I removed the joint from my lips and held the smoke in my mouth for a few seconds. I then exhaled letting the smoke escape from its chamber. I watched it rise into the air and evaporate. I lifted up my hand hoping that it would take me along, but I knew that it wasn’t possible. I sighed flicking the stub away and placed my hands behind my head. I closed my eyes hoping I could get a small nap before lunch ended. I then heard laughter and my eyes wandered to the bleachers at the edge of the football field. He was there.
Kevin Killua, a Senior, in my grade but a year younger then me. Super popular and always surrounded by people, laughing, and making noise. It fascinated me how he could cope with having that many people gathered around him like that.
I watched them for a few minutes until Kevin spotted me staring. I took that as my cue to leave. I stood up and brushed myself off, I grabbed my bag and headed back to the school. So much for my nap. The bell rang finally and I cursed under my breath. I hated my class. I hated my teacher. I hated anything that involved school. I just find it so boring, half the stuff we learn we’re not going to use in real world. What’s the point of teaching this stuff? Does the government like wasting money on building schools, hiring teachers, to fill kids with meaningless knowledge? We could use the money to make the economy better. Like getting America out of it’s trillion dollar debt. Ever thought of that?
I sat down in my seat in the very back and put my head down on my desk. I never really listen in class. I already know this stuff; I’m passing this class with an A++. I could graduate right now if I wanted to. I live on my own, I have a steady job, and I know how to take care of myself. But I have a reason why I’m still here. And I’m not going to leave until I accomplish my mission.
Kevin walked into the classroom and he sat in front of me two desks up to the right. Kevin is different from the people at the school. He may act like your everyday normal average teenager, but he’s not. He’s entirely different. I can tell his smiles are fake, his laughs are forced. It’s like he’s trying to hide the real him from every one else. Nobody else notices this, but I do.
Kevin turned to look at back at me, I nodded at him and he nodded back, but neither of us turned away. He looked like he was analyzing me. I smirked. He’s not going to find anything. Kevin did eventually turn away, but I continued to watch him. This is part of my job. People watch. Observe their actions, find out who they are. I observed people from the start. Even though I hate people with my heart, body, and soul I love to watch them.
I looked away when the teacher started talking and I took out a book to read. I started biting my bottom lip like I always did whenever I craved nicotine. And I was craving in badly. I know I should quit. My boss keeps telling me to, he says it’ll slow me down when I’m working. But it’s hard.
“Lucas” my teacher said.
I looked up.
“This is math class not English.”
“Really?” I said sarcastically, “I didn’t know that. Wow, I actually learned something today.”
“Do you want detention Lucas?” He threatened.
I held my hands up in surrender. I did not want to stay after school today; I had better things to do than let my brain melt from the opera he plays. But I put my book away anyways and stared out the window letting the summer heat warm my face. Just one more month till I graduate. I closed my eyes feeling sleepy. When I was little my Mom always said I was like a cat because I always like sleeping in the sunrays all day, and I was active all night long. I prefer the night than the day. I just feel like I can get more things done at night, nobody can bother me then.
“Hey” a voice said, they were poking my shoulder. I don’t like being poked. Being touched in general pisses me off.
I lifted up my head glaring. “What?”
“Um, we were assigned new seats” said Kevin, “and you’re in mine.”
I looked around and saw students talking to each other while they were getting settled. I turned back to Kevin. “Where do I sit?”
He pointed to the desk next to mine. I stood up and sat in my new desk and Kevin sat in my old one. Kevin looked at me like he wanted to say something but I put my head in my arms. I peeked at him through my hair. He was watching me closely.
“Hey” he said.
I didn’t answer him but he knows I was listening.
“Lucas” I mumbled.
“Cool, um, I see you sleeping at the field at lunch. Are you usually alone like that?”
“Look” I said sitting up, “I’m not up to making friends, not interested. So please do me a favor and not talk to me.”
Kevin looked at me surprised, and then he smiled a mischievous dangerous smile. “Alright” he said and he turned away.
I narrowed my eyes at him. I don’t like his tone.
