Chapter 1: childhood meadow
Roslyn is my name, and in my name there isn't much to say.
Love is what it feels like..it's what it seems. His image fills my head, although I am eight, and he is ten... it feels like love when you're young, and from what I know he feels the same about me, though he doesn't admit it like anyone I've ever known. He pretends it's a secret. We hangout everyday in the feilds in the medow outside of his house. We would play tag, and sometimes catch, hide'n go seek, and his favorite...'kiss the frog'. The games he named were simple, though some I knew why he made them. When we played "kiss the frog" it was like playing hide'n go seek only when you were found the person who was it had to kiss you... on the lips. Sometimes he was ruff with me while we played his silly games...almost as if he was already grown up I had come to realize it was his way of saying "I like you." And when we got older he tried exsplaining to me that it's hard to tell someone you like them when your best friends, even if your a boy.
Shiloh was my best friend even as we got older his games became more skilled and harder to master and sometimes he found his ways around to winning when he knew I was all along. My mother never agreed on me playing with Shiloh or even being his friend. So we kept everything we did a secret. The medow by his house was so quiet you could hear the birds for miles. Sometimes Shiloh claimed he could her my heart beat under my dress, it was like a mockingbird singing the first song it hears, and plays it over and over till a new one comes along. The first time he told me I was seventeen, and he was eighteen. Shiloh was strong and smart, he was beautiful most of all in ways that were hard to discribe. We were both just as strong though when I felt his arms around me tighten, his shirt screamed it. For me everything we did together was seperate from the world, than what he did when playing with other girls. He never did the things he did with me to them. Shiloh never even showed the slightest bit of interest in them; he never noticed how they moved around him breathing his every breathe. Doing things I always do ...but he notices me; he fallows me as I flirt with him. He touches me, and not a feel towards them, not even the slightest look that makes him interested. But he fallows me.
Sometimes I like to play with his mind...and give him more than what he bargins for, and I show more skin than usual, more breast. I tried proving a point to my friend Lucy that whatever I do he fallows.
One morning before my mother had woken; we were sitting in the meadow and Shiloh was playfully fingering my strawberry tinted hair, as I looked in my lap and i fiddled with the daisies, rose heads, and the beautiful orchids we had picked out together. He picked out the flowers that looked most beautiful in my hair, though he clamed all flowers looked beautiful in my hair. Sometimes he would pretend that I ws his wife, and that the meadow was are home. When I was sad he would play cute little games with me or find things to say to make me smile...sometimes he would spell my name out and come up with little sentences he would discribe of me:
"R- remembering you are the best friend any one can dream of... and know that it's you.
O- outstanding preformance of kiss the frog...eventhough that was my way of kissing you.
S- your smile... how it reminds me that there is a life outside my dreary old house.
L- love and laughter that we share in the secracy of my back yard for the past eight wonderful years.
Y- your the reason that I'm beathing the reason for my sight.
N- 'n' is for nobody... because nobody can have you but me." he said through a russet voice, pushing my hair back behind my ear, pulling me forward with his hand on my neck, he closed the space between us very slowly. Not a single space was left to breathe. Even when our lips met, it was like seeing snow fall for the first time in my life. My exspression still shocked. Before we parted I was beggining for more and so was he. So to make it last I grabbed his hand that held my neck, and reached to find his waiting mouth crush mine with a deeper force than before. As i released he spoke as though the kiss was true, and indeed it was. "I love you; i know you can tell. And I know that you want more than what's being offered as do I, but I don't want to ruin what we have as friends. What I do with other girls doesn't matter to me because I have no feelings for them. What I want I usually get from them no matter what I please. Never take it as if i don't love you, because I don't have to love or like them to get what I want from them. But it's stopped now... on this day...till your ready I will be your first...and i promise to be your last." Still gripping my neck he used his thumb to rub my check, for the tears that dripped from my face. I spoke threw a teary voice.
