- Chocolat Bleu -
Part I: Project “Undead”
Some people love life,
and some people hate life.
I don’t know how I feel about life,
and I’ll never find out…
Because I think I just ended mine.
Sky looks beautiful today.
Cellin was astonished by the warm glow of the sunset stretched before her eyes. The roofs of the tall buildings under the seemingly endless glow of the afternoon made her feel like she was standing at the core of the sky. Before leaving, the sun stuck its head out the clouds and dyed everything gold with all its force. One fallen leaf, swept by the wind, floated exceptionally high and swam placidly in the golden light, then the wind stopped and the fallen leaf slowly fell. I forgot something, Cellin thought. Wasn't I going somewhere? At that very moment she realized where she was. The edge of the 35th floor apartment. When she understood the situation, she barely calmed her terrified trembling body and recoiled as soon as she could. However, before she even had time to catch her breath, the sense of the presence of another individual behind her rooted her to the spot. After a few seconds, Cellin slowly turned around. It was young man who was standing before her, neatly edged white shirt, black tie fixed with silver pin, suitable length of black vest, black suit pants that ended at the ankle with no wrinkles, and barefoot.
“Jenna Cellini Rivers,” Cellin said in a small voice, offering him a hand.
“Tate Hatch,” the man answered, ignoring the small hand in front of him.
For a while, they just looked at each other without any words – Tate ended the silence with two numb syllables.
“Just now, you fell and died.”
Cellin looked at Tate with an empty face. He gently laid his hand on Cellin's forehead, and the last memories she tried to erase passed by her head like a panorama. The speed that went faster and faster little by little as she went up the stairs, the door to the roof that was surprisingly unlocked, the footsteps that were slowly heading to the roof railing.......
“So where am I going now?” Cellin asked, dazed.
The unexpected answer gave Cellin a little sigh and a relaxed smile.
“Don't be so happy. You can make Hell out of Heaven,” said Tate, displeased.
“When I go to Heaven, can I meet god?”
Tate lightly bit his lips with an awkward expression. Then he loosened up, like he has nothing to do with it, and gave a sigh like answer.
“You can. It's just that God wants to kill you, so don't try to meet her too early.”
She burst out a short laughter it was completely absurd.
“Why would god try to kill me? He probably won't even know that such a thing like me exists.”
After Cellin, who attended church every sunday without exception, realized how hypocritical were the words she spat out negligently, the guilt hardened her face.
“So when I go to Heaven, am I going to die right away?”
“I know someone in Underground who can help you, so we are going stop by there before I take you to Heaven.”
She didn't believe that there was someone who could help. If God were really the almighty, the omniscient, the omnipotent, and really does exist, there couldn't be anyone who could save her from being killed by God.
“By underground, you mean beneath the ground?”
“Precisely, it means Earth's core, Earth's very deepest place.
“How are we supposed to get there?” Cellin shot back.
She just learned that she is dead, and she was even told that God is trying to kill her, but he was just making fun of her with seemingly impossible plan. Tate ignored Cellin's angry tone, and walked toward the door to the roof, which was squeaking like it was welcoming them. He replaced the door's doorknob with a silver knob he took out from his pocket and said,
Cellin followed Tate through a muddy corridor that was dimly lit, although there wasn’t any light source. When he opened the door, Cellin didn’t even imagine that there would be this endless corridor. She wasn’t expecting that famous white light, but aimlessly walking down the muddy hallway without even knowing where she is headed definitely was not how she thought afterlife would be.
“Is this how you get to the core of the Earth?”
“This is the core.”
“Well then… where is the person you were talking about?”
Tate’s silence ended the short conversation. Even when hours passed by and she forgot the reason why she was walking and there were only meaningless movements of muscles, the person they were looking for did not show up. To appease her boredom, she tried to talk to Tate several times, but he always replied with silence.
‘Why is God trying to kill me?’ Cellin thought, ‘Because I killed myself? Because I was a bad daughter? Because I’m useless?” Hundreds and thousands of thoughts came into her head, but she couldn’t find any reasonable answers. What did she do that made God want to kill a dead person in Heaven? She thought about asking Tate, but she didn’t because she knew he wouldn’t answer. Also, even though he does indeed answer, she didn’t want to know the answer. When she didn’t know the real answer, she could always make up answers she could handle, but when she knows the real reason, all she can do about it is just accepting it.
It’s not that I really, really wanted to die. The problem was that I didn’t really have that strong urge to live. I think I was a pretty happy person. I think. I had couple of problems hear and there, but I think I smiled a lot and I think I was a pretty happy person. I just was’t attached to my life that much. I don’t know why. And please trust me, it wasn’t like I TRIED to kill myself. It just kind of happened. Que Sera Sera. You know what I mean?
It was just so beautiful. The door to the rooftop was somehow open. I went up the stairs, and there it was. Beautiful sunset. I wanted to be in it so bad.
It would have been great if I had wings. I could fly through those beautiful colors, and go wherever I wanted to.
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