles so I guess that helps and I'm sure your writing isn't that bad.

Tue, August 14th, 2012 6:20am

Yume chan

hey there^^, sorry it took me so long but here I am now :). Have to say I love the beginning^^. You get the feeling of peace and love that's always been there and daily joy, but then suddenly everything changes. The ppl get caught off guard with the unexpected terror. You as the reader can see they didn't expect it just like we the reader don't. Good job! Mmm Lea speaking I kinda felt some words contradicted each other. One always around ppl, never being alone and the other is that the world such a great place to Lea, but then there is a sudden change of heart which contradicts what Lea said. Lea is afraid of being around people, it freaks Lea out and Lea scared of getting hurt. So then he can't say he loves being around friends and family and scared of being alone or say that the world is so great because Lea actually then scared of the world and Lea says its a corrupt world. Lea's perspective has two end which kinda isn't good. Lea also says that he (I guess) isn't afraid of anything, but he said many things he is. Lol but just my perspective, I tend to look in to deep^^. Out of all the ppls can say biography I liked Nami's most because it was layout very good and I got the whole package about Nami reading it. I just think u must let the reader know their gender^^. Also could put in more paragraphs. Okay so all the comments on the work done now the good news:p hehe jj but I did enjoy this very much and would love seeing what it turns into^^. You did very good and must keep me updated on the story. That is if you stil want me to comment^^

Wed, August 15th, 2012 1:53pm


Thanks a lot for the comment both characters you really looked into we're mine lol and they are both girls. In the next chapter you'll find out why lea contradicts herself I did that on purpose. And of course I'd love to have another one of your comments I love to know what people really think. :)

Wed, August 15th, 2012 7:47am


next chap plzz

Sun, August 19th, 2012 8:01pm


lol we are working on it :) since we are more then one person it might take awhile but ill be sure to tell you when we have it up.

Sun, August 19th, 2012 2:09pm


The prologue caught my eye and it seems like this is going to be a great story in the making. No need to rush art in the making :)

Mon, August 20th, 2012 2:56am


Thanks glad you understand and Im really happy you read it and like it :)

Mon, August 20th, 2012 1:36am

Future Author

This is a definite like from me. I am so glad that to asked me to read it. I didn't even feel like I was reading something from unknown authors. It felt like a book in my hands! Nicely done and keep me updated for so much more!

~future author

Wed, August 22nd, 2012 6:34am


Wow we are far from professionals, it's a great compliment for you to say that. Thanks a lot for taking the time to read it :)

Wed, August 22nd, 2012 12:32am


I have never come across such a unique and inventive way of writing. I really enjoyed this, and can't wait to read more. Keep me in the loop, won't you?

Luna x

Wed, August 22nd, 2012 11:43am


Sure thing and thanks for taking the time to read :)

Wed, August 22nd, 2012 4:44am


wow, I got lost in it, so good! KMU?!

Fri, August 24th, 2012 8:34pm


sure thing :) thanks for taking the time to read.

Fri, August 24th, 2012 1:39pm


This was great! I loved the prologue, but this? This was something else, truly. Please keep me in the loop.

Luna x

Tue, August 28th, 2012 11:04pm


I'm so psyched u think that and of course I'll tell u when anything comes out. :D

Wed, August 29th, 2012 2:03am

Scarlett Rae

I decided to start commenting people from “The Booksie Circle” group. I just joined Facebook as my usual alias, Erynn Louviaite, but this is the Booksie account I write from. Anyway…

Besides the formatting in the first part, this was nicely written. I have something nit-picky about dialogue though. When you have a second string of dialogue from the same person, you usually begin a new sentence as with the following:

…pretty little voice teasing. “You have two…

The “Lea” section was certainly a change of pace. That last little paragraph was strange though, the message and the grammar. I would suggest “You’re never going to believe this: we are all…”

Zane’s background is sad, but at least that section, like Lea and Kirstyn, is paragraphed. Another dialogue thing is that you can end with a period if you’re not going to write and variation of “he said”. For example:

…that’ll be two twenty five.” I waited…

“Nami” is back to no paragraphs and is really going on character overload for a single chapter. My other issue with this section is how conversational it is. That always annoys me, but that’s a writer’s preference.

I’ll hopefully be back to read more, but in the meantime I invite you to my page. My main focus is “Samantha” but I have an erotic novel, “Never Alone” posted too!

Thu, August 30th, 2012 2:33am


Thanks for reading and giving some advice I'll try to dial down on the dialogue and I'll try to pay more attention to my grammar. I'll take everything you said into consideration while writing the next chapter n sure I'll go to read your novel :)

Thu, August 30th, 2012 1:44am


yes yes yes. your a perfect fit for the first author of the week ;) first off, im really liking the multiple perspectives. in fact, if i ever finish my first book ive decided to make the next one with multiple perspectives. secondly, i love the vibe and the concept itself. a story like this is perfect for plot twist and first person is always awesome because you know exactly how they all feel. i especially like kristyn (i dont think i spelt that right) and nami. i liked kristyn because i sensed some sort of romantic intent with that boy that walked in, and as long as the romance isnt too chessy im all for that, plus shes going to be a spy for the school, she will probably be the center of trouble. thats just a prediction, and nami!!!!!!!! she is the character that you get emotion from i mean, i was feeling bad for her by the time i was done reading, and when a book or character can do that to you its special. anyways, bottom line, my favorite part about this is the multiple perspectives, and the vibe that " somethings going to happen to all these characters, and they all have there own goals and beliefs " and hopefully their fates enter weave with each other. and lastly the concept of a school for supernatural ppl, its my kinda story, and i am sorta picky with what i enjoy reading but i really think you got something here, and i will gladly support you making this thing grow into an awesome sauce novel. the only things i didnt like was lea. i sorta was confused as to what was going on with her, im sure it will all work out later but it was just a thought, she seemed the least interesting in my opinion at least, probably because i wasnt really sure what her who deal was. and that seems to really be the only thing i wasnt feeling. your way better at grammar than me and i didnt see any mistakes. sorry for such a long comment, but this thing caught my attention, especially nami, she is very easy to sympathize over, i just want to see if she turns out ok and loses the negative attitude she has. i feel bad for her. nice first chapter. off to the next one

Fri, August 31st, 2012 4:32am


Wow I love getting these long comments as well do and thanks a lot for raiding this :) I know lea issotaconfusing but it's the first time I write about a charector like her so I'm still knew at it. If u guys are empathetic with nami then I got her right. Ya I always feel writing in first person is best and you'll just have to see what happens.

Fri, August 31st, 2012 2:24am

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