"I love you Shiloh. I always have since we were little. I dreamed of being with you forever. Though I never knew how you felt about me till now, when you say it. i know what you feel is real if you keep your word. I don't dought you on anything you say, I love you ,and you love me that's all I know." My tears started to stop when Shiloh hugged me.
Shiloh was tall, built, and strong. His hair was black like coal as were his eyes. His face was as pale as snow with a dimple on his left check, right at the eadge of his smile. His nose was perfect along with everything else on his body. even though I wondered what it would be like below the clothing he wore. Sometimes he looked at me as if he knew I was the one, and that I was he's like he is mine. We stood up and stared at the sky, the beauty it shared with the world, and us. I liked to pretend sometimes that I was the sky and he was the world watching me always making sure I'd never leave his sight. When we looked back down we headed into his home were the air is warm for a winters night. My mother thinks I'm at my friends. Her name is Sally Fly; she knows I love him. Shiloh always seemed like the village badboy. But most of the time it was me, helping him with the things he loved to do most of all.
Our favorite thing to do together was watch other people work while we disappeared to have fun. He worked with a huge butcher that chopped meat for a living and chopped wood with the same axe so Shiloh used his grandpapa's axe for wood and a smaller axe for meat, though he didn't like how the butcher use his blade for every job he had. When he could sneak past him we would go to our meadow, and find our favorite tree, climb it, and sit apon it until Shiloh desided that he wanted to carve our names into the side of the tree, in small letters with a big heart, and on the bottom was big letters that read "forever" Shiloh whispered into my ear. As his words echoed through me it sent spine tingling shivers through my body. So i leaned over to kiss him while his face was still in my direction. It was short and sweet...and no were near forced.
While we were in his warm house, I walked to the main room and sat in Shiloh's favorite seat. the seat itself could hold two people of average size. The colors were so vibrant and wild. If it was put together right it would look almost red with a orange flare and deep blue ocean feel. As i sat in the chair Shiloh disappeared into the back close to his bedroom without saying a word. It was nice to know someone cared about you like no other, because then it gave you the courage to say, "I'm not afraid." and noone judges you because of who you choose. I love him. But i always second guess things like this, is it my childhood love that wants him or is it me, because hes my best friend...is he more?
"Hey, can you come to the back with me...I want to talk to you real quick." Shiloh called for me at the edge of his bedroom door. His house was connected almost like a giant circle. His bedroom was my favorite place to be. With all the animal fur and animal teeth it was like a home away from home..the bed was the best as always. The bed was made intirely from animal skin mostly bear and wild fox. So soft you could melt on it. Though he never quit tried anything with me the entire time we were in there. Almost as if something was wrong with me, but there couldn't be. I know by how he looks at me, touchs me, and kisses me. I walked down the hall, the walls were lite up with the candles that flickered with the draft that came in threw the windows. When I walked in, I was suprised to find an ambush waiting for me at the end in Shiloh's bedroom door. He came from behind the wooden shelf as I inched closer to his bed he body slammed me, as he landed on top of me, whispering into my ear. "There's a reason I haven't tried anything else with you than I already have. I was wrong to do all of this. Your not mine, Roslyn," I was shocked. Like every thing in me that I knew was broke as soon as Shiloh said it. Almost as if he meant it. "What do you mean Shiloh, what are you talking about?" tears were stuck in my eyes as Shiloh spoke. I felt anguish, sorrow, broken, for that one moment I was broken.
"You don't know yet do you?" I just nodded my head very softly, and let him finish. "Your not mine anymore Roslyn, I knew you never were, and you never will be. That's how it seems right now. Charlie Christopher wants to get married to you, and it looks as if he made it affical and told everybody that was at your mothers home. I'm suprised no one told you about this already. I really am." Shiloh's face was a bright red, his eyes changed colors, blue, green, and weridest of all black...almost coal. He was starting to scare me as he inched closer, and his skin got hotter, and hotter till he was eye to eye with me. Breathing deeply as my chest rose, and sank, my breast bolgged out of my dress as he pressed against me he spoke once more. "I wish this day would last forever but what is forever without today to fallow or even tomarrow. We can't be friends, Roslyn." My heart speed up as he percied the words at me.
