Chapter 1: Surrounded

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 624
Comments: 1

Chapter 1 Surrounded \"If Naru goes with you, than Aria must stay with us\" says Samuel.  \"Youv'e got a deal\" replies Suian. \"Come Naru\" orders Suian as he nods to one of his guards who has an arrow to Aria's throat. \"Bring her\" orders Suian as the guards follows him. \"HEY!!\" says Samuel. \"YOU SELFISH LIER\" says Cortez. \"Sir, what about Cortez?\" a guard asks. \"Kill him\" replies Suian. Cortez's arm gets loose and he elbows a guard in the face. He picks up his weapon and kills the guard that is holding down Samuel. In an effortless attempt, Samuel takes out his weapon and they both point theirs at Suian. \"Impressive, but I think I'll still be taking these two\" says Suian. Naru carefully takes off his shoe on his right foot without using his hands and kicks it up to distract the guards. Naru shoves the guards out of the way and picks up his weapon and kills the guard who is walking with Aria. Now the four of them are surrounding Suian. \"Don't be rediculous\" says Suian. Naru charges first as Suian very quickly, takes out his weapon and blocks his attack. Naru takes out a dagger and throws it aimed at Suian's forehead but dodges it and walks towards Naru. Suian charges towards Naru and almost slits his throat. Naru dodges and starts attacking Suian. Aria hides in a tunnel. Cortez heads straight for Suian but Suian blocks it. Samuel goes for an airstrike while Cortez goes behind him. Naru charges as Suian tries to block Samuel's attack and stabbs Suian with his sword through his hand. \"AHH!!\" yells Suian painfully. \"YOUR DONE\" yells Naru. Suian looks at Naru in disgust. \"YOU PATHETIC SWINE, YOU WILL PAY\" says Suain. \"Isn't it funny how I was making threats to you earlier, I guess now the tables have turned\" says Naru as he points his sword towards Suian. \"STOP\" says a guard. \"Huh?\" says Samuel. \"Hands behind your head\" says the guard as many other guards surround them. Everyone puts thier hands behind thier head. \"Naru, did you really think I would come hear with only ten guards?\" Suian asks. \"Do any of you realize what you are doing?\" Naru asks as he stares at all the guards. \"Your helping a killer succeed so he can continue to kill even more people. This man right here is responsible for the killing of your tribes and here you are helping him. If Suian is who you all really think he is then answer me this, why wouldn't someone who owns so much land from taking it from other tribes, give you some of it to thank you. Why would someone who has killed so many innocent people try the best he can to look like a good person. Suain is not a real chief, he is a fake chief who only wishes he was a real one, so he forces people from other real tribes to join his fake one and kills the ones who try to revolt, so he can look like a real chief and Suain does not care about anyone who works for him, as long as he gets what he wants he wont kill you. Don't you see, Suain is only using you, all of you, to get what he wants because that's all he's done his entire life\" says Naru. \"He's got a point\" says the guard who has his arrow pointed at Samuel's throat. \"Youv'e got to be kidding me, don't listen to him, just look at him he's a lier\" says Suian. \"You\" Naru says as he points at the guard holding down Cortez. \"Judging by your skin color, your a wistarian, am I correct?\" Naru asks. \"Yes\" replies the guard. \"And what happened to them?\" Naru asks. \"824 of them were killed and Suain only left 22 of us alive. When he invaded our territory, he told us that if we followed his tribe, he would let us live and would help us achieve immortality\" says the guard. \"But did Suain ever tell you how?\" Naru asks. \"No\" answeres the guard. \"and did Suain tell you he would kill your children whether they would follow him with you or not? Naru asks. \"No\" the guard answers as he begins sobbing. \"This is your perfect example. Suian has cheated every single one of you\" says Naru. \"Enough of this, kill Cortez and take the prisoners back\" Suian orders but all of the guards do nothing. \"Did you hear me? I said kill Cortez and move on\" says Suian. \"DAMMIT DO AS I SAY\" Suain yells. \"MOVE IN\" yells a guard as they all move in on Suian and hold him down. \"Get off of me, GET OFF OF ME!!\" Suain yells as the guards who are holding down Aria, Samuel and Cortez drop thier weapons and hold Suain down to keep him from moving. Cortez finds a thick strong root and ties Suian's hands behind his back. \"LET GO OF ME YOU WEAKLINGS\" Suian yells. \"What now?\" Samuel asks. \"I'm not sure, but I guess we'll find out soon\" says Naru.

Submitted: May 18, 2011

© Copyright 2021 Austin Converse. All rights reserved.


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Kossettes Novellettes

Well I will say from reading the first few chapters of the first Chrysalis installment the stories were a work in progress and the story does have the potential to be a fairly creative and imaginative story however for both installments it seems as though they were a bit of a rushed work. Having read the preview of FLINT I was curious about the rest of your writing and you have a wonderful mind I can tell but it seems as though the focus might have been more on publishing the work rather than the presentation of the story through the words. The dialougue runs into the large block of a paragraph that is the story and the first Chrysalis was more a King james type bible read. I can see you're growing however reading more recent works and it makes me a bit more excited about FLINT just see how you've matured in your style.
KMU Please for any new works




Mon, November 2nd, 2015 4:22pm


Well thank you very much for the comment. This is the last thing I expected to ever get a comment on lol. The reason why this is so poorly written, is because it was one of the first things novel-wise that I had ever written before and I was only like 15 when I wrote it. It was just something that came to my imagination and I decided to write about it, that's it. Didn't plan ahead for anything or none of that. I just wrote it because I felt like it and I didn't really care that much at the time for grammatical accuracy or dialog formats. That's why this is written the way it is. I typed it out on my ipad lol. If you have the time, I really recommend my newer novel Revelance over this. Maybe someday I will come back to this and rewrite it once I have a better idea of where the concept should lead to, but for now, the book I am currently writing is called Revelance and you can find it under my featured section on my profile. Just to give you a heads up, that book isn't flawless either. The beginning is still a bit rocky here and there, but it's because I started writing it right after I stopped writing this, so it does still have its flaws, however, the further you read into it, the more it improves as I myself have improved over time which even you have pointed out to me. This novel was rushed, but Revelance is the complete opposite of rushed. I've been writing it for over 4 years and I'm still only working on the 14th chapter. Thank you so much for your helpful feedback and I will make sure to read more of your work soon :)

Mon, November 2nd, 2015 10:09pm

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