We it's about two ol' clock in the morning, in denver, and I am probably the only person wide awake in my apartment complex who is currently watching a Seether DVD extra from their Second album Disclaimer II. How bizarre would it be if someone else in the world was up at this hour doing the same thing?
Today was a pretty slow day at work, which is great because it leaves me time, in between customers, to think about my life and how lost i feel in a new city, new state, and surrounded by new people. With only three months behind me from the last miserable job i left somehow i managed to find some ass hole who is (for the lack of describing words) F**king gorgeous. Every time I see this guy my heart melts, because we barely know each other out side of this job but somehow i feel like we are soul mates and one day one of us will stop playing pussy and talk to each other. That's an whole other story. This is a new emotion for me because if you could see my dating history.... I must be the most picky person in the universe. One day I will like a guy and next thing I know , we have one conversation and I'm not interested at all.
With my last boyfriend I thought i was in love for a moment, but even then this odd feeling of total dissolving into some supernatural world never happen. It's only with this person but let me get to the point. While this footage of their gig is playing I got hooked on this one song called "Sympathetic" Comes on. Previously to having this album in my bare hands, I had heard this entire album from a mixtape without any writing on the cover besides "Seether".
I couldn't make out what he was saying at first (he has a thick accent) but he is in this Kurt Cobain Pose with a red light shining on him from the ceiling. From what I heard and what he said could be two different things but according to google he said
"And I’m sympathetic,
never letting on I feel the way I do
As I’m falling apart again at the seam
And it seems I’m alone here, hollow again
As I’m flailing again against the wind
And the scars I am left with swallow again
As I’m failing again now, never to change this"
Again i recognize some parts of this but my hearing is very distorted..... anywho it was amazing to me that i could connect to this song the same way i had when i had listened to it on that mix tape. It was exactly the same feeling of "feeling my heart skip a beat" like I feel every time Danny comes around. Some how when i hear a song, even if i had listen to it everyday that moment of pure ecstasy and completion washes me clean as if any battle I'm facing at the moment is only a distant reality. After this song I can finally see the horizon.
How is it possible there is a song out there for every emotion a human being could be feeling at the moment?
It only had occured to me in this moment about the true psycology of music... I am going to make up a word for this... lets call it musicology: the way music atlers the brain.
Sometimes a song could fill in for the the thing I am mising in my life. Like the joke Katt williams told awhile ago about this rap artist named Drake. "Drake's music have you missing people you don't even know." There maybe a word out there for it.. idk and to be honest I don't care.
About three days ago I watched this breif Taylor Swift E! true hollywood story on television that talked about how she got into music. After this thing had came on televison I finally realized how "altered" this story was. I thought about how they would make things seem like she has this innocent jounrey into music. Which is total crap.. Some how she just could visualize someones point of veiw and make a song about it. Then she could write about how all these guys had screwed her over, or how she felt unrecognized by a ton of guys she had a crush on. I don't know if that part is true because i don't know her life. However "the things musicans would say, or do" to ither keep themseleves in a certain light or keep from being sued.
But nevermind all that.. My only goal in this ( whatever its called) is just to share how a shallow sheltered quiet child was able to switch her enitre prospective towards music. And if it's meant to be maybe one day she could write music for all the souls out their in need of a savior.. This is how music saved my life. feel free to comment or start other stories to discuss on how it's done the same for you
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