"Then let's be more than friends. Run with me Shiloh, Run with me. This is our chance for freedom. If you love me as much as you say you do....prove it to me." I was daring him. So he tested me. He leaned down while laying on top of me and kissed me once lightly, the second time he was pushing his luck for a third. So I willed him by unbuttoning my corset to my dress...one by one I went down slowly. He didn't stop me, he helped me unbutton it faster till all thirty-five buttons were undone. My breast almost troppled out of my corset leaving the cloth underneath to hide my bust from showing. He kissed my neck, underneath my ear, the side of my jaw till he reached my lips, he wasn't soft no more. Shiloh lips were blistering warm, though my lips felt cold, his semmed warm enough to build a fire. When we stopped to catch our breath I spoke through a breathless voice. "Never once did I tell you I was someone else's, I am yours for the keeping. He doesn't know me like you do Shiloh." He leaned down with more force than before, pushing on me as he grabbed the bottom of my dress, and pulled it up. I was smart not to wear an under garmet today. As he pulled my dress up, he spread my legs and told me to open them wider, if he was going to be able to prove it. So I did, and he smiled. While untieing his shirt he remained kissing me till his shirt was completely off then, he reached for the string on his pants, and I stopped him to do it myself...as I did i leaned back he pulled his pant down far enough so they weren't in the way, and he gripped my upper legs. Once he was in we began to move. While he proved it I wished it would never end. This moment was so perfect so vivid, it was breath taking. i couldn't help but moan at the feelings it brought to me. It felt like hours that we were at it till he stopped. we heard the bells.
The bells always meant wolf never the less. Shiloh stopped dead in his tracks, and jumped of the bed so fast that his pants were tied, and he closed my legs, and sat me up, and buttoned my corset back kissing the top of my chest. I wished tonight wasn't a full moon I really wish it wasn't. Today was the first time we ever made love. He told me to sit on the bed and he would be back in a moment going to go closed the window's. So I sat on the bed and waited patiently for him to come back. A few moments later a growl comes from the hallway, and I call for Shiloh. The only answer I get is a growl, and the wolf appears with dark black eyes fierce teeth and sharp claws. Everything flares as soon as he jumps.....I wake up....and realize it was just a dream...when i see that I'm not in my house....I'm still at Shiloh's in his beautiful bed of wonders.
Shiloh comes in and stops at the frame till I see him. In his hands are a bowl and a cup. He walks over to me, and sits down beside me at the edge....I wonder if it really happened....was it really a dream? Did I see a wolf? Is he the wolf?
My Shiloh couldn't have been a dream...it was to real. It wasn't a dream, so I desided to ask him.
"Shiloh, can I ask you something?" I was nervous as I asked.
"Yes, what is it?" he stared at me now, so I looked away.
"Well are you going to tell me?" he was getting impatient for me to answer him.
"I wanted to know...did we...last night?" he looked at me as though I was crazy, and nodded.
"Why would you think I wouldn't....you said prove it and I did. Now they can't let you marry Charlie...what you're going to hold isn't his...it's mine....and so are you." I was confussed. Will I really carry his baby? I started to cry. Shiloh saw my tears and whipped them away with his thumb till they disappeared. He whispered into my ear as he leaned in closer. "We have been best friends since you were eight Roslyn. I don't want him to have you I won't let him and you know it." He was determined to keep his word so I told him what I dreamed. "Shiloh, I had a dream last night after eveything....it wasn't plesent so I guess it was more like a nightmare. We were making love when the bell rang, and you got up to close the windows and when i called for you...I saw the wolf." Shiloh was deep in thought as he looked at me,though I knew what he was thinking. "You think you saw the wolf....now thats strange.... I believe you. But it's strange. Would you believe me if I told you it really happened? I have no idea what happened after I left to go close the windows...the only thing I remember is leaving to close the window...and waking up giving you breakfast." We were both confussed. What really happened is the question.
"Do you wnt to go into the village and see what happened?" Shiloh asked.
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