More Than Bandmates

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 28 (v.1) - Ashley's POV

Submitted: November 08, 2013

Reads: 140

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Submitted: November 08, 2013



It had been three days. I haven't seen Andy since this whole thing started. We barely talk when we do see each other. Just a little glance, then we look away. We were parked at a truckstop in Houston Texas. We had our first show tonight and everyone was stoked, except for Andy and me. We faked smiles and we faked being in love for those around us, but we could both feel it. The drifting. This whole thing with Johnny has put me off of being touched by him, and whenever I do want a hug or a small kiss, I can't help but think about how hurt he would be if he found out what I'd done.
And even if I wanted to look into his eyes, which were once beautiful to me, are now associated with pain. A certain kind of pain that I don't want to relive. The blond man had made me disgusted by the one thing that was supposed to be beautiful to me forever and that was the crystal eyes of Andy Biersack. Things that used to bring me comfort and joy, not remind of the things that I've done and now bring me fear and sorrow.
I had already gone to Johnny today, Andy was gone, off to do something off the bus. I sat in the back room, three empty bottles of Jack, and five more waiting, sitting in the brown paper bag next to me. Jake had come to visit me a couple of times today, but he didn't stay long. He just let me cry on his shoulder.
There was a soft knock on the door. "Ashley. Can I come in?" It was Andy. His voice soft, tear filled.
"I-I guess so." I reached up from my spot on the floor, next to the door and unlocked it. Andy opened the door, walked in slowly, turned closed and locked it. He sat next to me, and just sat there. Neither of us said anything, just sat in the awkwardness of this silence.
"Ashley. I... I need to talk to you." This can't be good.
"I actually have to talk to you too." I didn't want to talk to him about this, but it's been crossing my mind a lot, and if looking at him is making me feel this way, and this choice is the only way out of this, then it must be done. "You first though." He reached for the bottle that I had in my hand. I handed it over, what he wants to say must be a little stressful, and it's better if he were drunk. Makes the words flow easier.
He took a full five second swig then handed me the bottle back. I copied what he did, then sat it down in front of us. Andy looked at me, I avoided his eyes and just tried to look at anything but his face.
"There is something wrong. With our relationship I mean." He started off.
"We can fix it." I mumbled.
"I don't think we can Ash..." He glanced over at me. "We're both broken."
"We can fix each other." I looked at him.
"No Ash. We can't fix each other. I've got so much happening right now, and I can't focus on that and trying to fix you. I know you've got something happening to you too, I don't know what it is, but it's causing us to drift apart." He choked up. I took a chance and looked at Andy. That spark that was our relationship isn't there anymore. His eyes are tearing up, and honestly, I didn't feel anything, I couldn't feel anything. Not with his eyes reminding me of Johnny.
"What do you suppose we do?" I asked looking away.
"Ash, I love you. I always will, but I..." He stopped and pulled his knees into him, burying his face. "I can't do this anymore." He sobbed. I pulled him into me.
"Baby, it'll be OK. We can make it through this." I tried to comfort him, but I couldn't do this anymore either. The constant pressure of everyone expecting us to be the perfect couple, the having to comfort Andy every time he's upset, the fan girls, and then Johnny adding in all of this shit to top it off. I was tired of all of this. The only thing I wanted was to love Andy with all I can without the tears and pain. I kissed him on top of his head, but he pushed me away.
"Stop doing that! I can't keep this up anymore. If you kiss me, then what I have to say will be a million times harder." He complained. I pulled him into me and kissed him on the lips. We had contact for all but two seconds, before I let him go. It wasn't there. The fire, the spark, it was gone.
"I'm sorry Andy, but I can't keep this up either." I sighed. He wiped his mouth and looked at me.
"So you know what we have to do right?" He whispered standing up.
"Please don't leave me..." I grabbed his leg.
"I'm sorry Ashley, but this isn't working out anymore." He tried to pull his leg from my grip.
"But what about the promise?" I stood up and looked at him. "We promised that we would stay together no matter what happened."
"That was for the band Ashley. The band is different from what we have." I couldn't listen to what he was saying anymore. Having this conversation was a bad idea. My world was falling apart in front of me and I couldn't control it.
"No Andy. Please, don't leave me. I love you."
"I love you too Ashley, but I can't do this. I've hurt you way too much to see you suffer. I'm sorry, but we're over and that's that." He pushed me out of the way and stormed out of the room.
"Andy, please don't go." I chased after him, grabbing his arm right before he left the bunk room. I pulled him into me. "We can work this out. I know we can. Baby, you're my whole world, I don't have anything if I don't have you. I'm nothing without you."
"Ashley stop it! You're making this harder on me. I have to leave you. It's for the best, for the both of us." He tried to pull me off of him, but I refused to let go. "Ash..." Andy wrapped his arms around me. "Ashley, just remember that I'll always love you. Maybe one day we can get back together, but right now, we aren't working out. I'm sorry." He kissed me on the cheek, let me go and closed the door the behind him.
As soon as I heard the click of the door, I fell to my knees and cried. I was never one for crying, but not being able to hold Andy at night anymore was too much for me. How was I gonna play the show tonight when I had to be around Andy? I couldn't.
I crawled back to the back room and locked the door. I would refuse to play, then maybe he'll come back to me. After all, the band is important to him. More important than me... I grabbed the bottle of Jack that was opened, but sat it down instead of drinking it. His lips touched it, he drank out of it, I didn't want to disturb it. I opened a new bottle and downed it all, feeling the burn as it trickled down my throat.
I deserved this. Being another man's sex slave in order to save a relationship will never work. I should have just talked to Andy about this. I should have just walked away and told Andy as soon as Johnny approached me, but I didn't. I panicked and made the wrong turn.
I fell to the floor, feeling completely numb. I wanted to break up with Andy for a second there, but then I realized, I really am nothing without him. When I get home, we have to move him out of the apartment, I'll have to say goodbye to my baby forever. I don't want to let him go. He's mine. I let out a few more desperate sobs.
"Andy! I still love you! Please, come back to me..." I said out loud. I needed him to come back to me. I laid there, on the floor, waiting for the moment for Andy to walk the door and say he was wrong and take me back, but it never came. The bus started moving again, we were on our way to the venue, and Andy never came to the back room.
I pulled out my cell phone and went to twitter. Nothing new from him.

AshleyPurdy: I guess it just wasn't meant to be, but baby I will always love you... ;-;

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