Stay With Me

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 14 (v.1) - Chapter 14-

Submitted: November 08, 2019

Reads: 1

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Submitted: November 08, 2019

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Chapter 14-

Grief Counselling -Tuesday 2nd May, 2019- 10.25am 

I sit in the waiting room beside Keith waiting for my appointment. Lately i've been managing to find the strength in me to wear normal clothes, i've been making more of an effort and i feel happy. Me and mum has started to get along again to my surprise, apparantly i just needed to snap at her for her to realise the amount of hurt i was in.  I decided to wear my favourite colour as of late black. Black high waist jeans and an off the shoulder white and black along with black boots on my feet. 

"How long have you been coming here?" I asks Keith as we haven't really spoke much about counselling since we started talking. In fact it was kind of like a conversation that we avoided, neither of us wanting to talk about it. 

"Three years" he answers me and he looks up at me and i can see the curiosity in his eyes. 

"That's a long time" I point out surprised that he is still coming here and it gets me thinking what if i end up spending the rest of my life here. What if i can't get over the loss of Lowell or get over not getting my memories back. 

"You've been coming here for what  a month and a half now. Do you feel like you are making any progress?" He questions me and i look at him and shrug my shoulders. 

"Maybe. When i woke up i was terrified because i didn't know a thing. Yeah i knew words but i had retrain my brain on how to go the bathroom, my brothers had to teach me how to tie my shoe laces. There was some words i had to learn all over again some as simple as a table or a spoon. Now i feel like i've adapted to it a bit better than what i did, me and my family are able to talk to each other like normal human beings. As for Lowell i'm not over his death and i don't think i ever will be." I confess to him and yeah part of me does feel better. I mean look at me i look better but theres still parts of me that doesn't. 

"People would think it would be easy. You could make a new life for yourself but what i have seen you go through, it made me realise it's not actually that easy. 

"As a teenager i used to want to forgot so much stuff that happened. I used to block out something embrassing that happened or one night stands i used to have and i toke it all for granted" I tell him looking back at things. "I probably toke having Lowell around for granted as well and it hurts"

"When was the first time you realised you loved him?" I hear him ask me and i look at him still having no idea, yeah i was getting little hints of Lowell here and there but nothing as big as remembering when i loved him. 

"I don't know" I inform him and i look down at the ground.

"Maybe you wrote about it" He suggests to me and i look up at him having forgot all about it. 

"Maybe i did, I will have to look when i go home" I nod my head and when i think about it i remember there being letters there in my writing. I hear the door creak open and i know it's Dr Andrews ready for my appointment. 

"Maisie i'm ready for you" He calls out to me and i pick my bag up off the floor and i hold it in my hand. 

"See you later" I tell Keith and i give him a hug before standing up and making my way over to Dr Andrews Office. 

"See you around kid" Keith beams a smile at me. 

"Hello Dr Andrews" I greet him feeling quite happy with myself today. 

"You seem very cheery today" He points out to me as i take a seat on a seat closer to him not feeling as reluctant to talk to him anymore. 

"I feel good. I woke up this morning and i felt refreshed. My family not riding my back all the time has been doing me wonders" I ackowledge the sudden change in me and i can see how impressed he is with me and my progress. 

" I have waited a long time to hear that" He shares with me and i slowly nod my head at him 

"I know you have" I say to him and i take a deep breath in "I can't promise i will be having the same feeling this time tomorrow"

"Like i have always said to you, take one day at a time and you will eventually get to the place you want to be" He reminds me and i hold my two hands together actually listening to what he has to say rather than blocking him out like i do to some other people when i feel like it's getting too much. 

"I'm being told things about my past and it's like it's starting to come together in my mind. I may not be able to come up with the memory but when some one tells me about it i can close my eyes and picture it." I open up to him 

"Have you considered talking to your childhood friends and see what they say. They could help you in places your family can't" He mentions to me and my mind turn to Noah and what he told me at the bar. Even though i was quite drunk it stuck with me. 

"I was actually out with Brooke on the 24th and i bumped into my childhood best friend Noah. He spoke to me and told me things i didn't know about. He did tell me that he we were once a thing but we both moved on" I inform him of what happened at the night out. 

"Have you got in touch with him since?" He questions me and i sigh 

"No. I think it was maybe afraid too, He hut me with a lot of stuff that night. I want to talk to him but hearing that we stopped being friends because he told me he loved me and i walked away it hurts. It makes me wonder why i did that? Why did i not go for him? and what did he mean by he hurt me as we were teenagers? When it comes to him and that whole side of my life i'm afraid to comfront it. To open that door. " I express my feelings to him and i look down at the ground. 

"I believe you should give him a chance, even just to tell you about what you were like in school. Get him to hook up some of your old friends and see what they all say. You have to work on it like you have been with your family and yes you don't have your memories back but you can see it in your mind and you believe it. It feels right inside of you and for now that's good progress" He Instructs me and i decide to listen to what he has to say. As much as i am scared to put myself out there i need to do it.

After counselling i headed home ehrtr i pulled out the box of letter between me and Lowell. I kick my trainers into the wardrobe and head down stairs. I make my way to the dining room and sit down at the table, i open the lid box and put it down. I put my hand inside and i take out a letter to Lowell from me. 

"To My Dearest Lowell 1st November 2015

Oh Lowell you get yourself into so much trouble don't you. Last night was our second Halloween together and as you know Halloween is a big thing for me and you. Last year you decided to dress up as a pirate and you walked around with a parrot on your shoulder your whole night. You kept losiig that damn bird and you broke down at one point because you thought you lost him. I sat down with you and that was when you told me that your grandpa gave it to you and you wanted to give it to your child one day. I hunted that house top to foot and i found that damn bird hidden in a cupboard and i tied him to my arm so i didn't lost him. That was the moment i realised i loved you because your compassion for a stuffed teddy it was adorable. I loved that you wanted to give the parrot to your child it brought a tear to my eye and you know that. I loved how caring you were and how much you loved me and to start with i was afraid to love you but when we got home that night i put Benny in our little box as a keep safe. After wards i told you i loved you and you have never toke off Angel costume so quick in your life. Then yesterday we went to our annual halloween party and i dressed as a witch and you were my hunter it was totally coincidental but i had such a good time. It's like Halloween is the one time we get to break free from our work and get to relax and boy did we have fun. There is so much things i love about you and the more i spend with you the more that love grows. I could really see myself growing old with you. I really believe you are going to give our child that parrot and i can't wait for that day. Yeah we have our arguements and we can both be quite stubborn some times but that's what love is about. You fight and you make up. I can't wait to see what the year 2016 has ahead of us. I love you Lowell with all my heart and it really does scare me to admit that. 

Forever With Love Maisie xx"

I fold the letter and put it back in the envelope, i carefully slide it back into the box. I pull over a note book and pen and sit with it in front of me trying to figure out what to write. I want to write to him, i want to express my feelings the way i did there but i don't know if i can. I don't know if i have it in me to say what i want too. 


© Copyright 2019 AnnieBirnie. All rights reserved.

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