A lover's agony

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

While the time a lover appreciates the beauty of love he can’t scurry away from the deep unrest and anxiety he has buried deep inside him and all he feels is the agony....

We have lived bewraying and muttering,
lending hands and ear for everything
I whisper a word in her ear
the world rejoices with the smile that appears.
I know it when she is annoyed,
I know it when her heart is crying,
she might fool the world but
I know when the god's not in the shrine.

We long for each other to sing,
a song or a melody
so that in the way one could join
and make the moment worth a while.
She talks like a stereo,
but when done, i feel like losing her.
when she shows her back and walks away
i feel the sun raining its tears away.

Beside me she sits,
and then we have nothing to say
no words to console the heart that’s agog
so i let the silence talk.

Then to feel her presence and warmth
resting my hands in her arms,
we walk in the twilight with the sky,
showering its calmness with no lovelorn around.
But when it’s time to bid goodbye
i wish the sand could stay
to have her next to me,
content my life’s in the right place.

She is around, i m alive.
she’s not, i live on memories
but then i feel i own her
not seeing her makes me devoid
of my breath and love of life.

I hate and love, you ask perhaps
how that can be
well i know not
i just feel the agony…


Submitted: June 23, 2012

© Copyright 2021 Awaneesh Shukla. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Murnit

I agree with the title: agony and I feel your torment come through. Nice write
M x

Sat, June 23rd, 2012 8:25pm

Author
Reply

thanks murnit!

Sat, June 23rd, 2012 9:07pm

Mike Stevens

Grade A!

Sun, June 24th, 2012 12:25am

Author
Reply

thanks mikey, i would love to give you some more grade a stuff !!

Sat, June 23rd, 2012 9:11pm

brucek

i'm going to reserve my comments (good and bad) until you've gone back over this in detail to fix the typos. especially the first stanza, in which i'm not sure what you're trying to say because of them. i'm okay with them in prose, but not in poetry, where every tiny detail is important. sorry to be harsh.

Sun, June 24th, 2012 8:29am

Author
Reply

sorry for the typos, i have fixed them, you mat read it now..

Sun, June 24th, 2012 8:51pm

brucek

you've a bigger vocabulary than me. that's the first time i've run into "bewraying". had to look it up. this really does show your love for her, and your pain when you're apart. more of a prose/poem i guess. but i did feel your emotions.

Mon, June 25th, 2012 4:11am

Author
Reply

thanks brucek! and common you are my forefather in vocabulary! glad you liked it..

Sun, June 24th, 2012 9:17pm

Insane Membrane

I am so not romantic , but could feel your pain so well done

Mon, June 25th, 2012 10:23am

Author
Reply

haha! thanks I.M. !

Mon, June 25th, 2012 3:26am

dibbledabble

Stunning, such a depth of emotional clarity. A truely beautiful poem. you should be proud of this creation and your humanity.

Just lovely. Dare I say Shakespearean.

Peace and contentment always

Dibs

Mon, June 25th, 2012 8:49pm

Author
Reply

thanks again! i ain't so great i guess, still trying to give my best in every write up i come up with because it got to give the readers the pleasure of reading. :-)

Mon, June 25th, 2012 7:54pm

Irwinagain

Interesting work. I believe the language could benefit from a little more care but then the creativity may be hindered and that would be a shame. Lovely poem.

Tue, June 26th, 2012 2:49pm

Author
Reply

agreed! thanks for reading

Tue, June 26th, 2012 9:20am

Wilbur

Familiar - this yes-no push-pull come hither-go away.
Yes, watch your word choices. When you are lyrical - and what I've read of yours seems to speak in that rhythm, that tone - in that way. So, to illustrate, maybe 'a heart opened wide' rather than 'agog', and 'talks endlessly' rather than 'like a stereo' (because also I didn't really understand what you meant by using that word) and perhaps 'empty' rather than devoid. Words that will slide readers along in the dance you are leading so that they do not find themselves suddenly out of step... I loved the line about knowing when the God's not in the shrine - that's a lovely line. And the sun raining - also a well-wrought visual. Be careful to mean what you say or rather to say what you mean! Check to be sure.