After school I drove home to my shitty apartment and got a beer from my fridge. I sat down at my apartment kitchen table and stared at the beer for the longest time, wondering if I should get brain dead drunk tonight. But there was a knock on my door and my roommate also partner walked in.
“Heeeeey Lucas!” He said setting a bag on the table. “You wanna get drunk and fuck on the couch tonight?”
Lewis and I aren’t a thing incase you were wondering. We just fuck out of boredom. That’s all.
I opened up the bag and looked at the different kinds of alcohol he bought. “I was actually thinking the same thing” I said grabbing the bottle of Vodka, “minus the fucking. I’m not in the mood.”
Lewis shrugged and got two shot glasses from the cabinet and sat across from me. “So any news on the target?”
I shook my head pouring us the alcohol. “He seems normal, but yet a little off.”
Lewis nodded and chugged his booze. I ditched the glass and drank straight from the bottle. I then stood up and sat on the couch and turned on the TV.
“Go to the sports channel” Lewis said sitting on the couch next to me with his own bottle of alcohol. “I think there’s game.”
I tossed him the remote too lazy to do it myself. I hated football, but Lewis lives and breathes it. I just put up with it because I have nothing better to do with my life. But in the end we both did get drunk and we did end up fucking on the couch. And I hate fucking on the couch cause that means the next day I’m going to have to scrub the stains out of it. Lewis just tells me to leave it, but I hated people asking me: “Where did that stain come from?” Lewis tries to tell a lie, I just say bluntly: “I fucked Lewis last night.” They stand up from the couch so fast it was like they teleported.
I woke up around midnight holding Lewis. I stood up and put on my pants then walked into my room. I put on my sweatshirt and walked out on the balcony. I pulled out a cigarette from my sweatshirt pocket and lit it up and inhaled deeply closing my eyes. I always felt slightly guilty whenever I had sex with Lewis. I knew he had a thing for me, but I don’t. I would fuck anybody who looks my way. Girl or guy. But I feel guilty. People say you should only have sex with the one you love. But I’m not capable of that emotion. My hatred towards humans is too great. So I just fill up my empty life with sex and nicotine. I have nothing else to do.
I put my chin in my arms and looked out at the busy streets of San Francisco. I closed my eyes as the warm air blew my hair around my face and I let out a breath. Maybe I should start on my homework, or I should study up my target a little more.
“Hey” I heard Lewis say as he stood beside me.
I opened my eyes and took my cancer stick out of my mouth and looked at him. “I thought you were asleep.”
He shrugged. “You’re going to kill yourself if you keep smoking those.”
I also shrugged and turned away. “I don’t care.”
“You need to take care of yourself more Lucas” he said touching my shoulder.
I shrugged his hand off. “What’s it to you?”
“Lucas, you have to let your past go, not everybody is like that. I’m not like that, the other guys aren’t like that.”
I glared at him. “What did I say about bringing that up?”
“What I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t try to separate yourself from other people, you need to let people in or else you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life.”
I blew smoke in his face and gave him a small grin. “I let you in and look where that got me.”
Lewis laughed and punched my shoulder. “Jerk!”
I chuckled and looked back out at the town. “You know, after I graduate I want move far away from here.”
I shrugged. “I’ll probably go back to Nevada and say hi to everyone, then probably move to a small town in Texas and just kick back and do whatever I want.”
“What about your job?”
“I’ll quit. And after I’ve settled down I’ll probably start hunting for the guys who murdered my family.”
Lewis leaned on the railing to get a better look at me. “Revenge never solved anything.”
I stayed silent. Lewis and I had this conversation way too many times for my liking. No matter what he said he wouldn’t be able to change my mind, and he knew that.
“Come on” Lewis said taking my hand, “let’s go to bed.”
I flicked the stub away down into the night and followed Lewis back into the apartment. Lewis fell asleep instantly but I stayed awake. I always have so much stuff going through my head. Going to sleep was nearly impossible for me during the night. Probably half the reason why I’m so irritable. So I held Lewis for the whole night. Breathing in his wonderful scent.
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