March 18, 2012
Ok so being a girl isn't all that easy. It takes skill. And to tell you the truth I didn't have skill. I was more cut out to be a tom boy. For 1) i dressed like one, 2) I looked like one
and 3) everyone hired a guy rather than a girl. Can we say sexiest. To me it was just me being me. But inside I knew I wanted to be all girly but had a tough life. I had to toughen up or starve
to death. My father had died. Or that's what we said instead of saying "left us". We decided that it hurt less. My mother went into depression for about 5 months. She would eat nor talk to us.
She would lock herself in her room all day. I was only 12 when this happened. My sister was 9.
Now Im turning 15. Just a few more months. I can drop out of school next year and find a full time job. My mom is doing a little better but we still dont have enough money to pay the bills.
I have lost all girlyness in me and act as if I were a guy. I know what your thinking. "I rather die of starvation then act like a guy." Well to tell you the truth..... I have no reason to
dress up nicely. We cant afford new cloths. My mom has to take 5 jobs. I take night time shifts. But with school in the way, I have to leave work early.
I'm half Mexican and half American. My mom is Mexican. And you know where I'm American from so I wont say it. You know how people say not to dwell in the past. Well its easier said then
done. Sometimes I wake up expecting my dad to be waiting downstairs for me. I had lost all emotion when my mom had went into depression. So I toughened up. I never broke down. I never let a
single tear role down my cheek. I had to take care of my family when he "died." I hated seeing my mom and sister crying. My mom would try to blink the tears away but when one escaped her
beautiful brown eyes she couldn't stop there rest from coming down.
I promised to myself that night that I would do whatever it took to keep the rest of my family alive and together. Many 12 year old girls would have to worry about school or boy problems.
But not me. I had to find a job. I had to keep my family together. Even if it meant that I would have to let go of all my girly ness.
Now with me turning 15 I have more responsibilities. I'm in charge of the whole house. I do the taxes and income. Me and my mom work. My sister goes to school. We decided that she should at
least try to receive a better future. I still go to school but I get out early. Yesterday when I was at work.(I work at a bar. Yeah, it sucks but at least I get payed.)These guys(more like
jerks) thought I was "hitting" on their girls. (Just to make sure you know. I ain't lesbian. I like guys.) They started to punch me. (Good thing I learned self defense and I was the best
fighter of my class. Not to brag or anything.) I ended up losing my job. But at least i had KO'ed those jerks.
The jerks were good enough not to put a police report. It kind of surprised me. But o well. Now I'm trying to find a new job. Well I guess this is bye. The only reason I'm keeping this
diary is because it helps lessen the pressure.
"Natalia, can you come here?" "Mom, I have to go work." I hadn't told her that I lost my job. She had 5 jobs already and I did'nt want to put more wood in the fire.
**A/N this is just something that came to mind. Im not sure if I will finish it. My other novels are being on hold. They arent what I expected so I will try to re write them.**
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