Kindest regards, Connie

Thu, June 28th, 2012 3:32am

Author
Reply

all you said will be taken care of, thanks for reading and your valuable comment

Thu, June 28th, 2012 5:44am

Ellen Michelle

Great poem, I like your writing style =]

Thu, June 28th, 2012 9:51pm

Author
Reply

thanks ellen, nice to know that :-)

Fri, June 29th, 2012 8:32am

Gothikah666

Very good vent of emotions, I could tell you really do care for her. I agree with a lot of peoples comments concerning your poem and I did enjoy reading it. Keep at it -Gothikah666

Fri, June 29th, 2012 6:36pm

Author
Reply

glad you liked it . thanks :)

Fri, June 29th, 2012 12:16pm

Audrey Wilson

Nice, I thought it was a good read :]

Sun, July 1st, 2012 5:49pm

Author
Reply

u thought?? aaa thanks :)

Sun, July 1st, 2012 11:10am

GuiltyPleasure

Liked specially the part where you say,

"She talks like a stereo
but when done, i feel like losing her."

How sweetly said and rings true!!!

Tue, July 3rd, 2012 11:00am

Author
Reply

thanks :). glad you read and commented

Tue, July 3rd, 2012 4:31am

Aaron Pulis

Great work, Love can be frustrating and this really puts some good words to it, definitely fanning you :)

Tue, July 3rd, 2012 7:47pm

Author
Reply

thanks

Tue, July 3rd, 2012 6:22pm

immortal

This is very good :)

Wed, July 4th, 2012 3:37pm

Author
Reply

thnks

Wed, July 4th, 2012 10:19am

L L Hope

I love it! You rock! :D

Thu, July 5th, 2012 4:02am

Author
Reply

thank you hope, be back to read more.

Wed, July 4th, 2012 10:44pm

Keekee1996

I love it. Your very good :)

Thu, July 5th, 2012 4:15am

Author
Reply

thanks keekee :)

Wed, July 4th, 2012 10:38pm

attanasio

I share some of my old friends thoughts here. The lower case I's and choice of words was sometimes making the read seem awkward.

However, the emotions and feel were excellent. Connie pointed out some of your best lines and Dibs was right on with his comment as well. You have the heart of a poet and thats the most important part. Watch grammar and choice of words to tell the story you have inside you. Very nice to see a talanted person putting their thoughts down.

My suggestion is write it and let it set a while then re-read as a stranger and see if any of it needs changeing to be clear and convey your message.

Fri, July 6th, 2012 11:29am

Author
Reply

point well taken , thanks for reading. i will inform you when i come up with a new poem, your comment will be awaited and appreciated. thnks again :)

Fri, July 6th, 2012 8:55am

throb25

Love and hate. Happiness and dispear. Complete yet lonely. This has all these emotions wrapped into one. It shows the shy, young love that is still developing. Good read.. Keep it up.

Sat, July 7th, 2012 5:20pm

Author
Reply

you got exactly what this poem is about, thanks for reading dawn! . glad you liked it :)

Sat, July 7th, 2012 10:37am

moonphish

a complex and intimate relationship expressed in a lovely fashion....very eloquent in scope....

Sun, July 8th, 2012 3:42am

Author
Reply

thanks moonphish! evry glad you liked it..

Sun, July 8th, 2012 3:13am

LilLoCksea

Wow,no that is a beautiful poem..If only more people would love the way you love her...maybe then this world would become of a happier place...=]*
I really loved it you have a breathtaking talent!
L.Koekemoer

Sun, July 8th, 2012 11:10am

Author
Reply

thanks for the nice comment l.! :)

Sun, July 8th, 2012 7:53am

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